unsent

[winnapienaar13]

bakit ka bumitaw?

Bakit ka bumitaw?

Iyan ang tanong na patuloy na bumabagabag saaking isipan

gabi-gabi, araw araw, minu-minuto.segu-segundo.

nasa hayskul palang ako kasama na kita

sabi ko nga walang iwanan, pero wala ka namang binuga.

okay lang ramdam ko ako paborito mong kasama

pero hindi ko naisip hangang kelan ba?

nasa kolehiyo na ako, kasama pa rin kita

ni kilos, galaw, salita kuhang kuha ko na

ikaw na ikaw na.

akala ko din. ako na

Akala ko, ako na ang pinaka maswerte 

akala ko kapag kasama kita ayos lahat

naging kampante ako

naging dependent sayo

di ko naisip magdesisyon para sa sarili ko

ayoko kasing nagagalit ka, takot ako na mawala ka

ngunit sa takot ko, nakalimutan ko maaari rin pala akong mawala.

bakit bumitaw ka?

gayong lahat ng sinabi mo nagawa ko na

gayong lahat ng gusto mo pinilit ko pa

gayong pati kasiyahan ko, ipinalit ko na

gayong ulti mo yung”ako” nawala na?

bakit bumitaw ka? 

dahil ba, meron n akong iba?

at akala mo’y ipapalit kita?

pwede naman na akong maging masaya di ba?

kasi hindi naman tayo habang buhay pwede magsama

pero kahit meron akong iba, ikaw pa rin naman talaga

hindi ko lang kasi talaga kaya

na mawala yung ako para maging masaya ka

kasi ni minsan di ko pinaramdam sayo na balewala ka

ni minsan, hindi kita pinagpalit sa iba

pero pinaramdam mo sakin na wala akong kwenta

pati saiyong mga barkada

na ikaw ay inalipusta

at ako yung dumupa

ako rin yung bumunganga

pero ako rin yung naging tanga

kasi pinagtangol mo sila

pinagpalit mo ako ng basta.

ngunit kahit ganun, gusto ko maging masaya ka

inintindi pa rin kita. kahit ang sakit sakit na.

at kahit hiyang hiya akong talaga.

Pero kailangan kong dumistansya, para malaman mo aking importansya

sana mamulat ka. kahit alam kong bumitaw ka.

nandito pa rin ako. hhharap at magtatangol sayo pag nadapa ka

dahil kahit lumayo ako, kaya ko ulit mawala ang AKO

maging masaya ka lang talaga 

ATE, sana masaya ka. 

[winnapienaar13]

Dear T.

Today is June 1. I have a lot of things to tell you. But I’ll let June 1 pass before I open up. Wait for me until I’m ready. Most of the people won’t do that, please do. 

Love W. 

[a-marieslife]

[baby--veins]

things I am still learning: if someone misses you, they’ll find excuses to call you; not excuses as to why they couldn’t. do not check up on people who are toxic to you. it doesn’t matter how they’re doing. don’t let their flames burn you long after you’ve put them out. not everything lasts forever. don’t expect things to stay the same. change is good, even if at first it doesn’t seem like it. let yourself love him. try to forget that he could break your heart with just a few short breaths. it’s okay if he does. act like he could never hurt you. if he doesn’t, keep him around. you deserve someone to talk to. spending a night alone won’t kill you. spending a weekend alone won’t kill you. you’ll be okay, relax. if something means enough to you, do it and accept the consequence later. if you still don’t do it, you really didn’t want it that badly anyways. you will get over it. even if it seems like you’ll never stop crying at night, eventually you won’t remember how it felt to feel so empty. you’ll know a different sadness, but it will be new. you’ll survive each and every one of your sadnesses.

-a.m (via baby–veins)

[winnapienaar13]

how could he?

This year is full of negativity. I cannot keep up sometimes for my vulnerability. I was once in love with the idea of a man trying to surprise a woman. I was in love with a man who could do anything for his woman. I was in love with a man who never failed to tell me I was beautiful inside and out. I was in love. Something changed along the way. Something keeps on dragging me down. Because I was overwhelmed with his love and effort I overlooked that a man is capable to lie and to abuse a woman’s vulnerability. I am in a 2 years relationship. I love him yes. I would fight for him. I would definitely love him. For 2 years, I am still stuck in the past - but not my past anymore. It was his. It was when the past started to infiltrate our lives. She started asking about me and about us. I don’t understand the idea of her asking if I am beautiful and intelligent that well in fact I am, compared to her. Maybe I sound confident here but that  is my last name. I couldn't scarcely fathom the idea of asking about the present of your past. Maybe it mattered to her but not for me. Then it was by an accident when I discovered that my present beau had another account and chatted to his past. He blocked me with his new account and it hurts since i though we were okay last year. Its the start of my investigation. Its a chaos. I started asking about it but we kept arguing. Whats worst is he started to tell me I am insecure and he doesn't care about me. It was the worst line I received in my entire life. It was not normal to me. Its something i did not surmise. I started to believe that my feelings don’t bother him anymore. I want to take a detour. i want to journey without him. Just me alone. I want to extricate to this kind of relationship but somethings holding me back. Its LOVE. Its the love I still have in my heart for him. Its always not easy to stop and be alone. I am still fighting my fear of leaving. I am uncertain. I am still planning. I am still in chaos. But I cannot forget how he said it right through my face. Its a bullet which hits me which is strong enough which drags me. I am the woman who loves him despite everything but how could he? 

[staypozitive]

[staypozitive]

[thegirlwhocrieswolf]

New piece, hope you like it! xo Lang

…………….

