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I want it to stop so bad

I keep digging myself down deeper I won’t stop til I get where you are I keep running when both my feet hurt I won’t stop til I get where you are

It’s been a day of spending every spare moment I have at work (few and far between, today was busy) beating my head against the wall, trying to make something happen with TAZ, trying to guarantee myself a future. It is, tbh, rather hopeless. But it could be worse. at least I feel productive, constantly scuttling to make something, anything happen. I have to use my brain. Be reminded of things I’ve managed to accomplish. My depressed ass is like a shark. If I stop moving, I’ll die. (If I stop bottom-feeding, cheating and lying and stepping on others, letting my body get used for whatever men want as i get thrown on and on to fail up up up to a career I don’t deserve or will never get anyway or—) so I’ll be here forever, beating my head against a wall. Sooner or later, either the wall’s gonna break or I will.

I just want to be a happy goddamn person and I cannot for the life of me understand why that is seemingly a fucking impossibility for me

Rolling up to an 8:30am breakfast in midtown in a mostly bright red Nili Lotan wrap dress, knee-high boots, and sunglasses because I’m incapable of letting people forget how Extra I am at any given time

Would really love to get through one (1) week without the PTSD poppin off. Truly would

Managed to finally have my good day yesterday!! Let’s see here: -we’re basically opening an entire new service so our voiceover clients at The Agency(tm) to do recordings here, and they need a director and editor, and that’s gonna be me. So it’s a promotion to primarily creative work, AND I’m not actually going to be anyone’s assistant so this is dope. I may not even really be here that much longer, if the TV project pans out, but this is a great way to spend that time in the meanwhile -work was shockingly quiet and not overwhelming (I only got 50 emails overnight?!) -Left pretty late, came home, took a bubble bath and ordered Shake Shack (not healthy, but definitely a good move!) -practiced for my set then STARTED TINY HEIST and fell in actual literal love, it is just so GOOD! And Brennan is very good and cute kk bye

Welp. I was SO CLOSE to having a good day yesterday. Work was genuinely fine and moderately rewarding, I got my entire Hexadec outline done and had nice things said to me about it, I was doing so good... and then I found out that my exact job got posted for hiring online. It turns out they’re finally finally hiring someone else to my team so I no longer work for 5 people. Which is great! But no one told me, so I spent all last night engulfed in panic that this is the shittiest possible way to get fired. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t focus on podcasts. The one social thing currently hurting my borderline soul a lot felt 60000x worse, lmfao. And it turns out that I was worried about nothing. Welp. Time to have another good day. Productivity! Doing some logistical work for TAZ! Laundry! I’ll go to the gym! Work on my comedy set! Today will finally, finally be a good day. Please, please, please.

#also please let me know you don’t hate me please

Today is quiet. Thank GOD.

#maybe i’ll finish my outline #and some taz stuff

Everything is actually really really really really really really really really awful.

I get that fucking everyone has post-grad malaise and I feel petty and dumb and like I dont deserve to have these feelings, but also I’d like to literally die

Not to be an absolute Country Bitch but if we ever get an Amnesty tv show with actual real money and we DON’T get country roads take me home on the soundtrack?? I’m fucking rioting

#amnesty #taz amnesty #taz: amnesty #the adventure zone amnesty #the adventure zone: amnesty

Post-grad malaise, baby. Post. Grad. Malaise.

Not to be anorexic on main but if I can truly only stomach like 300 calories a day for an indefinite period of time i find that hard to complain about

It’s midnight in New York and I look awful, I feel awful, I’m in a genuinely garbage mood so I might as well pass out now before its midnight here and I start 2020 in pure garbage misery times

Okay, all of my usual crypticism on this blog aside: I had a garbage end to the most garbage fucking week-and-two-days and of COURSE 2019 is going out shitty just like the rest of it, I’m crying so hard I think I'm gonna rupture a lung but we good out here

in more positive news, I should be in California, getting hugged by my best friends in two days time. should I start deep treating the hell out of my lips?

Would LITERALLY sell my soul for a video of the TAZ live show at SDCC 2017 (specifically the part where griffin loses his mind about the fishing mini game)

#The adventure zone #taz #the adventure zone live in san diego #taz live in san diego #taz sdcc 2017

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not a mom friend, a binding agent