some puns @woodenboats - Tumblr Blog

How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now!

Sean: I just spent RM380 on pig cups

Me: Take a photo of them in a line, upload on tinder...that's your pig cup line.

Wife: Can you make me a hot tea?

Me: Why? Are you not a hottie already?

An indian tinder is called matcha-maker.

Friend: Shit another Uber driver cancelled!

Me: You must have cancelled too many rides in the past. It's called...Carma.

Why isn't the catchphrase for Hunger Games, "May the odds be ever in your flavour"?

If there was a movie about illegal racing in Nazi Germany, it'll be called The Fast and Führious.

If you are guessing the amount of people in a pool, is it called aswimming?

Carlos is quite an unfortunate name for a chauffeur.

The astronaut who crash-landed safely was very humble about his achievements. He a was a down-to-earth guy.

The plane carrying a supply of mango pudding has crashed on an uninhabited land in the middle of the sea. It is now a desserted island.

You can't use an oven to make fruit juice. After all, bakers cannot be juicers.

If you smoke while eating cake it's called Cigarette Recipe.

If you smoke on Christmas day, it's called Cigarette Santa.

Me: If I said I didn't want to live in the safari I'd be lion.

CJ: You should try it. You'll get used to it after a wild.

Me: If I do it will be the legal way. Don't want to be a cheetah.

CJ: Don't worry. There's a claws that has you covered.

Me: I think that detail is irrelephant.

CJ: Oh deer.

Me: I can only imagine other people reading this. They must be safaring.

I keep getting pimples in my nostrils, I ask why does that happen, but nobody nose.

Forget your favourite colours, it's in the past. Purple is the fuchsia.

some puns