“I wish I’d never met you” ~ “I hate you”
Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader
Genre: Angst, angst, angsttttt
Request: “pls do 12 and 27 with tae (angst)”
A/N: I finally had time to write something! It was hard though bc I don’t see Tae actually saying these things but thanks for requesting angst a.k.a my first love.
Couples fight, that’s no news. However, there’s a thin line between defending your point of view and plainly being mean.
Neither of you had ever crossed that line, until that night.
You had taken a few days off college to go visit your boyfriend abroad. Things were actually great the first few days, having missed each other so much and not wanting to be apart from each other for even a second. Or so it was until he changed his hair colour for BTS’s next comeback.
Who would’ve thought something as mundane as his hair would lead to your worst fight ever.
The moment you saw him come back to the dorms with his hair no longer black but a peachy kind of blond, you couldn’t hold your excitement in, letting him know how much you loved it. That not being enough for you, you took a picture of him and proceeded to send it to Jimin on Snapchat with a cocky caption – or so was your intention.
Pressing the wrong button was all it took for the picture to be posted in your story, leaving it out there for everyone to see. Even if you took it down as fast as you could, it was not fast enough. People had already screenshotted it, and it was a matter of seconds before it was all over the internet.
To say Taehyung was furious was an understatement.
“Tae, I’m sorry!” you apologized for the sixth time, following him inside his room. It was a good thing no one else was home to witness your heated interaction.
“Sorry isn’t gonna fix this, Y/N!” he turned around, looking at you with such dark eyes you had never seen on him.
“I don’t know what else to say. I took it down the second after but people had already saved it. It’s not my fault!”
“Yes, it is! Why would you post it on the first place?!”
“It was an accident!” you let out exasperated.
“You can’t afford to have these kind of accidents, for fuck’s sake” he took a step closer to you, which only made you take one back. “You have any idea of how this is going to ruin everything? How am I supposed to explain to my management that what was supposed to be kept a secret until the comeback was spoiled by my incompetent girlfriend?”
Rolling your eyes at that in an attempt of trying to hide your hurt, you let the words “it’s just a hair colour” leave your mouth. And as soon as you said them, you knew you had unleashed a storm.
“Just a hair colour? Really, Y/N?” he scoffed the moment you nodded, already in too deep to back down now. “Of course you don’t understand” he shook his head.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you are not an idol” he looked you dead in the eye, making you feel so little over something you thought didn’t even matter to him. “An ordinary girl like you would never understand how important just a hair colour is in this industry” he mocked your words.
You crossed your arms, more like, you hugged yourself, trying somehow to comfort yourself – to protect yourself from his words.
“I’m sorry, okay?” you said once again. “I know I’m at fault and I am truly so sorry, Taehyung. And I’m sorry I’m not an idol and can’t understand these things but you don’t have to be so mean”.
It was as if your words went into one of his ears and left straight from the other one.
“I’m not being mean, I’m stating facts” he said sternly. “I should’ve just listened to the people who told me I should date an idol and not such a common girl like you. At least that way my career would be safe”.
But, as much as it hurt, it also did something inside of you snap. Your expression hardened. Were you just going to stand there letting him make you feel so insignificant?
“Something else you might want to take off your chest?” you asked a few silent seconds after. He seemed to be enjoying to make you feel so worthless, so why not give him a push – why not end this for once and for all.
He shrugged. “Can you do anything right? You always ruin everything” you looked down. “I just… Honestly, sometimes I–” he sighed. For a moment there you thought you saw remorse flash through his face, giving him a nod for him to finish his sentence. The remorse soon left though, proving you wrong. “I wish I’d never met you”.
That was all you needed to hear.
You felt as if he had taken your heart in his hand and started squeezing it. It hurt so damn bad. You wanted to scream at him. You wanted to cry, to throw something at him – anything to let him know how much you were hurting. That was in the span of three seconds.
So, turning around on your feet, you left.
You didn’t get too far, though. As soon as you got to the entrance of the building, you sat on its doorstep – the numbness long gone as the feelings came all at once and you could no longer hold them in. Hugging your legs to your chest and hiding your face between your knees, you started uncontrollably sobbing, not even caring if anyone saw you as they passed by.
