Mirrorball

;PersonalBlog;Life;Poetry;Flowers&SadProse;Pop Culture

[wisteriabloomz]

I think I know where I will settle. The warm street lights, fuzzy feeling of walking through the cobblestone streets of #Budapest. The hills in the Buda side where I will live with my two cats and my lover, respectful and kind. I will work with respectful and kind colleagues. Eventually there will be my astrology reading witch 🧙‍♀️ cottage where I welcome curious and interesting people and help them soothe their fears and anxiety about future.

It is a weird feeling, being anxious in a place you are visiting because it is so beautiful and feels like home that you do not want to leave it. But you have to because you have a weak passport, your visa expiring and you have a job that pays you in another city, which by the way happens to be the most expensive city in the EU. But you also have to absorb all the beauty that this city has to offer in the limited time that you have. So yes, I have been an anxious traveller in Budapest, where a part of my heart resides. The city drips in a golden syrup in its intoxicating warm evenings during spring, and I was completely immersed in it. The sulphur waters of Lukács' scalding bath opened my pores and darkened my silver rings. The sunset at the Buda hills, the lapping banks of Danube and the small statues that surprise you in a casual walk while you are enchanted by the Parliament building.

I see myself growing old in Budapest. Spending a pivotal time of my life in Shimla and now seeing Budapest as its European counterpart I also wonder how Hungarian-Indian painter Amrita Sher-Gill's life must have been like as she moved from Budapest to Shimla at the age of 8. While I am no daughter of an aristrocrat, I am proud to be earning enough to travel across Europe and having enough belief in the possibility of magic and miracles that may draw me closer to places where my soul can thrive and align with that which it desires. Here is to making Budapest my home in a good and happy way. Inshallah!

[wisteriabloomz]

I want a man so in love with me that he is tortured by the thought of any minor inconvenience that might come to me. Like he should be miserable that he is not able to cook my favourite dish that I just randomly mentioned in passing one day. He should be expressing his love in actions not words like a fuckboy. I need a man like Mr Darcy who is rich, secure but does not show off his wealth and stuff and is often at a loss of words when he sees me in my glory. But I also want us to have healthy arguments where we are not afraid to speak our mind knowing that no matter what this won’t lead to a break up. The strength of the relationship is knowing that I can speak my mind (respectfully and in a mature way) and the other person would still bring me a cup of tea or cook my favourite meal the next minute.

[wisteriabloomz]

Manifesting a hot rich devoted man who loves to worship me and eat me out without hesitation and also please make me come !!

[wisteriabloomz]

Currently reading Kairos by Jenny Erpenbeck and I am already sucked into the late cold war era East Germany and its melancholiac charm that plays the perfect setting for an extra marital affair of an older man with a young girl. I will share my favourite quotes from the book here soon!!

[wisteriabloomz]

I was staring at my feed earlier and saw "Wisteria" - IDK, I thought you might get a little laugh out of that too, lol.

Haha. I did.

[netflix]

What happens to all the beautiful costumes that are made for the show? Are they preserved? Will there be an exhibition we can see them?! Or do actors get to keep them?

[wisteriabloomz]

They answered my question!! 🥹🥹

[wisteriabloomz]

Thevision

Mountains in Spain, Switzerland, fjords in the Nordic region with mist covering them. And I am at all these places. I am experiencing and looking at these majestic creations of the planet with my own eyes. The universe conspires to allow me to be at all these places and I am already grateful. Thank you.

[wisteriabloomz]

Happy New Year 2024!

Grateful to all the beautiful people I met this year (especially in Europe) and all the cats who cuddled with me! Yeti in Lyon, to Moka and Neskwik in Macon and Kissa in Paris. I miss the four cats in France and the people who pet them.

But I am grateful that a very kind man took me to his place and welcomed me into his space and was gentle and respectful even while making love for just one night. We might have been a couple had I been living in Lyon. But I am glad that I got that night at least. And many such wonderful equally fun nights.

For 2024, I wish a healthy life for me and my family. I wish to meet more interesting people and travel and discover and learn more and meet more charming and respectful men who would keep me warm at night! Obviously in Europe!

[wisteriabloomz]

Manifesto for Single ladies

Not the one to preach but all our lives we are led to believe that one of the most significant days of your life would be the day you get married. Really? Shouldn’t the most important day of my life be the day when I managed to secure a job without any recommendation or nepotism? Shouldn’t the most important day for a woman be the day she graduates? Or defends her thesis successfully? Or opens a business and makes a profit? Or just manage to get by the day without losing her mind in this unforgiving world that leaves no chance to make her feel less because she has not secured a man or does not have a father or a brother?

Girls, ladies, women, you are enough and romantic relationship is not the sole purpose of your life it is rather a lucky coincidence that happens to a few And those who are made to seek it desperately often end up being in a miserable position, they lose their self esteem and go through umpteen problems that would have never occurred in the first place had they realised they were enough.

Focus on yourself, stop and smell the flowers, light the cigarette, get a few drinks or whatever you wanna drink. You have to respect yourself and love yourself. Practice self compassion and be selfish. It is not bad.

[wisteriabloomz]

Manifesting

It is weird how there are two strong worlds that collide in my head when I dream of moving out of this country. It is like standing on the edge of a cliff knowing that you have this intense desire to discover the underworld but you are also in love with the space that you have grown up in and just do not want to leave it. Like you want to carry the world that you are in now to the new world that you are going to move to. But that is not possible, right? So you have to make a choice. And I couldn’t make that choice. Not this year when I was offered a scholarship to study and live in Budapest.

