I like to write. Please don't judge.

[writings-and-ramblings]

You know when there's a character and you change their body – give them extra parts or completely change them into something different – and they panic and they don't feel right and they don't know what to do with this. When the physical change also brings a mental change that they can't do anything about. When they don't know how to function properly, and they're trying to be the same as before, but they can't. When there is the horror of am I even the same person when I am so different and what has happened to me and they want help but they want to be alone and they feel so wrong.

You know that? I just. It's so tasty. It is just the tastiest thing. Every variation of it ever. Maybe they fight to retain themselves and their humanity, scratching and clawing and trying so hard. Maybe they eventually succumb to the change, resigned to their fate, or maybe because in the end this is what they want or what they need and they are this now, and to change back would be to lose themselves again. Maybe they eventually get their original self back and that too feels wrong because this isn't them anymore and oh who even are they anymore, they don't even feel right in their own skin, something must be wrong with them.

It is all. Just. So. Tasty. I need it.

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You must

Give up

My light

I can’t

I won’t

I couldn’t bear to

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

I couldn’t live with myself if i did

[writings-and-ramblings]

I can't help but love

That you can't

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

I love you

[writings-and-ramblings]

And so must I

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You must

Give up

My light

I can’t

I won’t

I couldn’t bear to

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

I couldn’t live with myself if i did

[writings-and-ramblings]

I can't help but love

That you can't

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You return, my light

You return to me

As the planet spins

And you are in the sky once more

And I love you

And I love your light,

Your presence

Your promise of eternity

I wonder if there are other things

You might promise to me?

There is little I truly need

Or want

So I can only wonder

But I do crave, still,

The joy of knowing

You have bound yourself to me,

In some small way

I’ll give you anything

Anything to make you smile

To bring you joy

Lovely Poet of mine

I promise the universe to you and you alone

[writings-and-ramblings]

Why would I need

The Universe

When I have

You?

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

My sweet Poet

You are too kind

[writings-and-ramblings]

I am too kind, you say?

Too kind?

When you are the sun itself

The light in the sky

The warmth and energy

That brings us life

And when I am but me

A little speck grovelling for attention

Worse, I demand it

Your kindness is clear

Mines is a lie

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You are everything

My Poet

Demand everything from me

And I will give it

Eagerly

Desperately, even

I adore you

I long to be of service

You claim demanding it is worse

Yet i find it endearing

I love it

[writings-and-ramblings]

I will take your adoration, then

And treasure it

Even if I am undeserving

I cannot say no to it

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You return, my light

You return to me

As the planet spins

And you are in the sky once more

And I love you

And I love your light,

Your presence

Your promise of eternity

I wonder if there are other things

You might promise to me?

There is little I truly need

Or want

So I can only wonder

But I do crave, still,

The joy of knowing

You have bound yourself to me,

In some small way

I’ll give you anything

Anything to make you smile

To bring you joy

Lovely Poet of mine

I promise the universe to you and you alone

[writings-and-ramblings]

Why would I need

The Universe

When I have

You?

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

My sweet Poet

You are too kind

[writings-and-ramblings]

I am too kind, you say?

Too kind?

When you are the sun itself

The light in the sky

The warmth and energy

That brings us life

And when I am but me

A little speck grovelling for attention

Worse, I demand it

Your kindness is clear

Mines is a lie

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i tell the stars about you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i miss you

[writings-and-ramblings]

I miss you

But

You leave me

And I must leave you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

stay

[writings-and-ramblings]

I want to

I long to

I want to

But I cannot

Stay

Forever

You must know this

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

I refuse to accept it

[writings-and-ramblings]

You must

You must

Or I cannot

And I

Too

Must

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

You return, my light

You return to me

As the planet spins

And you are in the sky once more

And I love you

And I love your light,

Your presence

Your promise of eternity

I wonder if there are other things

You might promise to me?

There is little I truly need

Or want

So I can only wonder

But I do crave, still,

The joy of knowing

You have bound yourself to me,

In some small way

I’ll give you anything

Anything to make you smile

To bring you joy

Lovely Poet of mine

I promise the universe to you and you alone

[writings-and-ramblings]

Why would I need

The Universe

When I have

You?

