💗Ana💗

∘₊✧ Ana // 🇳🇱&🇦🇼 // 24 y/o // ♀️ // bisexual // alternative // camgirl // in a DDLG relationship w/ my daddy bf 🔐// poly drug addict (DOC: mostly opioids but also; benzos & alcohol (vodka preferably!) + sometimes stims.. // **I DON'T CONDONE DRUG USE. PRACTICE HR!** // Old blog got terminated at 1,2k.. // *pls don't report, just block!* ✧₊∘

[xanaesthesia]

"You left me falling and landing inside my grave

I know that you want me dead

I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay

I know it's all in my head."

Please follow me on my spicy content accounts if you want to see more of me~! (& my boyfriend) 💗 My Linktree: click here!

[xanaesthesia]

Scored some more oxy today, I'm in heaven again~ ❤️‍🩹

Listening to Alice in Chains, Nirvana & Hole rn, in a grunge mood

[xproblematiquexx]

𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦…

ᴏʜ ɴᴏ, ɴᴏᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ!

[xanaesthesia]

[unlisted-landmine]

fuck he's so sexy I want him inside me (drugs)

[xanaesthesia]

If you're an oxy 80 I'm gonna mainline you so hard

[porcelain-powder]

Need these rn...

[stalgivc]

Moms and their weird relationship with their son…. Girl stand up why are you acting like that

[xanaesthesia]

I will fr never again take benzos, I hate the "high" & once I take one I am immediately useless for the following day as well. I took some Xanax because my oxy ran out & I could only get some the following morning. So I had to make do, but Xanax makes me feel so weird and I literally cannot eat or drink on it cause it makes me want to puke immediately, my mouth also feels so weird on it. I managed to score some Methadone so I won't get sick because all opioids were out of stock once again at all my plugs... but like, this Methadone also slaps if you take enough of it. It knocked me out for like 5 hours, and I'm obviously everything but opioid naive. I hope that I'll be able to get oxy ASAP though. I feel so depressed and like I'm behind in life. My boyfriend passed his driving test & managed to get his driver's license today, and I'm genuinely so happy and proud of him obviously!! But it also makes me feel insecure about myself and my own accomplishments, like I'm way behind and if I don't catch up then he's gonna throw me to the curb for another girl who has everything together... I know he isn't like that, he promised me he would never leave. But it's just my BPD fear of abandonment playing up I guess... I hope they see that I'm trying my very best even though it's not much in their eyes probably. (My bf and my in laws, since my mother in law is very critical and demanding... She genuinely scares me. She has told me that I'm unstable and don't amount to much at the moment, so yeah... I always feel less than trash when I'm around them..)

But I just try to cope with the song Miss World by Hole:

"I am the girl you know

Can't look you in the eye

I am the girl you know

So sick, I cannot try

I am the one you want

Can't look you in the eye

I am the girl you know

I lie and lie and lie"

[kosmogrl]

everything going downhill but at least there’s still phone in bed time am I right.. ahah am I right

[hellish-daddi]

[sp1resong]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

[sp1resong]

preforming my compulsions while rolling my eyes to show i know theyre irrational

[xanaesthesia]

I don't want to feel anything anymore for a bit...

[freud1ansl1ps]

the setup for tonight

[xanaesthesia]

mood asf

[sh00tmybr41ns0ut-deactivated202]

big emotions r hard; substance abuse helps<3

[s4dpngs]

[anniesonxannys]

[c0ca1neang3l]

one more line will make me feel better… right?

[xanaesthesia]

Just got out of the shower, I'm about to take a pretty big bump of Ket and pop some oxy (that I finally managed to get again today!!!) and chill on my bed listening to music etc. Before drifting off to sleep, because today was a really hellish day and I need to just turn my brain off for now to stop the overthinking 🫠

[chlamydia-biohazard]

i miss you so much