Write In Calgary @writeincalgary - Tumblr Blog

Moving to the Middle East

A friend is someone who will help you move. A good friend is someone who will help you move a body. A great friend is someone who will move with you to play football in Winnipeg. Jordan Yantz QB for the University of Manitoba Bisons has some great friends.

Yantz came to the Bisons with a core of players from the Vancouver Island Raiders, based in Nanaimo, B.C. If Yantz can convince 5 Islanders to play in Winnipeg, in November, you can bet he is a presence in the locker room.

That presence was quickly turned into a fast start as the Bisons rolled out of the gate with a 65-41 win over Regina Rams and appeared to be poised for a breakout year.

Reality however eventually brought the Bisons back to earth. Losses to Saskatchewan Huskies, UBC Thunderbirds and Calgary Dinos have the Bisons sitting with a 3-3 record.

Much was expected at the start of the season as the Bisons went all in to change their recent CIS fortunes. Yantz was the centre piece on a blitz to instill a winning culture.

As a QB for the Raiders Yantz put up numbers which made him a highly recruited prospect by all CIS programs. The fact Yantz chose to become a Bison says a lot about the character of the first year QB. Or he is hiding a career long concussion.

In the past 5 years the Bisons have made the playoffs just once in 2012 where they were demolished by the Calgary Dinos. It was hoped that coming from the successful Raiders program the addition of Yantz would lead the Bisons to the Promised Land in the new Investors Stadium.

I want to say Bison fans stampeded back because they did. The Homecoming game was a hit and the last game at Investors, almost 5000 fans braved a soaking rain to cheer on the team.

In an ordinary year Yantz’s QB stats would be considered a successful start to a CIS career. Yantz has racked up almost 1700 yards in the air on 54% completion and added another 300 with his feet.

With just 3 Int’s compared to 13 TD’s in over 200 tosses, Yantz shows he can take care of the ball and put up points. Now there are just 2 games left for the Bisons to claim a spot in the post season. Win and they are in.

Tackling the challenge of turning around a program is one thing. If Yantz can take care of business, get into the playoffs and go on an extended run, Yantz just might be able to convince more Islanders to join him in Winnipeg next year.

Snow and Surf on the Turf

The fact Cayman Shutter of the University of Regina Rams was named CIS Offensive Player of the Week was reason enough to interview him. By chance I also had a personal connection, I knew his Dad, Darryl, when we were pups.

Did Cayman know his Dad dated the popular girls the rest of us were chasing?

“I think my Mom knew that,” he said, “But Dad was smart enough not to talk about it.”

Thus began an enjoyable banter with an articulate, poised man as he described his life and experiences so far on and off the football field.

I tried to fool him with a couple trick questions off the bat.

Cayman left Regina when he was 10 to live in Hawaii so returning brought up many thoughts. Did he have a concussion? Was he unable to remember what a November game in Regina is like?

His response was insightful: “It was obvious I wasn't going to be a starter in Hawaii. I felt I had learned a lot over the years: how to study tape, prepare a game plan and most important become a better athlete. Now it was time to move on, I wanted to play.”

“My Hawaii Coach (Norm) Chow helped me find another place to land. I went to the CFL combines and although I was unable to fully compete I received some interest from the CIS. I talked with Coach (Frank) McCrystal of the Rams and then after discussing it with my parents, it just became a natural fit.”

Cayman’s transition to Prairie life was made easier by the amount of family he has in Regina. In particular his cousin Mitch Thompson (a player with the Regina Thunder) gave support and an initial place to crash.

I wanted to know, other than bikinis in winter, what were the differences between Regina and Hawaii? You would think he was quoting the Farmer’s Almanac.

“Really, if you take the weather out of it the people are similar,” he said. “Hawaii is such a small place, but once you have proven yourself you become part of the family, the same as Regina.”

“Here there is an ocean of wheat outside the city compared to the actual ocean in Hawaii. I think the isolation makes people more accepting of outsiders.” I immediately pictured him in bib overalls, chewing on a straw and looking up for rain clouds.

I asked if he was using ‘eh’ in the huddle.

He played right along. “Not yet,” he said, “but I have a team-mate who has a Z in his name so I'm still adjusting to using ‘zed’ instead of ‘zee’. Don’t want to get into a phonetics battle in the huddle.”

After flying away from an island of Poi and Papayas to a city of wheat and barley, Cayman says the change in pre-game meals has been a bit of a shock.

“Last game we had Boston Pizza”. I was horrified! “Does your nutritionist know that’s what you eat?” “It’s healthy” he countered “They have pasta as well and garlic bread. We need to carbo-load before a game”. I mentioned the garlic breath would probably keep the defensive line-men away but his answer was a short. “No”.

How close is Cayman to the CFL? Like any athlete, his answer was part confidence in his abilities and part focused on the task at hand.

“I want to be a CFL QB and I have the skills and aptitude to become one,” he said. “But right now all of my effort and energies are focused on helping the Rams win. We have a bunch of new guys who are just starting to jell and if we all come together we are going to make some noise.”

The discussion turned to why Canadian QBs were not playing in the CFL. Did he notice any differences in the way the position is played in the CIS compared to Hawaii? “None at all,” he says. “The skill level, the way they run the offence and their compete level is the same. In the US football is a huge industry and so we are given more coaches and training in our earlier years, but at this level most CIS QBs could play for an American university.”

With CFL’s talk of a designated Canadian QB slot, Cayman could one day have the advantage of teams needing to fill that spot. You'd think he is biased in his opinion on the spot but his answer is measured

“As a Canadian player I would love the chance to stick on a CFL roster,” he said. “Sometimes when there is a roadblock, there needs to be a rule that will help level the playing field. Right now QB is the only position that Canadians don’t excel at so maybe if the teams were given a chance to groom a Canadian, without the penalty of using a non-import spot,that would change.”

We ended with me asking him for a tweet-sized description of his QB style. He fires off: “Quick mind, quick feet, strong arm & accurate passer.”

I’ll add articulate, intelligent and funny. Cayman faces an uphill challenge to make it as a CFL QB, but I wouldn't bet against him.

writeincalgary

Most people ask me what I do. Especially those who I am doing work for. This is a valid question as sometimes I’m not really sure.

For the last 10 years I consulted to ZEDS Comic Communication as the “Creative Direction” of the ZEDS brand. So far this has meant instructing the principles (Zoey...

Derek Wilken Humour: Professional Corporation

Most people ask me what I do. Especially those who I am doing work for. This is a valid question as sometimes I’m not really sure.

