Frustrations of a Fangirl

Wisdom and thoughts from a disgruntled fangirl, on fandoms and fans.

[wordsoffandomwisdom-blog]

Love

My first post highlighted the negativities of the fandom, but it's not all bad. For every negative individual there are a handful of beautiful, genuine, kind souls, with hearts of gold.  The acts of generosity I have witnessed are truly breathtaking. I am aware of people helping with travel expenses, buying a ticket for a bereaved stranger, gifting auction items to others who haven't the means to bid themselves, and messages of love and kindness sent from all corners of the globe. The support this fandom gives to those in need is second to none, a true international community of love and support. There is always a listening ear and a hug; whatever the time, someone is awake. This fandom is made up of people with every talent imaginable,  and they work together, giving their time and talents to a common goal, raising money for Sanctuary for Kids. We believe passionately in the work that they do and give our time and skills willingly, most of us without remuneration. I have previously discussed the minority who need to examine their motives, but this is about the majority,  the kindhearted, genuine, generous people who make up this fandom. The fundraisers that fans organize are so widely varied, from quizzes to to sports events, and art donations to sponsored caffeine deprivation. Everyone uses their unique skills and talents to fundraise, and has a fabulous time doing so. These positive experiences are to be embraced, and the individuals commended. This is who we are, what we are known for, our love, generosity, and kindness.  This is what defines us as a fandom. It is what should define us one hundred percent of the time.  Let us focus on the positives but remain aware of the negatives. We are definied by our actions, let us be loving, considerate, genuine, kind, and thoughtful. Let positivity drown out the toxicity building within this fandom, let us overpower the jealousy and bitterness with love and happiness. GABIT renamed AT8 'Respect' at Amanda's request, have we considered why? She is aware of the negativity and mean spiritedness plaguing her fans. The jealousy and rivalries building between groups, the bullying and petty arguments which are causing so much pain to those involved. A comment on twitter said it was ironic that it was Amanda's fans that were behaving like this, and it saddened the tweeter. I find it embarrassing, we hold Amanda and her actions in such high esteem but undermine them in such insidious ways. Amanda is a genuine, kindhearted person, she gives each fan her undivided attention when they meet her, she greets them with a smile, a handshake, a hug, and listens to what they say. She ensures that everyone has a positive experience when they meet her, be it for the first time or the twentieth. Her smile and fun loving persona is visible in the multitude of photo opportunities shared across the Internet,  wether it be wearing hats, jackets, zat guns, looking scared next to a horse head, Christmas hats, ducks, noses, hugs, silly faces, cross eyes, sticking her tongue out, or holding stuffed creatures, she does it with all a smile, or frown or pout, depending on the pose. She is genuinely touched by the kindness and generosity of this fandom, and thats what makes the meanness so heartbreaking. She cried as she left the main room at AT7 after the total raised was announced. I was and am so proud to be a GABIT attendee, to be part of the group that raised so much money last year, and that, fingers crossed, will raise more this year. Live peace, speak kindness, dwell in possibility. Three quotes Amanda holds dear, and we repeat regularly without much though. Let us follow their wisdom, and move past the negativity of the past years. Live peace, live in peace, live with peaceful thoughts and actions. Let us draw a line and move forward with positivity and grace, declare amnesty for past transgressions by treating people with respect and tolerance. Let us not forget the past, but learn from it. Speak kindness, speak with kindness, and about kindness. Let us treat everyone with respect, let us greet everyone with a smile and a hello, a wave or a hug, let's start as we mean to go on, in a positive manner. Let our conversations dwell on happy subjects, fun and laughter from past conventions, fundraisers, and meet-ups, and the future. Let us not come together to cat call and complain, let us focus on the here and now, and enjoy ourselves in the few days we are able to spend together each year. Let us be happy and congratulate others for their luck and experiences, let us not focus on our own jealousies. Let us focus on the positives. Dwell in possibility, dwell in dreams and hopes, dare to dream. This is where you find me now, dwelling in the posibilitiy, and belief that we can move past this negativity, that we can come together as one, a united front and embrace the positivity.  Let us go to AT8 with love in our hearts, and kindness in our minds, let us act from that love and ensure everyone has a wonderful time. Let no one wish they had not attended, or go home feeling unwanted or alone. Let us embrace each and everyone of us with love and kindness, a simple hello can mean so much, and a turned back can do so much harm. Let us shine as individuals and blaze as a group, let our love break through the clouds of hate, and create rainbows of happiness in her name. Let us love each other. Namaste xoxox  

[wordsoffandomwisdom-blog]

Twitter

Another shining example of how this fandom lets itself down is through its use of social media. The cyber bullying that goes on is atrocious and down right embarrassing. Twitter is a wonderful medium for communication and sharing, but it is too easily turned into a weapon to beat people with. 

When someone tweets Amanda and the message is negative or hurtful, of course we want to respond and defend her. The problem is that the defence quickly turns into a cyber beating and creates a new victim. The one tweet snowballs into hundreds. 

Cyber bullying is real and hurtful, regardless of what was tweeted there is no need. You have a right to disagree with someone but you don’t have a right to bully them over it. 