My NEW book Memories is now available for pre-order via Amazon, BN.com + The Book Depository and bookstores worldwide. Official launch is October 2015. Yay!

[winnapienaar13]

learning to be independent in a different way.

I have spent 11 years with you. You became my mother when you decided to leave the house. I was with you all the way. I moved when you moved out and I was with you. I was trained to become brave, fearless,, independent woman. You were always brave except those when you fell in love and had your heart broken as well. It was a long journey with you. We shared stories but I didn`t share my love story because you will disagree. When I was in high school until I reached college, you always disagree with love thingy and I always respect you because I do not want to disappoint you.  I have done a lot of things out of my willingness because I always want you to be proud of me. I was there when you were fighting battles. I might not be obviosly with you but I was with you. I defended you several times to lots of issues not to mention those unjustifyable things i disagreed - but I chose you and defended you. You were always be my role model. You were always be the best sister I had. You were always my number 1 fan. You were the one who believed in me. I wish I could go back those times when we were just so happy with little things, little money and little ambitions. I wish I could go back those days, thise happy days the we have shared. When mom turned their backs to you just because they want you to learn the lessons for misbehaving, I have stood up for what I believe in BUT I stayed by your side because I know that If I turned my back at you on your weakest times, you will get disappointed. I always think of you in every decision I make. In fact, I think of your reaction more than what mom could think of when I going to make a decision. Simply because, mom will never be disappointed but I am afraid you will. It may not be obvious that my entire life, I have served you. But thats ok because, I can trade my happiness for you. I was trained to be brave and because of that I am also open to be unhappy just for you to be happy. But I think I have given you enough if not all of my life. I have served you enough if not much. While I am helping you to be successful and to make mom and dad proud again, you were unintentionally dragging me down. Its sad to think that the person who were with you along the way is already ready to spread her wings and explore the world. I have been to many detours in life because of you. I did not regret my changed path. I did not regret doing those things for you but I think its my time now to open my eyes to more possibilities, more social interaction, more new adventures, people and goal. Its time for a new me. Its time to move and work out. Its time to create the life I should have vreated before I serve you. Its time to be fearless in different way. Its ti e to live my life without you. I know you will be disappointed with me But I will assure youwill be PROUD of me.  Its time closed door and to open the windows to new experiences. Its about time! 

#diaryofasister #sistersletter #unsent #dearEldestSister  

[escafeism]

Not every relationship is meant to last forever.

Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life.  Some people are just passing through to bring you something perhaps a lesson you need to learn, or memory that makes you smile years later. When the time comes, it’s okay to let go and move on with your life.

[winnapienaar13]

Some place are worth posting for. 

[winnapienaar13]

The quieter you become The more you can hear. #igph #iger #igpinay #holyweek2016

[winnapienaar13]

Its always nice cooking with him. I studied cooking because of him. Paul (my bf) is a good cook. He cooks everything I want especially those food I hadn't tasted yet. He is a foodie which forces me to study and learn more about cooking and baking. My spaghetti, fried chicken, shanghai roll, buttered bread are always his request. He also likes my macaroni soup, my very own tuna-egg sandwich. My family is a good cook but I hadn`t had the chance to cook before because my mom and sisters are good at it and I never had the chance to do so. Paul, believed I can and so I decided to try. It turned well and as it continues, i began cooking until now. However, he seldom get the chance to taste it. He is always busy at work. He seldom go for a visit. We rarely see each other. Cooking without him makes me sad. Now that I've learned more recipes, he isnt here to taste any. My kitchen doesn't look the same. #mgakwentoniwinna #cookwithlovelove #relationshipgoal #letscooktogether2016 #missingtheoldDays #storiestotell #TBT

[winnapienaar13]

I dress myself not to impress but, for comfort and style. #fashionphilippines #stylefix #modelwannabe #pinaystylist #dresstoexpressnotimpress

[winnapienaar13]

Lumpiang UBOD ng sarap.. #lumpiangUbod #cook #foodie (at Calauag, Naga City)

[winnapienaar13]

Wag ka sanang mapagod.  Wag ka sanang sumuko. Wag ka sansng mangalay. Wag ka sansng bumitaw. Higpitan mo sana ang paghawak. Wag sanang dumulas. Kakapit ako hangang di ka bumibitaw. Kahit isang daliri na lang nakawak hangat di ka tuluyang bumibitaw hindi rin ako bibitaw. 

[winnapienaar13]

It’s a surprise

They say “A man only lie to their woman when he want to surprise her” I should say, Yes it is really true. And he is the only one who surprises me in a unique way. He is not a kind of man who surprises me with chocolates, balloons and flowers. He didn’t ever did that during anniversaries. And sometimes, when he tries to surprise me, i get to know it before he do the surprise. He is never sweet and its okay. This time January 25, he asked me out for lunch then asked to join him to the bank where he open another account. He wanted me to join him because he has trouble with signature and he is afraid the bank accountant would ask him to fix his signature, it takes a lot of time. Fortunately , the bank accountant is my friend. When we got there, I saw my friend all smile as she told us to sit down, apologizes to my boyfriend for the said signature repetition that was taken when he opened the account. From that, because we were chatting about the incident, my friends ask my me “ so, are you guys going to get married soon?” I answered “no, I still have to back to school” and she was curious,she asked me “so, its too early to buy a house and lot, right Paul?” I was really shocked. My boyfriend bought a house and lot for us. I remember when he asked me what if he proposed. I said, I would only say YES if he has his own house. I was really happy and proud knowing that he is making it the right way. Paul told me that it suppose to be a surprise but my friend already told me when we get to the bank. Proud girlfriend here.