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i tell the stars about you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i miss you

[writings-and-ramblings]

I miss you

But

You leave me

And I must leave you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

stay

[writings-and-ramblings]

I want to

I long to

I want to

But I cannot

Stay

Forever

You must know this

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i tell the stars about you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i miss you

[writings-and-ramblings]

I miss you

But

You leave me

And I must leave you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

all poets

that have ever been

all poets

return to me

you don't know

that i read them all

ritualistically

every so often

when they call to me

all poets

come back home

let me love you

let us be reunited

all poets

i love you so

come back to me

don't leave this unrequited

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

please

[writings-and-ramblings]

Always

[writings-and-ramblings]

Sometimes I think

About those I've known

And how they've left me

And how they've stayed

Sometimes I think

That I will lose them all

And I will be left

And I will be alone

Sometimes I think

That life is meant to be like this

And it's okay

And I will be okay

Sometimes I think

That if I hope

And I hope

And I hope

That maybe

They will

Come back

[erratic-dragon-fruit]

big long poem underneath, cut bc I don't want to make it so long to scroll across if you're uninterested :D

You wouldn’t mention his name,

But now you’re lost in his face

Corona of light, crown of the lost

Radiating forever…

And what if I said

It was a friend of a friend

Created these connections

It’s funny how the loss of one

Radiates forever…

Hemoglobin

Atom of iron at the center

Formed in dying stars

Carries our blood throughout us,

Radiating forever…

Well, yes, it’s been a while

We’ve changed over the years

Not the same as when we last met but

I’m pretty sure that

The sun’s the same so

Maybe we could be too

And I suppose that

We could never leave

We’re here forever

Where nothing’s left but

We’re here together

The stars are shining

And I think they’d like

To meet up too

Imagine how lonely

The stars must be

Spinning endlessly

Through the dark

And then when they die

They grow to beacons

Crimson pinpricks

In the sky

And that red blood

It’s like the thread that

Tied us close

So long ago

And I suppose that

We could never leave

We’re here forever

We have each other

And I think that

There’s a web of connections

Up in the night sky

Tired and straining, but

Still alive

But when a star ends

It’s all so distant

Far away from

All it knows

When a star ends

It’s all so distant

It happens in an instant

So very far away

And when I die

I’d like to think that

I could pass

On my light

And when a star dies

I’d like to think that

It passes on

All its gifts

It leaves a star

A star-shaped hole

In all it sees

In all it would know

We carry those pieces

Always with us

Hemoglobin

Inhale again

A star-shaped hole

In the sky

Dark and empty

Unknown

A star-shaped hole

Full of promises

Full of connection

Full of memory

A star-shaped hole

Always with us

A star-shaped hole

In our souls

A star-shaped hole

That travels the distance

Between our hearts

Bleeding stones

A star-shaped hole

It never leaves us

We’ll always be here

But not alone

No, not alone…

[poems-of-the-anentomologist]

Heaven, Hell, Mercy on Me

By Victoria the Fae, 1932-1̷̡̮͍̈2̵̝̣̥͐9̷̛͍̻͠7̷̲̿

Wake up, in the wound of the Earth

Mud, filling her throat

Blood, choking her lungs

Bone, tearing her flesh like

The shrapnel of a dead angel’s broken halo

She lost her nose last night

All that is there now is her scratched voice

Screaming,

Screaming,

Screaming,

Her face is just as new as ever though,

Her eyes look just as bright covered in a dirty rag as they did

Crying up at the stars each night

The king had told her

As emeralds wrapped from his arms to her hands

Nobility through strength

Strength through war

How he had smiled then

Golden sun was his hair

She smiled back.

Her smile has long been covered under mountains

Of mud

Of dust

Of linen

Heaven, Hell, Mercy on Her.

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

hi, do you post the same picture of the sun every day

i try

but as of late

my light had been dimmed

i think i have it back again

and so i shall

[writings-and-ramblings]

Your light could never dim

Clouded over

Perhaps

But never dimmed

Not to me

At least

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

that is a prettier way of viewing it

softer and gentler

i wish i could see everything through your eyes

[writings-and-ramblings]

You say that you wish for that

But I pray that you never do

My world is painful

Filled with so much hate

That it does not deserve

But for you, I might calm

In the only way I can

Screaming out in rage and hate

Fear and pain and awful words

Until I can once again admire the beauty

Of the world around me

And the sun that shines bright upon it

Still there, despite the pain

Then I am calm

Then I can tell you

Of how beautiful you are

Oh immoving star

Turning ever on despite my rage

[same-pic-of-the-moon-everyday]

I don't know you

And you don't know me

But

Sometimes I think

And wonder

What you are doing

Oh stranger

If you are happy

Because you have brought me happiness

Even if you have

Forgotten or

Never cared

I love you

With some tiny part of my heart

Reserved for simple joy

Never to be repeated in life

Always to be repeated in my head

i can assure you, i love you too

i love every mortal

and i love when all of you grace my inbox

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

hi, do you post the same picture of the sun every day

i try

but as of late

my light had been dimmed

i think i have it back again

and so i shall

[writings-and-ramblings]

Your light could never dim

Clouded over

Perhaps

But never dimmed

Not to me

At least

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

all poets

that have ever been

all poets

return to me

you don't know

that i read them all

ritualistically

every so often

when they call to me

all poets

come back home

let me love you

let us be reunited

all poets

i love you so

come back to me

don't leave this unrequited

[writings-and-ramblings]

I will never leave you

I will never leave you

I will never leave you

I will never leave you

[same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday]

i love you