Words of Sweetness and Despair

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Lavender Kisses

When you come home to me,

with open arms.

You’re irresistible charms.

I’m calm, all the stresses of the day disarm.

Your palm in my palm.

You’re heart in my heart,

we will never part.

We don’t insult the spirits who rule the sky.

I will love you long after the day I die,

I do not lie.

You’re here when I cry,

You’re hear when I smile.

I can tell you will be here longer than just a while.

Disappearing isn’t your style,

unless you decide to disappear with me.

You’re touch like meditating,

whenever your away contemplating....

Your lavender kisses,

In your arms is where I belong.

By your side...

Always.

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True Colours

Truth is a stronger force than deception.

Love is stronger than perfection.

There’s nothing real about you.

Your words turn blue in my heart.

You’ve tried to tear me apart.

But you’ve failed....

how does it feel?

That you could be practicing compassion,

but instead you practice malice,

You’re lies are an atlas,

guiding our way to hell.

It’s a shame that some can’t tell.

You’re a plastic disciple,

Your language so blameful,

your language so hateful.

One day your mask will crack,

One day your evil deeds will come back....

to you.

And underneath that plastic rainbow placed on your skin,

Your true colours will come leaking from within...

A perfect acidic black.

The only perfection you possess.

Are the hearts of the innocent trapped on your chest.

Kept in a locket filled with secrets,

You hide under your skin,

an eternity of sin.

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Silence is Bad Medicine.

You can’t drug me up,

You can’t shut me up.

You can’t fully tarnish my name.

Because all your oblivious friends will find out,

all you do is cause pain.

Let it rain,

Let it rain the truth.

It’s time they knew,

All that you’ve put me through.

After all you’ve done for me?

That’s a laugh.

All your prisoners envy me.

Because I am truely free.

You think silence is the best medicine,

because if someone who was not failing in life spoke up,

then your shiny image would darken.

so you prefer to dishearten.

Because you claim that, thats peace.

Peace is only possible when you are brought to justice.

You are not a voice of justice.

You are the true voice for malice.

Family is not forever,

Love is....

and you don’t love me.

You never did.

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The day you walked into my life, All my suffering turned to gold. As others I loved walked away. You held my hand, you'd always stay. Our love inspired us both to lift up. Being pushed around, enough was enough. Together we formed a perfect unity. Our heartbeats together. Our love a Beauty. Never again will I try to seek love in all the wrong places. Mistreatment has so many faces. Your heart is my home, I'm never lost. I'll stand by you, Whatever the cost. My eyes will look no further than yours. Everything encased in my love, Your perfection and flaws. You saved me from those I used to call family. But they don't matter now, Because we will be joined in holy matrimony.

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Blind Life.

You cannot create something, neglect it then expect it to thank you for being a parent. You cannot continue to indulge in irresponsible behaviour, Then have people congratulate you on all your choices. You cannot walk blind and expect others to blind themselves in respect for you. The world doesn't work to accomadate you. You cannot call yourself a mother if you wish any of your children ill. You cannot lie so much and expect trust. Your whole life is a lie. You live the blind life. You can't expect the world to reward you when all you do is backstab all those around you. You're a victim of your own bad karma and one day it will be apparent to you. When they lock you up and drug you because your head won't stop spinning. Your mind and heart is broken because you have become incapable of love. Why would you ever thank me for being a parent, when you have done nothing for me expect bring me down and stand in the way of my happiness. Just you watch me marry him, you can't do shit about it!

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Freedom

I’m starting to understand what love is really about. And with you I never really had a doubt. I just wasn’t sure if I could trust myself here. And when I met you I felt like a blank canvas. I’d lost myself again. And you’re not like most men. I didn’t know what to expect this time, But I thought I should give love one last chance. But ever since you took my hand, You helped me to understand that this time was different. This time I struggled to find myself on my own. I thought I had to remake myself, I thought that me was lost forever with my illness. But being with you made life so much easier. Made recovery so much better. Made me find myself again. And u could see that in you too. You came alive as soon as I walked into your life. You give me freedom! You give me so freedom to be myself to come alive again. Without you, I’d still be lost. Without you I would be lost. I can’t see my life without you, because living a life like that just wouldn’t make sense. We saved each other and we’ll do it again and again. My story is apart of yours, your story is apart of mine. Forever!