For the last 10 years I consulted to ZEDS Comic Communication as the “Creative Direction” of the ZEDS brand. So far this has meant instructing the principles (Zoey Duncan Eva Pea and Steele Duncan) in the skill of comedy, creating opportunities for them to instruct other groups, assist in giving talks to groups and stand-up or help to craft and edit writing projects.

In the time together ZEDS and I have done over 10 shows, 100 classes and 100000 updates for the Wit and Writing Meetup group, managed many political and charitable shows, taught for government departments, business and non-profit entities. ZEDS has created a comic book for the Distress Centre and co-authored a book for the University of Calgary Department of Surgery.

ZEDS has coached individuals with emotional and physical disabilities, business troubles or those just wanting to have a more fun life. All this is made possible by Derek Wilken Humour: Professional Corporation. It’s what I do.

I also consult to my previous company the CHEERS project on humour programs for people with a mental illness, developmental disability, brain injury, physical disability or illness and law enforcement. These programs are also owned by ZEDS Comic Communication and run as a separate company.

Now that my contract with ZEDS has changed to a more advisory and cleaning position, I am open to working offers. I do not want a lot of work so I will be picky, and you should know all of my talents are focused in humour.Your humour will be tested literally and figuratively before we even begin. I have a TEST!

Need a facilitator to deliver your message? Someone to train your facilitators to have more humour in the message? Find a way to enjoy life more or take a bold risk to change it? Have a company that needs humour to save your staff and customers? Have a political campaign that is going off the rails or want to start it on the right track? Want an entertaining and unforgettable speaker?

This is what Derek Wilken Humour:Professional Corporation is all about.Our slogan:

“ If you think you don't need help with your humour... hold that thought”

Now accepting applications from clients.

The NEW PC Party: The Sexism and Blame Game

The NEW Premier of Alberta has gone to great lengths to show just how NEW he really is. In doing so his first acts have been to put a torch to all the controversies that brought Alison Redford down. Let's be clear the controversies were of her doing, but they are not limited to Alison in any way.

Peter Lougheed, Don Getty, Ralph Klein, Ed Stelmach and Dave Hancock all have the same stains on their hands. All of them created entitled programs or pay-offs for their inner circles.

We tend to anoint sainthood on Peter Lougheed but he had flaws as well. Peter signed the original National Energy Program. Because of his actions on energy Alberta had to create The Food Bank to deal with the ramifications of policies that were his alone. When Peter took office he, his whole caucus and their wives went on a month long trip to Europe. On the taxpayers dime.

Sound familiar?

This column is not about the past PC Leaders tendency to live an entitled life and enrich those around them or the bad policies they all enacted that have left Alberta broke fiscally and morally. That's for historians.

This is about how the PC Party is treating over half of the population. The female half.

All of the Leaders above did harm, and good to Alberta.Yet all of them are openly praised or at least allowed into the conversation of Alberta's past.

All except for Alison. She alone has been written out of the PC narrative and yet it could easily be argued her actions and decisions were in keeping with past PC leaders.

When Prentice took office he could have mentioned her, in passing if nothing else, Instead he praised Hancock who just finished appointing a bunch of insiders with an executive order, was shown to have been a direct or indirect party to the entitlements of Alison and had tried to interfere with a death investigation using the "Aura of Power" so attached to Alison.

Not one mention of Alison by name but a lot of inferring that she, and she alone, destroyed the prosperity and morals of Alberta. What a witch eh? Like a 21st Century Grimm Tale.

What this is proving to the women of Alberta is that the PC Party will use you when convenient and then toss you under a campaign bus the minute you become a liability.

Treating women as objects was a shameful part of our past. With the PC Party, it is a continuation of traditions NEWLY resurrected under our NEW Dear Leader.

Prentice is like a man who blames all of his problems on an ex wife or mother.Instead of giving the same respect to Alison as he has given to the men in her Cabinet, Prentice is demonstrating his sexism for all to see.

How you treat the most vulnerable in society is a reflection on you and your moral compass. By continuing to pile on and blame Alison for the sins of the Party, Prentice is showing a lack of respect or opportunity for the women of Alberta.

Aside from being a convenient and successful scape goat.

The Law Volunteers

The benefits of having a legal system performed by volunteers and administered with public input are obvious. Lawyers will still practice Law and will find other ways to earn income. Alberta needs welders.

Volunteer lawyers will be more concerned with the case and have at their disposal the opinions and history of the past. It's law where a mistake is not unheard of and public opinion can still be brought to bare.At the end of the day no one ever says "I wish we had more lawyers".

Best of all it would reduce the #Navigator effect of government. With legal opinions subject to open and transparent debate the players are easier to consider. Where the money is going and who has influence are quickly evident.

Next up... Potentate and the #Navigator Piper

I'm Trying to Follow the Logic

The account @allegedlyold was recently followed by an individual who openly admitted to being affiliated with #Navigator on Twitter. So the question comes down to should I follow someone who is openly #Navigator in his Twitter profile? Follow an analyst from #Navigator…? Let me I think…

The “enemy of my enemy is a friend” aspect of following back is confusing to me. Somehow the sum of that is the whole circle of patronage at the intersection of trough & snout. There is a thin line that separates people. A credit-line usually and with being followed I am being given too much credit and handed a line.

Generally I avoid the conflict by telling jokes and aim for having no enemies or friends and a perfect flat credit line. So do I want to sully it by blocking #Navigator? Do I want to sully it by following #Navigator? Do I love the word sully?

In the end I guess it will come down to “can I afford to lose?” If I can’t… well there’s always a company I could hire.

Alberta Budget: A Weeks Worth of Tweets

Budget week is like Crhistmas, Halloween and Groundhog Day all rolled into one for a comic who loves politics. Here are the most popular tweets from the Alberta Budget, a week that was sweet to tweet.

My apologies if you are reading this and know nothing about Alberta politics. Missing the funniest show since Game of Thrones.

