A). As usual, I go home on Fridays but I decided to spend a Saturday at a cafe in NY. Due to construction work, the subway skipped a stop where I had to get off to transfer. All of a sudden, I felt my heart sink and my anxiety rise because I had no control over the unexpected. I started worrying if my plan wouldn't come through but I immediately felt relief when I saw that I could still transfer to Brooklyn. I totally forgot that this route crosses the East river from Manhattan to Brooklyn above the ground level. It's one of my favorite things about spending a $5 roundtrip subway pass because of the view. I thought missing that one step would prevent me from going to Brooklyn but God had something better to show me that He knows the desires of my heart. It was spontaneously inconvenient but it challenged me to trust Him even more with joy.
B). Because I was behind so many posts for my food blog, I decided to spend the majority of my time uploading everything. The internet started to slow down as streams of people crowded over the tables with their laptops. So that was a drag.. It felt like I was taking forever yet wasting my time. I only realized when I was almost done, that I uploaded them to my writing blog instead. I was so devastated because I spent half of the day uploading them on the wrong blog. That, was quite unexpected.
C). Hours passed by as I started to erase everything and re upload it to my food blog. When I turned around to look out the window, it was snowing so heavily. I guess I was so consumed with my blog that I've forgotten about the time and what was happening outside. I looked down to see that I was wearing my suede boots. I had no idea it was going to snow so much all day.. I kept asking myself, "Will I be able to go back home? Should I leave earlier?" I felt like I drained all the time I wanted to spend to enjoy being at the cafe. Instead, I felt bombarded with resistance.
D). Not being able to updating my blog or even doing everything else I wanted to do, I quickly packed my things and headed out to a nearby subway station. Surprisingly, my suede boots didn't get wet at all. It was a miracle.
E). Got on the subway to Port Authority and saw a man who looked so tired. I couldn't help but think, "he was once a baby with so much joy." Right after, I immediately noticed a green paper clip on his coat zipper. When you start noticing the little details, you realize the big things are in the little things. Though I don't have the big picture of this man's life, I know he's a part of NY. What we use to hold papers together, this man uses a green paper clip for his coat zipper. This man still holds the same worth as you & I.
F). While waiting for the bus, I started looking forward to going home to my mom's cooking and I realized, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I am so richly blessed. I started thinking about the homeless people during the snowy day and what they're thinking of if they would have anything to eat yet alone a place to sleep.. When I arrived home safely, I quickly went to the table and saw a meal prepared by my mom, a small plate of strawberries for dessert and my personal mug filled with water. I felt undeservingly blessed.
G). While I was eating, I turned on the TV and saw that "The Pursuit of Happyness" was on. I was hesitant to watch it because I didn't want to feel uncomfortable/upset. But after skipping around some channels, I went back to it and watched the entire thing. Even though I've seen this movie before, I've been shown another perspective I could personally relate to. Seeing people not have a cozy home to stay in, yet alone a home at all, made me feel irritated and sad. Every time it snows, I can’t help but think about the homeless people and where they would find a place to sleep. Would it be the wet subways underneath? Where are there? I wonder how they must feel. I started realizing and questioning all of these things when I looked forward to my home in NJ and the dinner I’ll eat from my mom. No matter how hectic today might’ve looked and my circumstances were challenging, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. After watching this movie, I started thinking about how I would love to build beautiful homes for the homeless and simply cook and be with them and to understand them and share my life with them. My heart breaks for these people because I've tasted what it’s like to be kicked out of your home, to lose every penny in your bank, to see your parents separate right in front of your eyes, to question where I would live to the food I will eat, I’ve tasted a little bit as a child like the little son has experienced. But as a daughter of God, I want to bring these people home. I want to clothe them, feed them, and lift them up. I want to lay down my life and sit at their feet to wash their feet just as my Savior has washed mine when I have lost literally everything. I want to do all of this because I know, see and believe that they have the same worth He see in me.
All of these "suddendlys" happened but I realized I pushed aside the most important thing: Spending time with God and sitting on His word. That was my original plan to go to a cafe in the first place but my own desires seemed more important. I forgot to even take a short breath, even a moment to notice Who was with me. No wonder why I have ran out of time. "Priority is everything." God is in the suddenlys but He's more interested in being with me. That alone transforms everything. These past 3 weeks have been extremely messy and chaotic because I needed to see how much I lacked in priority. I'm all about the little details but God has been stretching me and teaching me to let Him take care of the details because ultimately, who's in control? Who sees the big picture? All that I have to do is "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
It's not about seeking my own righteousness.. what I think is right or good. It's about His plans, His story, and He's inviting me to participate in it if I'm willing to lay down my own desires for His utmost. I'm His little detail. He's the big picture.
