Why did you choose to take away my agency and choice? Why did you exclude and isolate me on your own decision, share my information relating to my trauma in a private setting, to purposely mislead others into believing that I said I didn’t want to be there? Why did you call it a positive and progressive space and then proceed to devalue and minimize my words, and then why did you act like I was throwing a temper tantrum when I brought up concerns over basic consent? Why did you brush it off like it wasn’t a problem, when it is something deeply personal to me that I shared with you in private with confidence as my friend thinking I could trust you to not share that information with others, then purposely tip toe around and lie to others when they asked where I was, and using that private information as the reason for isolating me from my friends? You don’t value consent, you don’t value sex positivity, you don’t value anyone except for yourself. Your motivations were selfish, and to brand yourself as inclusive and progressive and to deny basic agency to a person was brutally damaging to me. I am still traumatized by the breach of boundaries and privacy, and then the minimization of my situation when it induced panic attacks, hallucinations, delusions, and then to go to others and say I warped the situation, to lie to my face and try to tell me that I imagined it, that the situation never happened, then to pick apart every single thing I said to try to discredit me. You blamed it all on nicotine withdrawals, because you don’t think that shaming addicts is as ableist as the mistreatment of someone clearly in a psychotic episode. I clarified so many times that you were hurting me over and over, and how you could fix it, how things could be resolved, so to make yourself out to be a caring friend and person when in reality you just use the progressive language and don’t actually care about the feelings of people you pretend to be so open and progressive about. The truth is, there’s a reason so many people separated from you, and it’s because you provide a false atmosphere of safety. You crushed my trust, destroyed the image I had of myself, and sent me into months of panic attacks, and fear of others to the point where I had to leave work, I stopped posting, stopped doing all the things I love, because you took away my agency. You violated my trust, my boundaries, my consent, and I truly hope that you learn some day that your selfish intentions are the cause of all of your falling-outs. You told others while I was in the worst psychotic episode of my life that I was warping others perception. I barely had the ability to speak to others coherently, while you rushed into everyone’s private messages to defame me. You took the project I worked so hard on and put so much effort into, the environment I created, and tore it to the ground, because I assumed you wanted the best for the project, when in actuality you just wanted to take control and police others. You targeted me, caused people to dog pile on me under the assumption that since we were so close it was ok, and then took advantage of my vulnerable mindset when I could hardly properly defend myself, and I still gave you the courtesy of not being insulting, and trying to communicate with you, and fix things. Because I cared about you, and our friendship, because I thought I could trust you to talk things out and make things better. You retraumatized me. I think about you every single day, and how much it damaged me to be hurt by someone I considered myself so close to. I hope some day you learn, and know that your mind games, the gaslighting, the minimizing, didn’t work. I did what I had to, and I don’t regret deleting all of it. Because if that’s what it took to get you out of my life, so be it. I just wish it didn’t hurt so badly, and I wish I didn’t give you the time or place. I want to take back my dignity and self respect now. I want to not feel afraid meeting new people over concerns of a repeat of you.
gummygunk
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