The Budget

"We did it" says Horner "Replaced a "debt ridden" budget with a "debt hidden" one! Keep the bars open! #ableg #ABbudget

"Turned a corner" says Horner "ran over kids future & when we throw grand kids under the car we'll see daylight!" #ableg

Horner saying Happy Birthday & giving #ABbudget to Premier like giving a kid a present & sticking them with 30 yr payments #ableg

#ableg say they are the Peoples Choice! An award picked by a corrupt foreign press? You got us there! #ABbudget #UNTrouble

"We are only borrowing so our kids can have the privilege of paying interest. #ableg #ABbudget

#ABbudget preamble is like listening to a drunk uncle tell you about his glory days on the gridiron. #ableg #YesWeKnowHowGr8YouAre

The Throne Speech

"Funeral Music" kicks off #ableg Throne speech. 'We thought it would be fitting to honour death of our kids dreams"

"We will drive growth except for when a private plane makes more sense" #ableg

"#ableg will travel the world for new markets because no one wants oil any more. It's a tough sell" #1stClassSacrifice

"We will tell our story to the world! Find it in the fiction section..." #ableg

The Build-Up

Kids don't need math! They need problem solving skills to answer the problem of where to sit in overcrowded classes #ableg

If PC MLAs are going to answer pre approved questions can't they memorize them like the times tables? #ableg

PC MLA says he is briefed on issues around culling the herd. "It came up in private caucus meetings" #ableg

Carbon Capture, Swan Hill Waste Disposal, Novatel. #ableg diversification touts a promising future based on past results

Premier give $$ to Ukraine. "Next election we promise to fund education so our kids can find it on a map" #ableg

#ableg to unveil a new slogan today replacing “Freedom To Create Spirit To Achieve” with "Fly the Friendly Skies"

Most terrified person in #ableg? It's the one that "volunteered" to answer Premier travel questions

"All my money is tied up in Tobacco futures" Premier explains inability to payback travel #ableg

"You are so magnificent could you breathe in my direction?" Tough question from PC MLA #ableg

"Stop scaring seniors. They have a tough enough time buying food" Horner makes good point #ableg

"1st thing we do is dig a hole for a school, then bury the promise to build it" McIver explains #ableg policy

"Her doll needed a body guard" Premier explains why her daughter brings friends on Government plane.#ableg

Fashion Police @KikkiPlanet shows investigative side on other runways as well. #BestUndressedTravel

I guess dads are not the type of people that want to spend time with their kids only moms that are a Premier #ableg

"I tricked the unions & teachers there is no way I'm going to trick the rest of Alberta' #ableg #wink

I can't wait for the election...only 730 very odd days left...

Walk the Talk

After being attacked as being a far right Neanderthal that denies life as scientists know it... I thought it would be informative to put our my views on Global Warming or Cooling to find the Global just right...

I believe we MUST reduce greenhouse gasses, pollution and our reliance on oil. It's a nice statement. What makes me different is that I walk the talk... literally.

I have no car. I made a personal decision years ago to use public transit or walk. Lately I have found Calgary Car Share and have to admit some times it is a great way to go. Sometimes my ego just won't fit in a crowded C-Train.

Here is a summary published by the University of Hawaii on an article I wrote for the Calgary Herald.

The Cheerful Times - Pedestrian Page is a cheerful web page dedicated to "publishing features on the joy and pain of being vehicularly challenged in an automobile obsessed society." Endeavouring to create new converts from road rage to pedestrian serenity, guests are encouraged to send their stories of walking the sidewalks of the cities to [email protected]. This publication is from Derek Wilken, one of the Directors of the CHEERS project entitled: Perils of a Pedestrian, from the Calgary Herald, Saturday, January 17, 1998. Notable quotes and facts to hang on Wilken's transportationally troubled humour on pedestrian serenity include:

35% of the Calgary population uses transit at least once a week, averaging 8 trips a week.

25% of Calgarians have never been on a bus or train.

110 wheelchair users ride the system daily.

Walking improves health and fitness, while decreasing stress.

Money is saved on car payments, insurance, gas and maintenance costs.

You're helping to fight the pollution battle.

On weekdays, during peak months, October to November, about 150,000 Calgarians ride the system daily, making 250,000 trips.

While the icy sidewalks, bone-chilling winds, skateboarders and bike couriers are some of the many challenges we have to face, worst of all is the pollution. We are assailed by the obnoxious, poisonous excretions from the horseless carriages of today. We decrease pollution by sucking the toxic fumes into our lungs. We don't need fewer cars to decrease ozone emissions, WE NEED MORE WALKERS ! ! !

So when I am lectured on my beliefs (we need to look at ALL sides of an argument and I support the rights of car owners too) by people like David Suzuki, Rick Mercer and others that create more greenhouse gasses during a flight to speak out against flying than I do in a year... I am amused. As a comic I can't help but enjoy a good irony!

Calgary heads towards Bush League

At first blush lumping Naheed Nenshi and George Bush together is a stretch. One is a white Christian fundamentalist American the other a brown Muslim liberal Canadian. One likes to ride his bike the other wants the rest of us use his bike lanes.

George Bush was elected in a tight race in 2000. Naheed was elected in a tight race in 2010. One came from a family of successful politicians, the other was from Texas.

George claimed he was a fiscal conservative yet left America with their biggest fiscal mess in American history. Naheed was elected saying he was a fiscal conservative but has presided over tax increases of 32% in his 3 years in office. One claims these are lies perpetrated by their enemies, the other knows it.

These are the small similarities between the two. The biggest is the lasting legacy they will leave to partisan politics. Both entered office saying they were going to work to erase the divisive policies of their predecessors. And they tried, but those SOB's just wouldn't listen to reason.

George managed to win by creating a boogeyman of the liberal elite and uniting the far right religious segments. He was guided by Carl Rove a back room strategist with a big head for politics and a scourge of one-size fits all hat wear. Carl successfully painted liberals as the demon that would destroy America while preaching family values for all.The family that divides together...better have a gun!

During his run for a second term George used his infamous “Your with us or your with the terrorists” remark to divide America.Most wanted a 3rd option, larger soft drinks.

Naheed managed to do it by creating a boogeyman of the conservative elite, anyone who wasn't as smart as him. By uniting the labour and far left segments of the population he proved he was no dummy and he once wore really big glasses..

Naheed was guided by Stephen Carter a back room strategist with a big head for politics and a Be (secretly) Bold message. Stephen successfully painted right of centre parties and developers as the demon that would destroy Calgary and turn all of into hammer wielding suburban loving Peace (Bridge) haters.*PatentPending

In his run for a second term Naheed is openly supporting Ward candidates he “can work with” to divide Calgary.Those he is supporting are ecstatic with his help offering to send him on a much needed vacation, anywhere but in their Ward.

Both saw their popularity soar during catastrophic events to their electorates. Both were lauded for their ability to read words put in front of them, often with little sleep. Each has used this "political capital" to further partisan goals using the real capital of voters.

The lasting legacy of George is he created a Republican party that is inflexible and obstructionist to any perceived loss of “American” values.Values hotly debated when they were enacted in 1776.

