g(rant) me a wish

[wish-g-rant-ed]

2010 – 2019

It’s actually surprising that people are making out a huge deal from the past years that I, more or less, treat as normal. From the fact that I was a mere anime enthusiast that kept up a Facebook account that withheld the information of my then favorite character from the series “Hetalia” about countries across the world. I remember being so hooked with that character that I imagined that I was wed to him.

Actually, looking back, I was still 8 years old when the new decade came into view, it’s like the opposite of what I am right now, oblivious with the impact of this approach of a new decade and now that it’s ending, I can’t help but look back on the past years.

I am still the same old hopeless romantic me, but back in the early decade, whenever I’ve had a crush on someone, it would seem as though they were the one for me, but now, it’s like I’ve been convicted of a crime every time I encounter someone that is a potential lover because I think “love” is no one’s priority.

I can honestly say that I don’t know what love is yet or that I can’t fully execute it without making excuses. The entry of a new decade is something that would make or break me, for the past years have been filled with a self-deprecating me and alas this is the start of my entry to adulthood, much to my dismay, as someone who admitted to themselves that I’m scared of growing up.

Amidst all this self-deprecation that I have mentioned, there have been a lot of things that I have managed to get over with or at least improve in the very least, I am no longer scared of celebrating birthdays, I can handle the feeling of not being always with the cool ones (and to be honest, I loathe them, probably because I hate myself most of the time), I am yet to actually be confident in what I do since right now I do not know what lies ahead of me, I am still waiting.

I do hope what I have done is all according to the protocol, from the queue number that I have taken because I hope that I get what I came for, although I know that if I don’t get it, I can still make the most out of it.

I am still naïve as I’ve been in the past but now about a fewer things than before, I hope things will come together for me this year. I am honestly hoping for my admission in the top university here in the country, but we’ll see.

I am still hoping to venture the things I’ve been meaning to try, such as polishing my art skills and somehow make a small business on my small hobbies. Well, honestly, this essay is just something to pass the time. I’m ending this year with an “okay” kind of mood, I’ve been better, but I wouldn’t wish anything. I still pray and hope for the safety and wellbeing of everyone, and for them to get what they are all deserving of. Well, here’s to a new decade.

I also aspire to be more expressive in the next decade. I am expecting to produce more of this kind of output from me. So long!

Aengul, 12/31/19, Tue, 10:43 PM

[wish-g-rant-ed]

brown eyes saves man.

my upcat love story.

[wish-g-rant-ed]

you made me look forward to another day, what a special boy you are.

[wish-g-rant-ed]

see you again on monday, my happiness.

[wish-g-rant-ed]

rabbithole

I think about you more than I intend to.

My attraction to you resulted from the overwhelming feeling of the teasing of foreign people with the idea of the both of us to be together.

It was cheesy but I liked it.

You're very formal while I spell casual with flashing colors. You're organized while I'm all over the place. You're crazy, and I like crazy.

You complete my day in the most unexpected ways and how I wish I get to stare at you all day, if I was given the chance to, I would. I'll tell you that.

Something about your features mesmerize me and the way your hair is curled makes me want to run my fingers through it, to see whether they're tangled or not.

I want to take care of you, hold your hand if given the chance to.

I admire you. I really do.

To look at you.

That's all that I can do.

[wish-g-rant-ed]

COMPLAINTS ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE

“Social Media is not the right place for you to complain; put your complaints in the right place/platform.”

But where is that right place? Is it near? Is it existent? Is there truly a right place where you can freely share your thoughts without having to step into a controversy?

I have just newly transferred to a university with Catholic teachings, it’s nothing new for me, since all my life, I’ve studied in Catholic schools, and my family’s Catholic. I can also consider myself religious, I pray wholeheartedly, I enjoy reading the bible, I long for learning more about the Catholic Church, and etc.

Going back, the university I transferred into is not as liberal as other universities. To cut the story short regarding the claims of the university, it is a playing safe university. Just to comply with the Catholic Teachings, in the eyes of the public, of those outside the university but for those who’re affiliated with the university in itself, they feel as though they are scourged.

Their freedom is held at its limits. Of course, I’m not referring to the set of rules for the orderliness of the university, but it’s of how a person/student presents himself. When one speaks of his insights at a certain platform called social media, one must be very wary. For if one does otherwise and says rather senseless, in the authorities criteria, they will be given disciplinary measures.

My predicament doesn’t really revolve around the university’s actions or whatsoever yet. Maybe soon, but for this day, I’m going to tackle another matter: Where is the right place for you to complain?

As of now, nowhere; Why? Because you shouldn’t. You can’t complain. If you did, you’re going to be a rebel. If you complain, make sure you’re famous. Otherwise, you’re irrelevant. If you want to prove a point, gather up the right amount of retweets and likes.

You can’t complain because this is the system. There are no flaws in the system. That’s what they want. They want you to accept the system, if not, go find another place where you can be at ease.

It’s not their job to put you at ease.

I’m not really affected with how limited we are in social media, especially in giving our complaints, because I don’t really speak out my thoughts in that platform.

Why?

Is it because I’m passive? No, I care for everything. Is it because you’re not affected? Oh, no. I am deeply affected by the cries of those who long for rightful justice.

Then why?

I grew up keeping things to myself. I grew up with no one understanding me.

I grew up in Catholic institutes.

Institutes where mental instability is non-existent. Wherein if you don’t excel, it’s your fault why you’re irrelevant. Where they teach Catholic teachings and become hypocrites themselves.

I am a hypocrite.

But God will forgive me.

That’s was they all say.

But if you’re homosexual, you’re going to rot in hell.

The Pope believes otherwise.

But who cares about the Pope? He’s the no. 1 in authority in the Catholic Church living on land. We must not continue adhering his teachings. Who is he? We are the masses.

Said those in command after him.

Those in authority refuse to follow what is set by those above them.

How the tables have been turned.

We’re all hypocrites in this life.

Your choice how to live yours.

Since by the end of the day:

We all end up the same.