Your heart hurt like hell. Tae’s words kept replaying in your mind and with each of them you felt a hole being burnt into your chest. Had he really meant them? You came to the conclusion it didn’t even matter if he meant them or not. He said them. And that was enough for you to believe he did.
After what must had been like an hour, you felt your phone start vibrating in your pocket, not even bothering to pick it up. You didn’t even have to take a look to know it was him – the amount of calls and texts you were getting spoke for themselves.
And it took him another half an hour of you ignoring him for him to finally regain himself and go out to find you. It was already dark and he got worried at the thought of you wandering around the streets by yourself. Although he didn’t need to even start looking for you on the streets when he saw you at the building’s entrance.
The sight of your shaking body alone made his heart break. He had done that. And he felt so damn bad for making you feel like that – for being the reason behind your tears.
He didn’t know what had taken over him. He had just snapped, throwing meaningless yet mean words at you. You had apologized so many times and he knew you meant it. He knew it was an accident and that it was something that could’ve happened to him even. But the pressure he had been building up the last couple of weeks so the comeback could be perfect had finally taken its toll on him. And you leaking his new hair colour did seem like a big deal at that moment. He felt like all his hard work was going to be overshadowed by that insignificant thing. And the scold he was going to get from his management didn’t help the situation at all.
Sighing without really knowing how to approach you, being ashamed of himself and his behaviour, he decided on just going to you, sitting beside you and hugging you.
As soon as you felt those arms you knew so well wrap around your figure, you started crying harder. His heart shrunk at that, knowing it was his fault. One of his hands went to your hair, letting you bury your head in his chest as his other hand rubbed up and down your back.
“I hate you” you said after a while, your voice cracking, already hoarse.
You shook your head, getting out of his embrace to finally look into his eyes. You caught yourself being surprised at his expression of pure regret, almost making you forget about everything and run right back into his arms.
“No, you don’t. You really don’t, Taehyung” you wiped your tears. “It’s not a ‘you hurt me and I want to hate you but I actually love you and everything will be alright’ I hate you” you stated. He bit his lip, feeling his eyes start to water when he got a hold of where you were going with this, “it’s a I ‘don’t think I can let it go and move past this because there are things love alone can’t overcome’ hate you”.
That’s when he let the first tear fall.
“I’m sorry” he said for the first time.
You nodded, you knew he was. “Sorry isn’t gonna fix this” you repeated his own words, lowkey wanting him to hurt, too.
Standing up and looking down at him, you bit the inside of your cheek. The hour and a half you had been there by yourself was enough for you to make a decision.
“I’m staying with a friend the next days I have left here” you informed him. You hadn’t even finished your sentence when he was already violently shaking his head no. “I think it’s best for us to take a break”.
It was now his turn to feel as if you had taken his heart in your hand and started squeezing it.
“No” he kept shaking his head. Standing up and wiping his tears, he got closer to you. “Please don’t” he begged, placing his hands on your arms. “I’m sorry. Jagi, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of what I said, I swear I will make it up to you. I will. I’ll do anything, just please don’t leave me” he was full on crying now, desperate for you to stay.
Looking at him being so vulnerable made you want to hug him and never leave him, but you had to be strong – you had to put yourself first.
Even if it all had started because of your mistake and he was in all his right to be mad, you did not deserve to have such hurtful words thrown at you.
You deserved better than someone who was going to treat you so poorly whenever an incident like that happened.
You deserved better than someone who would so easily say those things to you only to later claim he didn’t mean them.
“I don’t think I can be with you right now, Taehyung” you mumbled. “I hope you understand”.
He looked down, having already given up on wiping his tears because they just kept streaming down. He understood, which didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. “Are you coming back to me at some point?” he asked in what felt like his last hope, not being able to bring himself to look at you. He had fucked up so bad and he was going to have to bear with the consequences.
You shrugged. “I can’t promise I will, so I’m not asking you to wait for me” he felt a twinge in his heart. “Maybe this will be a lesson for you to watch your words with your next lover”.
With that being said, you made your way upstairs, ready to pack your things and get out of his life.
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