The lasting legacy of Naheed will be the creation of party politics in a Municipal election that had been contested in the past on issues.Why talk about transit, sewers and taxes when there is a chance to have a cup of coffee with the coolest Mayor in Canada?

In the end Calgarians are being given the fun and excitement of calling your neighbour Right/Left wing nut case all the while ignoring the real issues. It happens sometimes when an Emperor takes the Purple...

Top 5 ways to make $1 billion disappear

# 5 Buy 500,000 cases of Molson’s Canadian and ask your friends to watch it

# 4 Give it to a Nigerian Prince and wait for $ 3 billion to come back

# 3 Farm it until it is all gone

# 2 Offer to cover the losses of the Phoenix Coyotes for a couple years

And the # 1 way to make $1 billion disappear…

Hire the Government of Alberta accountants and ask them to make your books “look good”

For the Future

A conversation with a concerned and obviously intelligent person about the situation in Alberta has been nibbling at my conscious. As a comic I try to use wit, ridicule and irony to point out the reasons Alberta needs to change their government. Maybe it’s time to be serious about it. It may be my only “dry” rant.

Alberta is unique in the world. Yes every jurisdiction thinks they are “special” that their people and policies are unique. Alberta alone can claim that distinction because of its history and resources. From the beginning of its inclusion in Canada Alberta was poor, not just a little poor but dirt poor. Our resources had not yet been developed and all of the wealth and industry was centred in Eastern Canada. The rail-roads controlled the land and prosperity during the early days. During the depression it was Eastern Bankers who gained control of the lands from those unable to pay taxes or mortgages. We were little more than serfs working the land and sending food and money back to the East.

Our Government was mostly controlled from Ottawa and when we tried to assert dominance over our fortune it was quickly put down. The patronage was filled by appointments made from outside the Province and to challenge it meant poverty or exclusion from the workings of poverty. We elected who we were told to or paid the consequences.

The oil industry changed our fortunes. We were shut out from money to develop it initially by Eastern Canada who felt it conflicted with the cheap imports from Venezuela, Mexico and the Middle East. Finally we looked south to Texas and Oklahoma to find the money and technology to develop the resources. This is why Albertans more than any part of Canada have an “American” spirit of small business ownership and suspicion of a centralized government.

When the industry began to prosper Ottawa stepped in under the cover of “national interest” to attempt a takeover of the industry. The National Energy Program was a thinly veiled attempt to take away the prosperity and return control over our industry to the mandarins in Ottawa. The master/serf relationship was noted by the Supreme Court which after a prolonged fight re-affirmed Alberta’s right to ownership and control of our resources. A seismic shift occurred in Alberta where individuals became wealthy developing the resources and the PC’s became a dynasty on the strength of their refusal to cave into Ottawa and the Eastern Bankers. This is described in a much more intelligent and, funnier way in a book called “Malice in Wonderland” by the comic genius Alan Fotheringham.

For a while Alberta became the place to be for a number of reasons. Economic prosperity was possible for “free enterprise” individuals and companies as there was no system in place, like the rest of Canada, which would be there to siphon off the benefits of individual achievement. If you wanted to work you did not have to “belong” to a union, political party or association. This was almost unprecedented in history; even in the USA which despite loudly proclaiming to be “Land of the Free” had a hierarchy that cut into an individual’s freedom. Alberta alone was the place where you could make good and many did.

We are now 40 years into our freedom and the potential to “make good” has been robbed by the very party that created it. No one can argue that Alberta should have more saved in our bank account. No one can say our social programs are comparable to other places. We spend more to get less every year. Ralph Klein, love him or hate him, gave us an opportunity to regain our economic footing and in less than 10 years it is all gone. Ralph was almost a complete outsider and was given the chance to make us strong because the PC's were in dire straits. It will not happen from within again. Here is why…

Because we have not change the levers of power the people who live off the Government have not changed, or if they did they were given untold wealth to go away. In other Provinces when a Government changes the people change as well and mistakes from the past are uncovered and cleaned up. We have buried our mistakes to the point where we are now borrowing to pay for their “retirement” and continued prosperity. Look at how many times we “reorganize” government departments like health care and communications. Every time this occurs, friends of the Government get rich, a layer of patronage is added and Alberta can no longer make intelligent decisions. If “efficiency” is needed to make the system run better it is discarded because a patronage appointment is threatened. We are now at the point where good ideas in Government are killed because they do not have the support of people who are living off the bad ones.

Look only to the past year and the revelations of excess in all departments. This is happening because for the first time since Lougheed was elected an opposition is demanding answers. The ones we get are so incredibly corrupt we as the people of the Province are horrified. But it has been going on for 40 years and no matter who is in the leadership of the PC’s it will continue.

This is why front-line staff is cut instead of executive bonuses. It is why we are headed to a debt that will cripple a generation. It is why ministers come out and try to blame workers for taking money they are entitled to, so they can deflect the attention from the real problem.

We now have a chance to change the Government and open up the can of worms that is festering in our system. I am not a fan of any political stripe, I just want to see the opportunity for my kids that I had in the ‘70’s. The only way we can fix healthcare, get quality affordable education and provide a chance for the next generation to succeed on merit is to throw out the ruling class and start over. It won’t be easy as there are legions of people whose wealth and power resides on keeping the status Quo. For years it has seemed like it would never happen, but now with questions from people like you… I am hopeful. We have some of the best and brightest. It is time for them to take the reins of Alberta and maybe, just maybe, be smart enough to leave some for the next generation. Keep asking your questions, it is our biggest weapon to make this possible.

ABLEG a session of Tweets and Twits

Tainted beef

Redford Recipes: Tainted Berger -Take 1 rejected candidate, cover in excess dough, add spin & hold the ethics and optics #ableg

Redford Recipes: Cook potentially tainted beef until pink. Cook books until black. #ableg

Debt

AB PC's in debt as a party and in debt as a Government. I admire people who stay true to their principles. #ableg

It's financial literacy month or as #ableg calls it Historical Fiction. #thelessyouknowthebetter

Election Financing

Since Daryl Katz owns about 1/3 of the AB PC's shouldn't Redford be ineligible to discuss hockey until the lockout is over? #ableg

For $100 million the AB PC's got almost $430k in donations or as they call it a balanced return #ableg #torymath

Not all of the Rexall owners $500k to the AB PC's was in cash. Part was in drugs to combat delusions of grandeur #bigtentparty #ableg

AB PC's say the $430k from Katz cleared all their ethical tests and more important the bank. #ableg #walkslikeabuck

Famous quotations from Katz "Why can't we all just get a loan?" #boughtmeaPC #ableg

The #ableg House Leader says they can't codify all donations Codify means "arrange according to a plan or system" #panicnotaplan

Premier says "Buy Alberta" for as little as $430k you can own a Party. #ableg #boughtmeaPC

#AB voters tell Redford to pay for hockey arena in #YEG. Only fair to reward big donors says survey. #ableg #verylimitedsurvey

Katz responds to new #ableg revenue problems. "The only thing they should be cutting is a cheque to me for an arena."

