From Where I Was

[workingonwhatworks-blog]

12/18/15

Alexis came over this morning after she told me her day at Zack’s had pretty much ended any chance of her having any interest in him. Id be lying if that didn’t make me happy to hear that he was more or less out of the picture. she was at my house for about 3 hours and it honestly could have felt like 3 days. We watched Bad Santa and just talked and kissed one another to pass the time. It’d been a long since I felt so comfortable in my own skin. The way she smiled and laughed at me just felt so genuine like it was an honest laugh. It felt like she actually cared. Kelly fucked me up so bad I could barely tell if someone was being honest with me or not. With Alexis it was different though I could tell that she cared, that she actually gave a shit. It was nice , hell it was refreshing it’d been so long since I had felt like that so I was unfamiliar to the sensation when it reemerged. The rest of the time we spent together was great it was intimate without the temptation of more. It was funny because we talked about the most random of things. I was sad I had to leave for work because I didn't want to waste this time. I was doing my best to not fuck up. This was one thing I definitely wanted in my life.  Work went normally and I thought every thing was fine until she called at 1. She told me that she had gone out with Connor and with that brought out a lot of bad feelings. She told me that she wasn't over him. She told me she cared about me and wanted what we had to work, but she didn't know what kind of emotional state she was in. She knew I was a risk and was scared to fall again only to end up back where she was now. I couldn’t blame her, she had been through a lot which I felt like I understood. She asked me if I would be okay with being just friends if it came to that. I honestly didn't know the answer. I had begun to get so invested which I knew was bad considering I know she wanted no commitment. I was so attracted to this girl and I felt like we could honestly work. All I wanted was a chance because I felt like if I got that she could learn that I wasn't the type of person to do that to her I just wanted to be there and support her and her for me. Once again my timing was impeccable.

[workingonwhatworks-blog]

12/17/15

I had probably had one of the best dates I’ve ever had with Alexis we just walked around the mall looking at gifts and clothes. I learned she loved burgundy more than I thought a normal person should but it was cute so, whatever. We were constantly touching whether it was my hand intertwined in hers, my arm around her or us kissing consistent contact had felt really nice and really needed. I enjoyed the time we spent I liked getting to know her more and her quirks. No girl has really captivated me like this since Cassie so it was a really nice change of pace. It was nice to not only be seen, but to be seen with which was a good change of pace from Kelly who wanted nothing public with me to ever exist. We were so alike and not nearly the type of girl i ever go for so it felt nice. She felt right. I didn’t care about her money or her past as long as i was what was in the present and she wanted me in her future. I was falling for this girl,fast, and I had no one to catch me.