ones&zeroes @wreckeddesign - Tumblr Blog

"The Heart to Start: Win the Inner War & Let Your Art Shine" David Kadavy's new book is free for 48 hours http://thndr.me/16MIk1

christophermfowler

wreckeddesign

really digging the colors and textures on this

christophermfowler

wreckeddesign

power

mylife-x-myway

this is the gorge swing. after doing the zip line i realized that if i didn’t want to have my wig decorating the bottom of the gorge, i better hold onto that fucker tight. the scream was compulsory - you can’t jump off towards a potential death and not scream. super fun.

wreckeddesign

my girl cheating death in South Africa.

#carey #straight edge #vegan #south africa

‘Bastards of Young’ by The Replacements is my new jam.

#thisismyjam

070113

all I hear in my head is defeatist.

I need a new plan desperately...because what I'm currently doing isn't working. so, either I'm missing out on something I should be doing daily or the meds I'm on aren't enough or the correct ones. That's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what could be the malfunction. So many possibilities and everything seems to overwhelm me.

it's a beautiful day in the Chicago land today. Sunny, perfect temperature, windows open...but inside my head is just black desolation. I'm so desperate to find something that gives me some sort of hope that I can beat this shit...

#depression #Another Day In The Salt Mines

‘Minno’ by Hot Water Music nothing can take away the times and memories I shared with these dudes, but I still miss them more than words. #HotWaterMusic #Gainesville #TourLife

#hot water music #Tour Life #gainesville

Manual

...You say you've got it,

I believe that you've got it,

and that you'll survive...

#Hot Water Music #Manual #Forever and Counting

Fancy Mood by Benoit Challand

#typography #3d #illustration #design #Benoit Challand #behance

Cuz I'm not doing any good

The me you know is fraught with flaw,

I bet you wish I would

It's not crazy, it's just clear,

I do nothing but let down

#As Friends Rust #laughing out loud #gainesville #florida

just so tired

i've always hesitated to actually post blog type posts...mostly keep everything bottled up only expressing the inner workings of my brain to a select few...but even those select few don't know everything. I segregate it all so I'm not too burdensome on any of my friends.

I think the core of my issues can be boiled down to a couple main categories:

I rarely ever feel honestly happy and if I do it's always fleeting

I am constantly crushed by my own self doubt

It's such a frustrating thing to always feel like no matter how many things in my life "line up", or how well they appear on the outside, I always feel like true, full experience happiness is just out of reach. Not only in my ability to feel it myself, but almost if not even more so to give it out. I'm constantly reminded of mistakes I've made no matter how old they are. I never forgive myself for any hurt or pain I've caused to the people close to me. I sometimes even wonder if there is anything positive I bring to the table in any of my relationships (friendships or otherwise) besides disappointment and regret. It's painful to see how happy people around me are. How easy it seems for them...how natural. I sometimes wonder if these are the same feeling my father felt, if these questions were the same ones that churned in his head before his self accomplished demise. At 42 I've already outlived his life span by two years, but I don't struggle any less, or feel I'm any closer to a working solution for myself. I've taken the drugs, changed dosages, tried "cocktails", worked with different types of therapy & therapists, read handfuls of books on "feeling better" but nothing has made a bit of a dent as of yet. They all leave me in the same situation. I start each one hopeful this might bring some sort of positive, and end up finding myself just like where I am now...somewhere between frustrated, angry, and alone.

I'm just so tired of waking up to no drive, no motivation, no desires....there's got to be more to life, or at least something resembling a life that is attainable. At least I hope there is, maybe it's naive...I've spent the last 20 something years trying to find a groove, but these forced results always have me coming up short.

#documenting #depression #suicide #black thoughts