Expenses

A journey of 1000 miles begins with an #AHS Executive booking 1st class airline tickets & a 5-Star hotel & wine tasting. #ableg

More interesting #AB news a dinosaur found with feathers near a nest or #AHS Executives caught feathering theirs? #ableg

Watching Da Vinci un-coded. It has clues to a corrupt cover-up. #ableg calls it an expense account #nogeniuseshere

Every time #ableg has a fiscal scandal a bell goes off and an accountant get his wings. #spiritoftheseason #ExpensetheHalls

What % of the $billions expensed by #AHS was 4 alcohol, expensive meals & parties & how much was wasted? #ableg

Good old days, when $500 expense claim was for hookers & blow, not the room to use them. #ableg #morebangforthebuck

"Why is #ableg paying full price for Hotel rooms? Aren't they eligible for the No-Profit rate?"

The "Going Forward Game". Take #AHS credit card. Rack up $250k in illegal charges. MOH for #ableg will say OK. Repeat until retired

Why did the #ableg Chicken cross the road? It was ordered to not look back #goingforward #financialroadkill

Obama proposes a "Fix it 1st" Policy. #Ableg counters with an "Expense it Always" policy #overlunch

Old men getting together to burn slips of paper. New Pope being picked or #AHS executives doing expenses? #ableg

To honour Valentine’s Day all #AHS executives will sign their expensed meals with tiny hearts. #ableg

Civic Relations

Happiness Index of #yyc took a big hit as #yyccc was not given permission to levy new taxes. Mayor &Council in deep depression

Nenshi 2 announce big decision at 2:00! #YYC Insiders predict either a Blam! Wich or a Holy Crepe #HisWorshipLunchUpdate

A: A Rookie Mistake Q: What do you call a PC Cabinet Minister that gets caught in an expense scandal? #ableg

Premier to announce new Cancer Centre for #yyc tomorrow. Future announcements of same Centre scheduled for 2015 & 2016 #ableg

#ableg Pay

Deputy premier Lukaszuk describes RRSP increase as a pay cut. Also deficits will now be surpluses. #newmath #ableg

Dep.Pmr.Lukaszuk says $10k RRSP increase is a pay cut. Trump offers $5m 2 C his High School Accounting Transcript #ableg

PC's opt to put Alberta back into debt. Tenders out to finance raises given to themselves. #lowinterest #ableg

Ethics

Can't wait for the #ACAD Art Show. Maybe I can buy some influence from their lawyer #ableg

Amazed to discover you can spell nepotism without PC #ableg

Election influence-$300k.Olympic airline ticket-$12k. A sister as 1st class baggage? #priceless #ableg

Maybe our Premier and Toronto's Mayor should have a bet. Loser gets the others sibling #ableg

We never talked about #ableg work - Premier defends meal with sister paid for by taxpayers. #orethics

Redford's husband lights up a big cigar once he found out his Law firm was getting the smoking lawsuit. #ableg

Since the taxpayers of Alberta are getting screwed over nepotism we should all get a smoke. #conflictofcoitus #ableg

Katz wants his money back over smoking lawsuit. All he is getting is a lousy few hundred million #ableg #conflictofcoitus

The PC's in #ableg want to get beyond the entitlement and insider contracts and get on with the business of corrupt management

News Flash: Premiers pants suddenly catch on fire. Premier denies pants are hers. #EmpressHasNoDress #ableg

Premier says her family being hurt by scandals. Rest of Alberta families say "we are 2 but not paid as well" #conflictofcoitus #ableg

Sale on AB Gov't Surplus. Ethics 1/2 off, 2 for 1 corruption scandals. Decision of Speaker final. #ableg http://bit.ly/YtrG2r

When Redford says "Fantastic Session" did she mean the couples counselling with her ex? #ableg #conflictofcoitus

"I cannot tell a lie someone else used the axe after me" #GeorgeWashingtonRedford #ableg

Headline: #ableg to Teachers "quit remembering History or a deal is off" #whatpromise? #goingforward #wrp

New Redford PR staff from Ont. "We need experience when we go into debt & renege on promises 2 teachers and Dr's." #ableg

Oprah seeks new challenges. Will try to get Redford to come clean on budget when in Calgary #resultsbasedlying #ableg

On first glance it seems Dated..." Ethics commissioner looks into Premier's awarding of Tobacco Lawsuit to Ex #ableg

Cigarette packages in Alberta to have new warning "Smoking this will enrich Premiers ex" #ableg #lightup

Economic Summit

Filling out my picks for the weekend. Should I go over or under 27 extra hotel rooms booked by #ableg for Economic Summit?

Selling future generations down the pipeline. Breakout session - refreshments to be served #ABsummit

If your Brother-In Law makes $400k & spends it on Olympics, expensive meals and travel does he have a revenue problem? #ABsummit

Our #ABsummit. The1% telling the 99% we are 100% screwed #moretaxesplease

Youth at #ABsummit asks for more taxes, higher tuition and earlier closure of bars. "We demand you spend our future now!

#ableg says @nenshi was invited to #ABsummit. "He was to bring the Food Trucks and shark fin soup!"

#AHS executives asks Premier lunchtime question. "Wine or beer?" #ABsummit

"It's foolish not to get into debt while our kids are still young enough to pay it off". Common sense from #ABsummit

Premier says red ink budget not a surprise. "We saw it coming when we were in London for the Olympics" #ABsummit

Favourable talk about tax on carbon. Next up tax on hot air. #UnlimitedResource #ABsummit

Snowstorm hits #yyc. "We never saw it coming" #ableg #BlizzardBubble #ABsummit

Can't wait for group hug at the end of #ABsummit "All we are saying...is give taxes a chance..."

Answer: Overtime... Question: What did #AHS executives get out of the #ABsummit?

Premiers sister delivers closing remarks to #ABsummit on behalf of #AHS..."Beer Run!"