The fandom turns into a pack of vultures, fighting over the carcass of the tweeter. Half berating them for the tweet and the other half kissing arse by going to the tweeters defence. 

If you truly want to support the tweeter and understand them, there is no need to tweet the conversation to Amanda. She doesn’t need to know. If you must have a go at the tweeter, give them and yourselves some respect, and do it in private. Twitter is not the place to air dirty laundry, and Amanda does not need to know. 

Incessant tagging of Amanda in every tweet about every convention or event is also unnecessary. Think before you tweet. Does Amanda actually need to know this? Are you communicating with her, or her followers? Would a hashtag Amanda Tapping or similar suffice? 

If you tweet her and she doesn’t reply don’t take it personally. Think how many tweets she must get every day. It would not be physically possible to reply to them all, and we, as a fandom shouldn’t expect her to. She has her own life and right to privacy, let’s respect that. 

No reply doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen your tweet. I’m sure she has. Respect her and her time, and leave it be. There is absolutely no need for the passive-aggressive emotional blackmail style tweets.

Who Amanda tweets and follows is none of anyone else’s business. If she follows a fan we should be proud and happy for them. It’s human nature to be jealous, but to set out to hurt someone because Amanda follows them is childish and petty. 

This fandom is littered with cyber bullies. Cyber bullying does so much damage to all parties involved, and to do it through a computer is cowardly. 

Think before you tweet

Do you know what is actually going on?

Do you understand the situation?

Do you understand the individuals involved?

Do you actually need to say anything?

Does Amanda actually need to see this tweet?

What is the purpose of your tweet? 

Think before you tweet, respect each other, respect Amanda.

[wordsoffandomwisdom-blog]

Respect

When I decided to go to AT7 it was to accompany my best friend, I never expected to go to another event. I enjoyed my time so much I found myself at two more conventions through the year. I made some wonderful friends and have great fun. I was blessed with acts of kindness and generosity I will never forget, or be able to repay. 

However, I also found myself in unknown territory, a fandom. A fandom described by its centre as ‘loving and giving’. Not long after AT7 I realised how wrong her statement was. I believe the statement to have been made either before, or in the early days of Sanctuary for Kids. 

This fandom, joined by common loves and interest is fraught with competition, jealousy, and social comparisons made on how much money each individual has raised for S4K. 

The motivations behind some of the fundraising activities are far from the genuine support they seem to be. Too many initiatives are aimed at getting attention from Amanda and not about the raising money for the cause. 

Fundraising should be about the children, the women and families the money is helping, not getting attention and praise from Amanda. 

Attention seeking and raising social status by shouting about your ‘better’ experiences is another issue. Everyone’s experience is unique and personal, it is special to them, remember that. 

It is not about what Amanda wrote, said, did, or how much you raised. It is about the act of raising money, and being part of the group. To quote Magnus, I am beyond sick of this gamesmanship. 

I have never seen such obvious jealousy over tweets. Tweets people, tweets. 160 characters. It’s a tweet. Let’s put things into perspective, you’re fundraising to help children meet their basic needs and get an education, and you’re getting your knickers in a twist because you didn’t get a tweet? I repeat, a tweet. 

It’s worse than being back at school. The name calling, bad mouthing, the cattiness, the bitching behind people’s backs and general negativity. This behaviour is not limited to the younger members of the fandom by any means, grown adults are actively participating in this childish nonsense, and are old enough to know better. 

I was bombarded with the immature behaviour within weeks of joining the fandom. It’s stressful, tiring, immature and unnecessary - has anyone tried keeping up with who likes who, and who hates who this week?

Many people jumped on the respect bandwagon and preached manners, civility and positivity, and were catty and rude alongside it.

No one gets on with everybody, it’s life, but being polite and conscientious or rude and catty is a choice. Manners do not cost anything, live and let live, don’t ruin your own experience by being negative about others. You don’t have to love everyone, or be their best friend, you might dislike them, but manners don’t cost anything. Polite acknowledgement and a simple hello creates a positive environment. 

If there is a problem, have the guts to face it.  We’ve all said negative things about other people, it’s human nature to do so, but maturity is about owning those actions and taking responsibility for the consequences. There is far too much ‘but she said’ in this fandom, and passing the buck so you still look good in front of Gabit and Amanda. If you shit on your own doorstep, clean it up and don’t shove it onto someone else’s. 

At this moment, this fandom is competitive, jealous, petty, rude and disrespectful. It’s a disgrace and a dishonour to Amanda. She is a role model to this fandom yet we (as a collective) are the opposite of everything she stands for. How dare we repay her kindness, empathy, grace, humility and encouragement with this childish nonsense. 

Can we all, each and every one of us, stop with the petty, childishness, the competitiveness, the negativity and focus on why we are part of the fandom. Can we enjoy ourselves and show each other some respect by being polite, civil and accepting. 

Be respectful: 

Be polite

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions

Be courteous to others

Be a positive influence

Think before you speak to 

Be honest with yourself, are you part of the problem? Do YOU need to act?

Be motivated by a desire to do good in the world 

Set aside differences for the few days a year you see everyone 

Enjoy your own experiences and let others enjoy theirs

Don’t be bitter about others experiences, be happy for them

In short, show people the respect that you want to be shown in return.