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Freedom

I’m starting to understand what love is really about. And with you I never really had a doubt. I just wasn’t sure if I could trust myself here. And when I met you I felt like a blank canvas. I’d lost myself again. And you’re not like most men. I didn’t know what to expect this time, But I thought I should give love one last chance. But ever since you took my hand, You helped me to understand that this time was different. This time I struggled to find myself on my own. I thought I had to remake myself, I thought that me was lost forever with my illness. But being with you made life so much easier. Made recovery so much better. Made me find myself again. And u could see that in you too. You came alive as soon as I walked into your life. You give me freedom! You give me so freedom to be myself to come alive again. Without you, I’d still be lost. Without you I would be lost. I can’t see my life without you, because living a life like that just wouldn’t make sense. We saved each other and we’ll do it again and again. My story is apart of yours, your story is apart of mine. Forever!

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Is my heart getting bigger?

My heart aches for you, whenever you are not here. It begs for you to be near. Is my heart getting bigger? So heavy with love. With you I just can't get enough. In your eyes I see constellations, Stars and the Milky Way. Your eyes so filled with love when they look into mine. Our hearts intertwine when I hands clasp together. You could make my miserable days so much better. I swear I can feel my heart getting bigger, The more you love me, The more you kiss me, The more you hold me close. I love all of you, every piece of you. I've fallen so hard for you. When I'm with you, i feel like a child again. When I am with you I feel so loved, So treasured. Like you would never let me out of your site for a second, In a dangerous world. You would always defend my honour. Our hearts only beat for each other. Our hearts beat as one. The ache is so real. It hurts so blissfully. Is my heart getting bigger. I swear your love makes my heart bigger. I swear my love for you makes my heart bigger.

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In that moment.

You told me a secret with your trembling voice, Your heart (as I imagine it) would have been palpitating right out of your chest. And I took a step back, with a little bit of bewilderment. I guess the digital walls can be deceiving. Because the way you asked me to tell you how I felt, It was as if you were terrified. Terrified that one little secret revealed would make you see me leave. And in that moment my heart broke just a little. And in that moment I realised how much you really love me. How much you cherish me. How much you treasure me. It's not that I didn't know, it's not that I didn't believe you. It's just that I could imagine the panic your eyes. It's just that I could see how much you cared about how I felt. Like somehow your heart fell into mine. Drowned inside it and didn't want to leave. In that moment, I would have looked into your eyes with such love. And kissed you like a kiss that could have gone on forever. In that moment I would have shown you, That I am always yours.

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Good thing I took a snapshot this time. Like before I lost the original post of this poem so I rewrote what I had done on paper and finished it on paper. It's ok I guess. I thought there was a lot of wisdom in it.

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Always on my mind.

Lost in despair, To the cold in the air. They took my freedom because I couldn't tame my mind. They wouldn't let me go, because I was walking blind. And I wondered, what was the point of all of this. He broke my heart and I sunk into the earth. I sunk into the walls, I sunk into absent tears and beautiful illusions. I spoke of promises that were never made. And in my own world I stayed, till tears fell and reality sunk in. So that maybe again I could begin. A year went by, To think it all through, But I didn't want to dare fall in love again. All it was to me was lies and empty promises. All it was to me was timeless heartache. But then dreams I had told me to take a chance again... But then you found me, and I found you. And despite what another would think, Despite what another would say. I took a chance on you. I never saw so much devotion in a person before. I never saw someone who delighted so much in my company. All that time feeling unwanted washed away in a day with you. All that time feeling unloved disappears with the touch of your hand. And you understand. You understand my struggles and my woes. I'm starting to think that all this... This whole journey was just created for me to meet you. And now your always on my mind. Like maybe the worst heartbreak sends you into oblivion. And a better love picks you up and sends you to paradise. Opens you up, and rewrites you so you can breathe again, So you can see again. I'm starting to believe again, that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is an accident. Twisted heartache will always lead you somewhere better. And now your always in my mind, Always in my heart, Like we are never really apart.

