Reasons I never showed up that night-
i. there were dark circles under my eyes,
crescent-shaped like the moon's phases
holding 7 kgs of odd-shaped insecurities,
with inverted hooks around the neck and arms
dragging my concrete slab grey soul with yellow cranes
over the 49 ft tall red brick walls,
that I have built to never show you what's
been happening underneath. I cannot face you.
" Is there something you want me to know?''
call ended-beep-cee-dead silence.
chilled wind window and strawberry milkshake
over my table with a partially bitten chocolate cake
everything but just not me
nothing- is a frosting to cover up burnt truths that upset your stomach
iii. needles move in a rhythm over my abdomen, blood-rivers spiralling in doctor's report as it were a bad prophecy yelling how I have lost the ability to conceive, this is the fourteenth time I wish I were a man. I cannot move.
iv. women gather around to celebrate this last night, decorating it with their chatters, I hear a soft murmur of my name, so soft that It reminded me of your hisses over an attempt to kiss over my earlobes.
"Her cries echo in her bathroom"
blind eyes cannot see pain, yet she knows. I cannot break the seal over my mouth. My sink overflows and I keep the tap open so that sobbing voices faint with the sounds of flowing water. Flowing rivers are carrying tears, why do you think there's so much salt in the water?
iv. I told the boy who expressed his love to forget me. His legs shook and he begged me to puncture his head with a hammer.
Is forgetting harder than dying?
I don't want to tell him what happens after everyone smells his love painted over my checks so I tell him that I still love you, not him.
" the person you'll love will be the luckiest"
v. I lost the language of celebration and I cannot leave my hurting poetry to words that dance over the hurt. so, let me hide behind these 49ft walls forever.
2087
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
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