soft fruit @wrinklywraisin - Tumblr Blog

Feel your palm in my palm. Your hands on my body. Your lips tell me you love me, you want me, the truth. See myself in your eyes in your future and you in mine. Closer closer closer. Their eyes on us don’t matter. Only ours.

A pinch on my butt that makes me jump and he giggles. He smiles as he gets sleepy. Rhythmic breathing, his fluffy hair smooshed into the pillow next to mine. There are a lot of other important things. My stupid antics don’t matter, he sees me through them and forgives me so I can move on. Spoons me tight, I hold his hand until we fall asleep.

Our bodies pressed

Rain pouring from your phone speaker

Your hand finds mine to hold while we drift away

Is it your heartbeat or mine?

I don’t want to be your friend

I can’t tell if you feel the same way

I am so used to creating stories to make myself miserable. You are so close that any distance feels unbearable. Why don’t you say anything ? Why do you hide in your room and text me instead of coming out? Why do you let me fall asleep so you can “surprise me” and hang things. Am I just a ride and shelter? Am I just sex to you? Why would you tell me it’s more than that if that’s the case? What are you so fucking afraid of?

Last night Radiohead playing softly from your phone next to our heads

You’re inside me or maybe I’m around you. I can’t take my eyes away from yours.

“Do you feel me? I can feel you.”

He said “come over here!” With his arms out to hug me, “I like it when you’re here.” We hugged and I said what does that mean? He said it means whenever he hangs out with me he has a good time except when he makes me cry.

He said he had a dream that

He was cutting my hair and

I was naked and he

Cut from the bottom middle and up to each side

He said he needs to watch some videos and I said he should just do what his dreams tell him

He said we are yin and Yang about something unimportant but it felt like synchronicity

I know it sounds stupid and everyone is mad at me no matter what because they can’t see it

It’s not stupid

If I hadn’t met you I would be in North Carolina right now continuing to suffer because I would still be afraid

I wouldn’t have bills to pay or a little mold in my bathroom but I wouldn’t be alive either

If I hadn’t stood too close in the driveway at night listening to aldous Harding or hit the wall 100 times with golf balls in the living room or stayed out all night listening to in rainbows before we sobered up enough to drive home

If I could get over the idea of never seeing your face again or hearing your voice ringing through my skull

“You look good” somehow turned into changing my whole life and I know it’s not insignificant but even If nothing else came of any of it

I can’t ever tell you that you saved me you saved me you put the mirror in my hand and opened the door because you’ll know

You already know. You can feel it. I know too.

You make me soup and massage from my calves to my shoulders while I sleep. You slide into my bed taking a break from the fishes to tell me another story about your grandpa. I watch your eyes dart around looking for every detail. I love telling you to fuck off when you apologize for talking too much. I wish you’d talk forever.

Every time I ask it happens. Last night i asked you to come lay with me before you cleaned the kitchen. I can feel you, your sweet face smiling from above me and you lean down to kiss me just one time. I know it’s true.

I missed the solar eclipse because I forgot to set an alarm

I spent the night drinking cocktails you made me and listening to stories about your family that you swear you’ve told me

Listening to in rainbows live from the basement until maybe 4 am

Of course I missed it

As the moon was passing the sun i was pressed against your body with your arm around me and your breath on my neck your heartbeat on my spine and your soft skin in my hands

In the morning on my back under three blankets with your arm around my waist. You turn over on your back with your arm around me and I lay my head on your chest and my hand on your heart. Your sleepy eyes. Desert island disk.

Last night giggling you told me that in the morning when I ran my fingers softly along your back while you were sleeping, if you could wake up that way every day that’s how you would want to do it. If you could love something, you’d say you love that.

You made me soup and asked me to season the squash. We took a walk around the neighborhood with your empty backpack just because you wanted to wear it. I told you about seeing myself in the ether looking through a tear above your body while I was “saying my little things” in bed and you pulled me up out of my seat and told me not to ever call it little again

I fell asleep on your side of my bed in your pillows and I open my eyes to your sweet face right next to mine. I put my hand over your heart and you opened up just a little to let me in. In the morning I wake up to desert island disk and your hand softly caressing my back. It’s too dangerous.

Last night he rubbed my back with coconut oil until I fell asleep. He said he gave me a little kiss on my neck and I shot awake and I said I didn’t remember, do it again and he did.

He told me when the clasp of my necklace comes down to the front I can make a wish. I’ve been wishing and it’s happening. It always happens. Desert island disk

At the bar you said you really wished we were laying in the grass. Something about sleeping next to me, you called me an angel.

In the car it feels like your hand barely leaves the back of my head. We get home and scramble to open the windows. I changed my pants in the car and somehow my thong is on the kitchen floor. I’m not panicking because you’re there.

We lay outside on the blanket on our bellies and you laugh at me because my leg is taking up so much room. I ask you to start Suzuki over. “Get over here!” And you pull me into you and hold me. Your hands on my back on my neck gently pulling my hair to the side. You touch me everywhere and you’re breathing feels so controlled. I ask you what you’re trying to do and you laugh and swing my legs over yours. I sit up and look into your smiling eyes and I kiss your lips and touch your hair. I don’t remember falling asleep but I know it was against your body with your arm around me. Fuck

You

Moving my boxes and boxes and boxes into the moving truck. Three days of stress and pacing and looking at the clock.

You come downstairs with your arms out and hug me tight for “stress relief”

I lean over the back of the couch to talk to you and you smack my ass like it’s no big deal

We wake up to snoozed Radiohead alarm 4 times because you can’t keep your hands off me

You said it’s been a long time and it’s kind of scary.

Waking up to your snoring sleepy face next to mine your toes poking out of the blanket in the grass one eye opens to ask me “are we snoozing?”

A few hours before you say you’re so glad we’re friends and I say something maybe funny and you hug me

You try to fix my vacuum and you mow the lawn and pull the weeds and share your pickles

You remember

What else am I supposed to do

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