xavier.

he/him • 19 general ramblings, ethel cain, hannibal, occasional poetry + photography 18+ MDNI

[xav-writes]

need her grinding on my thigh while we’re making out me fully clothed her with just her shirt on so i can grope her and suck on her nipples

[xav-writes]

big fan of my girlfriend!! hashtag i love my lady

[xav-writes]

I SEE MY GIRLFRIEND TOMORROW GOD I MISS HER SO BAD

[tankhall]

i miss my vibrator

[xav-writes]

perfect night to listen to tempest with a cigarette

[xav-writes]

the fictional personalities I make up in my head for people piss me off a lot what the fuck

[xav-writes]

zooted

[xav-writes]

man it kinda does suck to have been assaulted. like it nwver reallt leaves you. i think about it subconsciously at least once a day and god knows i don’t want to think about it. i wish it had never happened to me. i can still feel both tje places where the assaults actuallt jappened on my body and sometimes they feel like they’re burning and i’ll never get them clean enough. it’s not enough for me to want to kill myself because usually i just brush it off with humour but sometimes it does hit me and it’s like. yeah that actually happened to me and nothing can undo that. kinda sucks

[xav-writes]

i don’t feel like i can really talk to anyone about it too because it doesn’t feel valid. and i know that most if not all assault victims feel like that but it’s genuinelt embarrassing and im terrified im gonna talk to someone about it and theyre going to tell me that acrually that situation wasnt assault and im feeling all of this for nothing. i hate that both times i had a freeze/fawn response and didn’t say anything. i hate it so much. and other people have told me that just because i didnt safeword out of it doesnt mean they couldnt tell i was uncomfortable and kept going anyways but i still feel like. what if. part of me hates them both because i’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. and the rational part of me is angry at thwm both because they definitely knew. the first one happened aftwr i’d shut down a conversation about that kink because i wasn’t sure about it but then they went ahead with it anyways. the second time i froze up and went completelt silent because it hurt so bad but he kept going without checking in on me at all. but idk maybe theres plausible deniability. also low-key it is extremely embarrassing to be saying that my two assaults consisted of me getting bitten and pissed on. so like no im not gonna talk about it lol

[xav-writes]

man it kinda does suck to have been assaulted. like it nwver reallt leaves you. i think about it subconsciously at least once a day and god knows i don’t want to think about it. i wish it had never happened to me. i can still feel both tje places where the assaults actuallt jappened on my body and sometimes they feel like they’re burning and i’ll never get them clean enough. it’s not enough for me to want to kill myself because usually i just brush it off with humour but sometimes it does hit me and it’s like. yeah that actually happened to me and nothing can undo that. kinda sucks

[xav-writes]

me when i have trauma w my own kitchen knife bc of some evil fuckass ugly chopped twink 😭😭

[xav-writes]

she told me she wouldn’t be alive today without me. im so so fucking glad shes still alive. im so fucking proud of her i love her so much

[xav-writes]

I MISS HER COME BACK COME BACKKKK

[hanbonpilled]

[xav-writes]

TUMBLR STOP TELLING ME TO ADD TAGS. I KNOW I CAN ADD TJEM OBVIOUSLY IF IM POSTING SMTH WITHOUT TAGS ITS DELIBERATE

[xav-writes]

i miss her so much and she hasn’t even left yet

[deaddeerbody]

[xav-writes]

one more cant hurt

[xav-writes]

ONE MORE DID INDEED NOT HURT. GREAT SUCCESS