Katz shows up and offers to buy all of #ABsummit for $500k "It will go well with my #ableg purchase"

SAIT announces new trade "Sorcerer’s Apprentice" - A magic degree for SAIT executives to conjure $millions from public hat #ableg

Q: What type of cuts are in store for #AHS executives? A: Sirloin #ableg

Budget

Hey kids! Let's play #ableg math. Your student loan+new taxes+interest on borrowed money= ? #debtforlife

Redford says no new taxes. Well no new OPERATIONAL taxes but probably STRUCTURAL tax increases. #ableg

Read My Lips... NO new operational or systematic dichotomous incontrovertible counteractive taxes. #Redfordcomesclean #ableg

Tough to make cuts to infrastructure and nurses 2 balance #ableg budget because there is only so many #wrp ridings

#ableg says survey shows Albertans want 2 diversify economy. Survey 1st done in 1972 & updated yearly #Duh

I taxed and expensed away a Dream - Redford updates Martin Luther King Speech #ableg

Alberta Dollars & Sense consultations reveal we want higher taxes, more debt & better expense accounts for #ableg.

Premier responds to news deficit will be 8 times higher than projected "I need a smoke!" #ableg

Horner on CTV. "If Albertans want to talk about raising taxes we will listen" #PleaseSirWeWantMore #ableg

Redford says $55k for Infomercial coming out of infrastructure budget. #DiggingFiscalHole #ableg #IneedASmoke

To reduce the cost of tonight's #ableg Infomercial Redford will sell Ginsu knives during last 1/2 #SponsoredbyPlayers

Katz says #oilers will hold 50/50 draw to cover #ableg Info-mercial cost. "Its the least I can do" #oddsare150millionfromus

Emergency rhinoplasty surgeon on stand-by for #ableg Ino-mercial. #Pinocchiojumpsthequeue

Premier to discuss the "lying differential" between election years & non-election years. #IPromisetoPromiseYouMoreLater #ableg

"It's not a lie if you believe it" - George Costanza #GovernmentAboutNothing #ableg

"I drew a graph" Redford updates MLK speech #ableg

The graph showed "differential" was bigger around the last election. Maybe PC's too busy to notice it #ableg

#BitumenBubble? How about talking about the #BullShitBubble? #ableg

Redford cuts address short when #ableg credit card rejected by #CTV

Ask not what your Province can do for you...Ask what you will believe from me" Redford updates JFK speech #ableg

Premier to put Alberta on hunger strike to balance books. Will only give us a Fishy Broth. #BitumenBS #ableg

Premier says #ableg will put money into savings. "We found a windfall in the couch cushions"

"I found a loonie!" Redford makes first savings deposit #HeritageCouchFund #ableg

New Redford Communications team pleased with infomercial "This will appeal to all the Unions and Auto Workers" #ableg

Redford says Dr.s overpaid by 20%. Finally the fiscal villain is identified #ableg

I wonder if @GailVazOxlade could do an intervention for our Premier #PoliticalPrince$$ #newshow #ableg

"95,000 people moved to Alberta and not one brought any money." Redford explains demographics to us #ableg

New #Ab Communications team says citizens should ask "how can we help?” Like when your Brother-in law sells your car for crack.#ableg

"Bitumen Bubble" is so sexist. Why we can't call it Bituwomen Bubble? Sigh...men are blamed for all crude problems.

New Premier #Wynne says Ontario election budget will balance thanks to help from Redford's "special" calculator #ableg

Redford on #cbc "People are coming up to me & saying thank-you for telling us the facts." #ableg #jokeswritethemselves

Redford on #cbc "The past 4 months have seen a historic loss of revenue". Historic... histrionic whatever. #ableg

Seniors in Care Centres applaud new #ableg $250 million building. "About time we all got a fiscal bath"

"i-Pad" - Premier finally tells Albertans how she will balance budget #ableg #WeGetJobbed

Premier has plan to get #ableg back in black. "We will become a have not Province and get equalization from Quebec" #MonDue

"It's all about responsible choices" Premier chooses granite over marble for floors on $250mil #ableg building

The new #ableg website on fiscal decisions is http://www.budgetdecisions.ca because Budgetdelusions.ca is used 4 cabinet

Most respondents to budgetchoice.ab interactive game shocked to discover there is no prize at the end #ableg

Redford says Dr.s cost more than #ableg but soon we will be bending over for both #taxandspread

Alberta Dr.'s to discuss having Premier declared a medical marvel. "She's talking out of her ass!" #ableg #wewanttaxes

Premier now using Twitter to make major announcements. Part of the Alberta One-Way Conversation Advantage. #ableg

Premier to freeze MLA salaries at 50% above Canadian average. "We are all in this together" #ableg #perksnotincluded

Breaking News: #ableg to release all major policy on Twitter. Redford was concerned calling it "too wordy and informative"

News Flash: #ableg wants Universities to make money. Redford shows way by selling last budget as a work of fantasy/fiction

Derek Wilken ‏@AllegedlyOld 8 Feb

Premier Tweets results of tomorrows Economic Summit "Everyone agreed #ableg did nothing wrong & Dr.'s are overpaid"

The #ableg Economic Summit to spread budget blame is in #yyc. The #pcaa Summit to spread entitlements was at #LondonOlympics

#ableg news release attacks #wrp for not giving concrete steps to reduce budget. "We have no idea how to do it". #moreexpenses?

Redford denies opposition access to technical briefing on Q3 update. "We haven't yet figured a way to blame this on Ralph" #ableg

Breaking News: Due to emergency Helium rationing #ableg asked to stop floating trial balloons before budget #NothingUpMySleeve

Redford to cut middle managers "I didn't date one of those losers" #ableg #haveasmoke

The #Oscar2013 award for best shifting of blame in a red ink budget... Give it up for @Premier_Redford & her crack team! #ableg

The #ableg Dictionary: "Diversification" V. To give variety i.e "I gave a variety of my family & friends access to taxpayers money"

Redford tells Creative Centre in #yyc to find private funds. "We got one guy to privately finance our party" #ableg

Fun to see #ableg recognize #pinkshirtday in schools after trying to bully teachers into accepting contract #DoAsISay

Education Minister says "kids are our #1 priority". That's why #ableg spent $millions on travel & luxury hotels #forthekids

"Kids are our #1 priority" #ableg reminds us kids are the only future they can steal to pay for today's mismanagement

"Kids are our #1 priority" #ableg explains how being caught in outright lies give our youth #RealLifeExperience

"Kids are our #1 priority" #ableg says breaking promises, delaying school construction & fudging budgets is #forthekids

"Kids are our #1 priority" #ableg explains why going into debt will teach our kids about compound interest

Experts say money in the pockets of taxpayers is dangerous. "It takes a special breed to know how to spend it" #ableg

