XENØXTA

Stealing shoelaces from the president since whenever that joke was relevant...

[xenoxta]

A pessimist sees an endless expanse of darkness.

An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees a train.

A train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

[xenoxta]

If rugby is played at a college: Uni Union

If there’s a representative body for the college players: Uni Union Union

If two of those members get married: Uni Union Union Union

If everyone from the wedding meets up again in ten years time: Uni Union Union Union Reunion

If the event incorporates church proceedings: Uni Union Union Union Reunion Communion

[xenoxta]

YouTube Rewind 2020 should be a parody of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire”, where mainstream celebrities and American talk show hosts sing slightly out of key via Zoom about everything else that went wrong this year. And to fit with the overall motif of “fire”, one by one, each celebrity is set ablaze until there’s nothing but shrill screams to a dissonant bard-core instrumental of the Coffin Dance.

[xenoxta]

Linguist: Types in IPA

Non-linguist, peering over their shoulder: *gasps* How did you acquire these... Føʀʙɪððɛɴ  ʟɛᵗᵗɛʀs ?!

[xenoxta]

Roses are red,

Vi’lets are blue,

This poem doubles,

As a haiku.

[xenoxta]

“You have to be odd to be number one.”

—Dr. Theophrastus Seuss Geisel

[xenoxta]

“A lot of great things end in disappointment.”

—XTA

[xenoxta]

COOL FACT:

“Posh”, meaning elegant or stylishly luxurious, is actually an acronym. It stands for “Port Outwards, Starboard Home”, describing the rooms higher paying passengers were given on cruise ships.

[xenoxta]

“Wha’gwarn” (UK) and “‘Scarn on” (AUS) are two completely different colloquial abbreviations of the phrase “What is going on?”

[xenoxta]

It’s funny how many people are thinking about the Notre Dame fire whilst showering...

@showerthoughtsofficial

[xenoxta]

Why don’t photons have suitcases?

Because they’re travelling light...

[xenoxta]

“Eggplanting”

A passive single-player game for messing with people.

Try to anonymously “plant” the most creepy/confusing/disturbing note or message (the “egg”) in a public or common area. You win if there is a notably confused/disturbed reaction. You lose if your “egg” is ignored or missed or if your cover is blown.

EXAMPLES INCLUDE:

-Drawing a pentagram on a classroom whiteboard.

-Writing graffiti in invisible ink.

-Underlining or highlighting random words and/or numbers in library books.

-Writing a note saying “You’re next” and putting it in someone’s mailbox.

BONUS POINTS:

If police or authorities are called to investigate.

If someone else gets in trouble.

If it takes more than a year for the message to be found.

If someone plays along and adds to it.

[xenoxta]

A man has almost been fatally poisoned by sitting down at a bar.

Police doctors discovered traces of cyanide in a STOOL sample.

[xenoxta]

"There's a chair in there... And a beer as well... Some people call names... And some people yell... Duck or hide, Or run outside... It's a BAR FIGHT!"

[xenoxta]

New idea for free education:

Alternating student/teacher buddy system.

People are paired with others based on what they know and what they want to learn.

Want to learn calculus and have expertise in cooking? You get paired with a Maths whizz who wants to learn how to make themselves dinner.

Want to learn Hangul and you're a graphic designer? You get paired with a Korean who is an aspiring artist.

Etc. etc.

[xenoxta]

Counter conspiracy:

The Flat-Earth society is actually an elaborate ruse made up by the UN and the world's governments to make everyone feel smarter and unite an often divided society against a common enemy of incoherent stupidity.

Sincerely,

An Australian.

[xenoxta]

History's greatest, most harmful and most influential fights - WWI, WWII, the 100 Years War, etc - were all caused by adults, thus rendering the frequently uttered nag "stop fighting and start acting like an adult" contradictory and oxymoronic.