[writingbyella]

like this if u wanna stay in contact on my new blogs xo

[writingbyella]

fucking hell.

[writingbyella]

I’ve deleted all my blogs, this one is also going soon.

if anyone is interested in staying connected let me know via other channels or this blog and I’ll let you know. otherwise, goodbye

[writingbyella]

if my dad died

would i still

be the one

to make dinner?

step up or

step down.

[writingbyella]

there

is

nothing

left

[writingbyella]

i don’t think

the bad place

is going to end

unless i end it.

[writingbyella]

you want to

believe the worst

of me

because it’s easier

than doing any

self reflection.

[writingbyella]

every

week

just

gets

worse

[writingbyella]

i could sleep.

but then

i have to wake up.

[writingbyella]

men will

weaponise

everything.

even love.

[writingbyella]

was the gentle sex calculated?

a deliberate act

of undressing the soul

to ensure i could be put back

into the space you needed

to rip off the bandaid knowing

i wouldn’t run?

was any of it real?

[writingbyella]

maybe

i am just not

destined for

motherhood.

(quieter:

maybe

i am not

deserving)

[writingbyella]

one day someone will want you.

wholly. will see you and want

that life and won’t want to wait.

won’t want to drink instead.

will show excitement and joy.

[writingbyella]

men can only love or want

when it is sexualised.

it’s not your fault.

[writingbyella]

google, define “priority”.

know the answer anyway.

line eyes from staring too hard;

cry on the sofa secretly.

i’ve been hot 0 days this month.

fuck this fuck this fuck this

[writingbyella]

the sun will rise and

smoke will scorch the sky.

black boots and rage;

inside me there is an alligator

that has never tasted flesh.

but still knows the smell of blood.

[writingbyella]

patience bleeding out

of the walls;

choose poorly

or choose worse.