Premier promises $billions ahead of "bad news" budget. "We are not going to keep the promises anyway" #ableg

Premier promises $billions ahead of "bad news" budget, My kids used to promise me they would brush their teeth too. #ableg

Redford says #ableg will not follow Ralph's path. "Once we finish blowing the savings he gave us you'll see real governing"

Vatican prepares stove to burn smoke for Papal election. #ableg prepares to blow smoke in tomorrow’s budget. #AndAHailMary

#ableg Dictionary: Parochial - Having a limited view. "If you think we should keep our election promises you are parochial"

Things you won't hear in the #ableg budget: "We need to leave something for future generations" #ExpensingAwayTheFuture

Wonder when Redford dated a public infrastructure contractor. #ableg

Horner says schools and roads are assets & could hypothetically be sold "Children's education space is our greatest resource" #ableg

The @ABPremierComms Tweets "Health a priority". Like being hit in the face & saying no pain no gain #ableg #spin

Redford says #ableg budget will diversify economy "I believe moving companies, food banks and debt counselors will prosper"

#ableg says budget was in memory of Stompin Tom "We'll save a lot of money spending money we don't got"

"Good to see an her follow our principles of Thrift, Openness & Accountability" - UN praises Redford for frugal #ableg budget

"I'm going to borrow money from Visa and put into a savings account" Kids look to #ableg to secure financial future

"I'm going to Disneyland!" Redford is asked what she has in store for the future #ableg #JustBooked100Rooms

@BNN says "Alberta has shortage of skilled labour" #ableg says new spending will drive down prices #Redfordnomics

Alberta taxpayers respond to #ableg budget “Are we being punked?” #WhereAreTheCameras?

Bernie Madoff says #ableg budget Brilliant! "If I had used 3 sets of books I would still be a free man" #PonziPlan

Breaking News: @Dfildebrandt says CTF will lock itself out of the next #ableg budget. Just being close to the Kool-Aid makes us sick

Adulterers use #ableg books for partner "Operationally I was faithful but there was some Infrastructural and Savings cheating"

Child-I got an A on my report card Mom- I only see 3 D's Child- Ms. Redford says if you add them together they are an A! #ableg

Alberta adds 20,000 jobs. "Most are in the accounting sector & will focus on deciphering the #ableg budget" #3BudgetMonte

The #3ColumnMonte is a cross between the street card game 3 Card Monte and the "new" #ableg 3 Column Set of Books

New Food Truck "The Wrong Cut" at City Hall opens. #yyccc hopes to raise $51 million for new parochial funding shortfall #ableg

London Olympics

How many air miles do you get with a $12,000 ticket to London? #ableg #Parisagain?

Spokesman for #ableg defends spending 3x as much as the Feds on #london2012 saying they were entered in events #syncronisedlying

Premier Lougheed toured Europe with 110 people in 1975 on taxpayer’s dime. So #ableg is just continuing a tradition. #london2012

Premier avoids giving a speech from the Throne "We will wait until we go to London again and do it right" #ableg

Children

Redford says children being hurt by the attacks on her. No word from the children being run into debt because of her. #ableg

In an economic update why did you seek cover behind your daughter? Why put her in your mess? #shehasnotliedtous #ableg

Night before Katzmas

Twas the night before Katz-mas and all through the #ableg House, The taint of scandal lingered on Premier and ex-spouse #wrp

The campaign cheque was cashed by the PC’s with care, Knowing Speaker and Co. would say it was fair #ableg #wrp

The #ableg Cabinet was nestled all snug in their beds, The $500 per night Hotel bill was last minute they said #wrp

With Lukaszuk in outrage and the Premier in full snit, Trying to dodge the fan and the shit #ableg #wrp

From the Opposition Benches there rose such a clatter, It nearly knocked over the #ableg caviar platter #wrp

Another scandal so away to the Press #ableg spun like a flash, Just a rookie mistake with thousands of your cash #wrp

When what to reporters questioning eyes should appear, But receipts from Redford's sister for bug spray and beer #ableg #wrp

The #ableg Deputy Premier was lively and quick, And everyone says he is a bottom-feeding prick #wrp

More rapid than eagles and balder to boot, The #ableg Health Minister reneged on giving Doctors their loot #wrp

The #ableg Finance Minister cries with much practiced vigor, He wanted to balance the books but fantasy recession it lingers #wrp

Off to #London2012 the Premier & #ableg horde went, Over $1 million it cost but trust them money well spent #wrp #tobecontinued

Queue Jumping

#AHS officials demand to testify 1st at Queue Jumping Inquiry #VIPsfirst #ableg

Can't wait to hear what our "Truth and memory loss" inquiry tosses out today! #Idonotrecall #ever

Feel bad for the #AHS executives who are not as comfortable lying as their political masters’ #ableg #queueless

Lawyer: Why did VIP's need "security" 2 go to a Hospital? #AHS Executive: No one liked them getting in 1st. #PatientsBcrazy #ableg

Who knew Hospitals had a VIP Lounge in Emergency Wards? The entertainment is a window to watch everyone else. #ableg #Queueless

We asked for the snow so that the screams of innocence from the inquiry would be muffled #queueless

Breaking News: A**holes probed in colonoscopy queue jumping #Idonotrectal #ableg

Whey were colonoscopy queue jumpers not given the bums rush? #rectumdamnearkilledem

Most common phrase heard during colonoscopy queue jumping inquiry "In hindsight..." #ableg #Idonotrectal

We'll never get to the Bottom of any colonoscopy queue jumping if everyone keeps covering their ass #Idonotrecta #ableg

"I refuse to be a stool pigeon" testimony at the colonoscopy queue jumping inquiry #asscovering

Flames offer 50/50 Flu Shot Draws to fans. "We feel this is a shot in the arm people need" #yyc

And the #1 sign you may be a health care queue jumper… you have a PC membership card and membership has its privileges #ableg

Top 5 signs you may be a health care Queue Jumper #2 – Memo on your political donation cheque says “for queue jumping” #ableg

Top 5 signs you may be a health care Queue Jumper #3 – You were seen by a Dr. the same day you called #ahs #ableg

Top 5 signs you may be a health care Queue Jumper #4 – Asked by a judge if you ever queue jumped you say “I don’t recall” #ableg

Top 5 signs you may be a health care Queue Jumper #5 – You have a gold plated #AHS health care card #ableg

The Secret to Handling Hecklers

First... there is no secret... DUH!

Heckling is fun. There is no greater comic feeling than a well-timed, well placed barb that deflates a fool to thunderous recognition. It separates you from the crowd and highlights your unique and devastating wit. All hail you!