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Don't want to jinx it.

I sit here, halfway across the world. Without seeing you face to face. It's the nature of the human race. To feel alone in this wide universe. It's words that I rehearse, They echo in my mind. Don't let your feelings make you blind. But I want to meet you, I want to get to know you. Though fear holds me back. From time to time. It's not compassion that I lack. It's pride that whispers in my ear. Making me fear. And my wanderlust is calling me to go. Calling me to get to know, A continent I have always wanted to feel beneath my feat. This time I won't let myself be defeat. I won't let my dreams be shattered by self doubt. I will not be without. It's you I want to meet. I want to see where this road leads. Because I think you are wonderful. Because I think you are beautiful. I know you to be kind. I don't want to be blind. I don't want to jinx this. But friendship with you is bliss. And it's my biggest craziest dreams I miss.

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A million ways you could reject me.

You could say that you were gay. You could ignore me for more than a day. You could say you like someone else. You could say you don't like me that way. You could only message me late at night. There are a million ways you could reject me. But you might not. I guess I just think about it as to not be too disappointed. But maybe that's pointless. Maybe I should be thinking.... There's a million ways you could say, You like me too!

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Is it worth the risk?

I like you but I don't know if you like me. I've been sitting on the fence for so long. Afraid to take a chance. Afraid of romance. I've been hurt so many times, I've been too scared to take a risk. I've been hurt so many times, It's become easier to be alone. I want to ask you, I want to ask you, Do you want to spend some time with me? Just you and me. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the risk, To tell you, To let you even catch a glimpse of what I feel. Is it worth the risk to let go of the shield of my heart, To loosen the stings that have safe guarded my soul. Just to let you know, That I want to be alone with you. That I want to spend some time alone with you. They say that to love is to let go. Should I open my heart just to be hurt, Or should I open my heart just to give myself the chance, To let love have a chance to enter my heart once again.

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Don't ever mention it again.

Don't ever mention it again. It wasn't you, You wouldn't understand. Don't ever think about it again, I don't care if you find it fascinating, My pain is not for your entertainment. I would erase it, I would erase it all if I had the chance, So it could never hurt me again. Don't ever mention it again. You don't know the hell I endured, You don't know the condemning I received. You believed what you believed. Don't ever think about it again. It's not your pain, It's not your experience, It wasn't your hell. It was mine. And now when some people look at me, That's all they see, They don't think about what had destroyed me, They won't take responsibility, They use my tragedy for their own convenience. Because now they have something to use against me. Now they have something to pave over their faults. But it's not me in the end that they will be ridiculing. It's not me in the end they will be exposing. It's themselves.

[visionisasilentlanguageofbe-blog]

He’s far away, But not far from my mind. His face changes depending on who I look at. Sometimes he appears to not exist when my heart is closed. But he could be anyone when my heart is open. I’m scared, But I’m longing. I wonder whether he imagines, I wonder if he’s still waiting for me.

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Slowly

Slowly, Slowly I'm coming back. Coming into bloom. Soon, the wind echoes soon. Slowly, Slowly I am starting to re-appear. Slowly fades the fear. Don't worry for me. Don't feed that frightful snake. Everything is going to be ok. Today is a new day. Slowly, Slowly I'm coming back. A flower growing from a new bud. A new girl emerging from the mud. Rain, rain clean me. Air, air dry me. Divine, divine, fill me. Those dark days are over now. The worst has drawn to a close. It's like everyone thinks they know why. Why all that happened to me. Like they know how I should be. But I am the one that needs to make sense of everything. Of every fibre and every string. Slowly, Slowly I am coming back. A new flower wakes up. The cold darkness is gone, Now here comes the sun.