I am so beyond stressed out right now, I just need to go home and relax. I don't need to hear anymore crap from my family today. I walk into the front door of my house and instantly I see my mom, dad, and my two best friends Rosie and Kaden sitting in the living room. What the hell is going on.
"What the hell is going on in here?" I ask gritting my teeth.
"Take a seat sweetie." My mother comes up to me leading me to a seat on the sofa next to her.
"Seriously what's going on here?!" i ask in a frustrated tone, I am getting so anxious right now, not knowing what is even happening. "We know about your drinking.." My father answersÂ
"...and your eating disorder". Mother adds.
Fuck, how did they know, how did they figure out? I always make sure I'm not leaving anything behind. No evidence.. I don't tell anyone anything, unless if it's Kaden or Rosie.. They're the only ones who know.. Wait. Kaden, Rosie..
My heart is beating hard and fast.
"You told them, didn't you!" I look at Rosie and Kaden. My blood is boiling.
"April, we're worried about you.. You're not the same.." Rosie's voice is cracking.
I look to my mom; "I don't have a problem.. I'm completely fine." I assure them.
"The How do you explain this?" My dad is holding my diary, flipping through the pages.
"Numbness is what I need to not feel. These overwhelming emotions.. The taste of alcohol on my lips sends me into another world, to a world of happiness-" he flips the through the pages again.
"My stomach is turning, I can't stop purging.. It's scaring me because I saw blood.. I can't handle this anymore. Being fat. I just want to cut it all off." He stops reading. "Shall I go on?" His voice is cracking and my mom is in a pool of tears.
How could they do this to me..? My own friends.. Why do my parents even care.. They've never cared before!
"You need help April." Kaden states.
"I don't need help!" I snap. Tears are pooling down my faces, the anxiety and the anger collide at once. I dont even know what to feel. I want to puch something and tear up everything in my path, yet I want to hide and to never come out. My mind is spinning of different scenarios of what they are going to do. Lock me up, take away everything I love, tell my I am insane. Maybe I deserve it, I deserve this pain.. I deserve to feel vulnerable. It is all my fault that I do this. I deserve it.
"We just want our friend back." Kaden comes towards me and  puts his hand on my shoulder.
"We want our baby girl back." My mom adds. I hate seeing her cry. I feel awful knowing that I am the reason why she is cryimg, and knowing that I am causing her pain.. "This is why me and your mother have decided to send you to Manchesters Treatment Center. We want you to get help.. I know you hate us and the world right now, but you need help honey.." My father wipes his blood shot eyes. Before I even realize what I'm doing I am running out of my home and into the street..Â
Within a few seconds everything goes black.
Crazy is one thing, but broken is another. No one saw the darkness in me. No one saw the pain. They never saw that what I had done to myself was to take away the pain. Not until him, I never could remember who I was without the darkness within me. Before him, I never thought I would live until the next day, or that recovery was even possible.. I just hope I made the right choice.