The only aspect of heckling that is more fun is handling one with aplomb. Spell it how you will. Deflecting critique is much easier with practice; a marriage, long term relationships or cat is a good starting point. Handling a heckler is more advanced as most of your hecklers will be unknown strangers throwing darts from the shadows. Or they are In-laws.

The art of defense is ownership. If someone heckles you with a barb about your hair, face or choice of black for your wedding gown, own the insult. Yes! is the first response to any attack. This blunts the sting, shows others you are a good sport and lets the heckler get a time in the spotlight. Then you kick them in the balls.

Next exaggerate the insult to yourself and unfavourably compare it to an undefined characteristic in the heckler. Own the insult to get a sympathy from the audience…“Hey I might smell like a raccoons arse and have a small vestigial tail…” you remind the audience of the slight you have suffered when you repeat the slight.

“I agree…” this is important if you want maximum effect. Agree with the horrible statement of you, look sad and wounded if the audience is particularly supportive. Then attach the person and heckle to something ridiculous “I’m here on company business. You don’t see me coming to your place of work and knocking Big Macs out of your hand”. This is something you should never say.

Defend yourself with pride but also use caution. Sometimes taking one for the team is a good strategy, especially on line. If you acknowledge the slight “Yes our editing service is unprofessional” and then “Promese to fix it rite away” might not be what you want to post. It is funny but if the person is looking for a war chances are you are hopelessly outgunned. The heckler has no “skin in the game” other than the reputation of being a heckler. It is your companies, personal or family name being heckled. Sometimes you have to let the person air their grievance much to your annoyance.

Heckling is an art unto itself, a black art but an art none the less. The defense of yourself and others with the light of righteous indignation sounds like the beginning of a Care Bears commercial and is equally effective.

In every aspect of life there are detractors. Some intentional but most will be accidental. You will be heckled, in public on-line, in public on air and in public live and in person. How you respond brings out the humour in you and we see the human in you.

Game of Thrones: The Comedy Workshop

Branding your product with humour and wit is dangerous. Your efforts will be critiqued by everyone who may be having a bad day and lots who are having the time of their life. As I stood on stage being heckled live and on a couple of media channels, the intellectual understanding was lost. I apologise for not seeing it coming.

When I asked you (and you know who you are) to "Put down the My Little Pony pencils, stop dotting your speech with smiley face emoticons and use grown up words" I was being a Stand-Up comic. It is how you try to make the comic experience memorable if not tolerable for both you and me once it is off the rails. I get the frustration. It was a long day and my jokes were lame, boring and corny.

If you were to lay out a set of circumstances, in no way connected to each other, needed to suck the life from and increase the anger in people... ta da. Everything added up to an eruption of informed comic critique. It was best captured in the tweet "I am in a comedy class and I can't believe how mean everyone is" #NotAsBadAsItSeems

At this point I reverted back to becoming more engaged with the audience. The heat from both the intense all day lighting, stifling temperature, no discernable place to set down a water glass and the radiating waves of hate were factors in my airing of some personal views best left unsaid. All day I listened to the need to be more of a community online.To replicate the experience of community and engage #sm audience and customers with a virtual experience of the authentic you.

And it worked. The resulting "class" showed how humour has none and yet shines a light on some who are engaged. I loved the comments. I have performed amateur comedy for 25 years and been heckled a LOT! Mostly by other comics. But I have to admit it was a first, Heckling me... OK but a workshop run by young #sm professionals who volunteer their time to teach a class for professionals? As the old comic line goes... seriously?

I understand the day was run by a University and knew there would be a more academic not comic focus. I appreciate the influx of students to the event, they were a wealth of information and very helpful to the smooth operation of the day. At no time would I ever think to heckle, in person or online their performance. Yet, when 2 young professionals, who have performed on stage and taught comedy to professionals since they were teens, are onstage and being heckled for their efforts. Again... seriously?

The current climate of funding cuts was a factor. If you are mad you vent. I get it. The comic staple to handle a heckle would be to engage the heckler in a shared experience. "You don't see me knocking donuts out of your hand while you are marking papers" came to mind. If I had access to water, might have said it. I apologise in hindsight.

It was an enlightening research project from a comic perspective. The prevailing theory is laughter, which emits positive, healing chemicals and emotional states is mostly tension and release. You create tension in the set-up and release it with an absurdity or nonsense in the punchline. From the opening rap to the closing wrap the tension escalated. As the frustration and anger mounted the laughter increased. It was mean and ill spirited laughter but it was laughter nonetheless.

The conclusions like all else can be shaped to coincide with any possible argument. I like the "great learning experience" approach to post workshop briefings.I know they will survive the critique. I am stunned I have to offer it.

At the end everyone was drained. It was a full day of events with a long walk on a beautiful day. There was a burst of sugar and Food Truck reward. There was not much left for comedy and yet it came out in an outpouring of witty words and thumbed tweets. There was great comedy in them.

This was not our first workshop. When I watch the young adults instructing other professionals at similar events they get a much different response. People are genuinely open and receptive to their presentation and delivery.If there is a comic wit there is also professional courtesy.

Next time you see me on stage at a local comedy club I invite you to say hi. If you remind me where we met it will create an atmosphere of humour more conducive to the learning process. The idea was to let each person experience the power of laughter, The young adults were collateral damage I guess.

I close with another apology. When I said it was great to be here at the site of the future Ralph Klein University... it was obviously not approved by the board of directors.

Twas the Night Before Katzmas - A very PC Poem

Twas the night before Katzmas and all through the House,

The taint of scandal lingered on Premier and ex-spouse

The cheque was cashed by the PC's with care

Knowing Speaker and Co. would always be there

The Cabinet was nestled all snug in their beds

The $500 per night Hotel was last minute they said

With Lukaszuk in outrage and the Premier in full snit

Trying to dodge the fan and the shit

From the Opposition Benches there rose such a clatter

It nearly knocked over the PC caviar platter

Away to the Press the PC's spun like a flash

Just a rookie mistake with thousands of cash

When what to our questioning eyes should appear

Receipts from Redfords sister for bug spray and beer

The Deputy Premier was lively and quick

With everyone agreeing he is a bottomfeeding prick

More rapid than eagles and balder to boot

The Health Minister reneged on giving Doctors their loot

The Ministers duke and deny with much practiced vigor

They wanted to balance the books but the recession it lingers

Off to the Tower in London they went

Over a million dollars it cost but money well spent

To be continued... Merry Katzmas Alberta!

#ableg wrp pcaa

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