fucking spell jar to make shit stop fucking happening
hello. are you or your loved ones experiencing Shit? will Shit simply not Stop Fucking Coming? Is the universe putting you in a board-less game of Jumanji where every time you make half a move you land on some horrible awful twist of a punishment?
Introducing: Spell Jar To Make Shit Stop! It’ll make shit FUCKING STOP
this is the perfect gift to yourself or your friends and family when the world is crumbling beneath your feet and you desperately need some semblance of calm and normalcy. you can’t make a little bubble where time stops for as long as you need it, but you can make this!
choose between any you have on hand.
💕basil, lavender, and chamomile for stress relief and calm in the face of Shit
💕catnip, dill, nettle and cumin for protection, banishment, and luck
💕rose for blessings and abundance
💕peppermint and garden sage for banishment, protection, and foresight
💕black pepper for banishment and warding
💕bloodstone: physical protection and luck
💕citrine: banishment and foresight
💕malachite: protection and healing
💕snowflake obsidian: protection and intuition
💕onyx: grounding and banishment
💕tourmaline/black tourmaline: balance and banishment
💕oak leaves for luck and success
💕iron stakes, screws, or nails for warding
💕black salt or ash for cleansing, warding, and purification
Once all of these are in a jar, you will need:
💕a piece of paper and something to write with
💕a lighter and a candle, preferably black, white, or another color you associate with protection
“I hearby declare that all negativity surrounding me is to be vanquished and put to rest. No repeated stressors will interfere with daily life. No Bullshit shall be Shitted upon me nor the following people:
[Insert your bullet list of names]
Begone, foul fuckery, as we have no time for your foolishness. Let only prosperity, peace, and calm live on in our lives. Because I Fucking Say So.”
Seal your jar with your candle wax of choice.