I mean who would not want to move to Europe and live the life they always wanted to? But at the time that I rejected this offer, I was working at a news company I had been applying to since 2018. I was / still am living the dream that I had when I was in Journalism school in 2017. But as much as I am grateful to the universe for this chance to fulfill my dream of being a journalist and hosting a podcast. My dream at present is to move out of this country and maybe just switch my career. Become an actor, and a fashionista and attend fashion shows in Europe. Get a taste of some freedom and luxury before the world ends. So I am sorry universe, maybe give me one more chance to jump off the cliff and discover what lies beyond this world. I want to go to Europe, maybe live, earn, and just experience the culture like a rich woman. Thank you!

[wisteriabloomz]

It’s as if I have walked through those lanes multiple times. Like I have lived in that misty weather and deep green forest and heard the wood crackle in the fireplace my entire life. Sometimes it will be some music, or some fragrance, or some figment from the deep recesses of my subconscious that I am beckoned to that place. Maybe somewhere in England? Scotland? Or Ireland?

There is a sight, I am walking back to my cottage, wearing by black coat and handbag and an umbrella coz the roads are still glistening and reflecting the warm streetlights.

And then the mist blankets the whole town. The warm lights from the windows of the lone bookstore, and the fortune teller’s attic room smudges with the twilight. It’s as if Neptune and Venus were undergoing a benevolent aspect and creating this half visible half make-believe scenario. Is it a dream? Maybe go visit the Buddhist cafe where calming chants just elevate your vibrations and the ginger honey tea will take you back to a bittersweet memory of sipping tea with your parents at a parking lot outside a cafe in some average town when a life-threatening pandemic had restricted the movement.

You are knitting; a muffler for it’s so simple to make and gives off an impression that you care for whoever you are gifting it to. Now crocheting an envelope to keep a love letter warm for the man you love(d?) has been so cold you think if you send it off the feelings weaved in like the first knot knit by a toddler’s hands, may just disintegrate and fall through. Failing its purpose. But at least you learnt how to weave, knit, create, think because your heart compelled you to devour whatever morsel of hope, whatever little glimmer of basic decency made you think that yhos was worth knitting and making that man feel the warmth that resides in your heart.

But is it warmth? Or just fumes of a deeply suppressed inferno scarring your insides coz if you let the lid off all shall be consumed. Better to implode and shattering yourself to pieces, right?

Complexities. I am back to the shaman’s cafe. Of course I am carrying my crochet needle. Because I am always weaving. When I was seven I weaved a string of thoughts to create an entire script of how love will fill my life once I grow up and not every relationship is about not talking for months, violence, strangling your lover with the same hands that you held while you palpitated before entering a dark room. I have been weaving these thoughts into scarves, sweaters, sometimes they are red sweaters with stains of orange and black because the story always needs variation. The good, the bad. Sometimes they are bright pink bikinis made when I feel like exploding in my sexuality and intense hunger for a warmth. But it’s always an implosion, fireworks going off in my brain, a deep sigh of relief once I free all that fantastical image of making love with the actor/singer you saw on your YouTube shorts.

I always carry a stock of loose yarn because I am always ready with a crochet to create something. Doesn’t matter if some knots are too tight and too loose. When I finish knitting my work, it is a continuation of thoughts committed to create something. Of course I will always knit tangible intangible things/feelings/entire worlds. They have been my only true companion since I was a child. I am after all my mother’s child who wore sweaters, caps, mufflers she knit to keep me warm in winters.

And I am back to that intrinsic feeling: mist, warm lights, tarot, Buddhist mantras, tea, and always a yarn and a needle.

[wisteriabloomz]

I wish to travel Europe and discover pretty, charming houses in villages of France, Scotland, Ireland, Britain, Switzerland, Czech, Poland, the Nordic regions with my friends or lover and just eat the best food and enjoy pretty sites and live in most comfortable and beautiful lodges around the country side. Basically just be rich enough to travel via European Rail and enjoy the culture!

[wisteriabloomz]

Saw this somewhere on Twitter and had this intense feeling of living in a cottage like this somewhere in the Himalayas with my two cats and a dog, my lover. My family and friends visiting us every now and then. And the mountains across light up in the night like an inverted night sky. A quiet life in the mountains. And white snow blankets our cottage in winters and around Christmas.

Also we grow our own veggies and fruits in the garden nearby. And we have a room where one wall is just a giant bookshelf and warm lights and candles light the house in the evening. And then in one room I indulge in occultism and do tarot readings and write on witchcraft and feminism.

[wisteriabloomz]

This blog has become a personal diary entry for me. Chiron in 11h really sucks coz I have just one friend and she lives in Europe. Miles from here

[wisteriabloomz]

Some days I just want to hit a random crazy club somewhere in Europe with my friends and just do stupid things. Like dance or scream or just drink and smoke and then cry about life in general with friends and wake up the next day with the realisation that life’s good coz I have friends who brought me back safely to my place. It could also be just a very hot rich and surprisingly humble caring and a feminist man whose bed I wake up on and he serves me breakfast and we just talk and he just does takes me back to my place. Either way life is good.

[wisteriabloomz]

Women are always beautiful because they are women. But if a man is “beautiful,” he is most likely a viper. The most venomous, and the most deadly thing. And certainly the ugliest of them all.

[wisteriabloomz]

I want to go on a long drive, maybe a road trip along the Konkan coast with the man I am in love with at the moment. He will love me too, maybe more than I could ever imagine. And we will listen to Fleetwood Mac, and all the rock songs that he grew up listening to.