Just a little bit more

"Flowers gathered in the morning, Afternoon they blossom on, Still are withered in the evening, You can be me when I’m gone." — Neil Gaiman

[smittenskitten]

Apo Nattawin Wattanagitiphat as Porsche Mile Phakphum Romsaithong as Kinn KINNPORSCHE (2022) - dir. Pond Krisda Witthayakhajorndet

[xsarora]

what a good thing we lose.

what a bad thing we knew.

if we had never touched, would we be smiling now?

[xsarora]

Tarot reading

I came across a few tarot reader on etsy, since it’s inexpensive i decided to try 3 readers, 1 havent get back to me though. I also did a few pick a card reading on youtube. Omg they are quite positive?

First reader:

Qn: Is he the one and what is his feelings towards me?

Second reader:

1st qn: How does he feel about me?

2nd qn: Why did he block me all of a sudden?

Qn: Where is this heading? (we're not in a relationship)

[xsarora]

it’s absurd isn’t it? just when you thought everything is back to normal, a few days later he blocks you for no reason.

a friend said he could be scared of wanting more. another friend said might be cause i rejected his advances. 

i’m trying to distract myself, trying not to think about him. i want him back, want him to unblock.

[xsarora]

1 sept’19

=\

i just checked and i’m blocked again?

why...

am i doing too much that it backfires? i did not even contact him after that day..

[typography-images]

[typography-images]

[xsarora]

i was so happy he said he misses me!!

so we msg like how we did in the past and before i said good night, i gave a little TMI cos i thought he was horny? lol. 

throughout the night whenever i toss and turn i will check my hp for replies but there isnt, until 6am+ when i woke up i found out that he had blocked me on whatsapp again. you know it’s blocked when suddenly there isnt a pic and status.

surprisingly i was not as upset as previous times, but i did thought of smsing him and already thought of what to say until i check again at 8am, and realise he has unblocked me. the pic and status is back..

-_-

i guess i shall not contact him until he does.

[xsarora]

omg....

😍

[xsarora]

22 may 2019. 27 aug 2019.

remember back in May i did a love spell? 4 months... and i saw a feather.

they say when you saw a black white feather means the angel is helping you?

[xsarora]

16 aug’19

i haven’t written in a while..

this morning he msg me all of a sudden, about work, reminding me to return the thumbdrive :) we msg on and off until he stopped replying me -_-

anyway it’s good enough, i’m happy. i asked if there’s any new girl, he asked me back the same question, i said no and he replied “good lah both dont have have”

idk if i should ask why he blocked me the other time.. i feel like a loser though i’m curious.

[xsarora]

10 jul’19

do you believe in tarot? i was quite skeptical about it at first, but i still paid $23 for a monthly reading, and i can only know if it’s true at the end of the month

anyway i decided to ask her about me and N as i want some closure, some confirmation from others. and her readings are damn accurate! i did not even give his name, photo of DOB etc.

what she said about him is so damn true.

- he has issues - not emotionally interested - he did have feelings before but he can’t commit or has his own fears and doubts - he’s weird / abit loner - come and go / hot and cold

i know some of these before getting into that situation with him. but i always thought i’m good enough for him to change.. guess not.

[xsarora]

8 jul’19

i just noticed that he unblocked me on whatsapp.

[xsarora]

17 jun’19

argh fuck. now the chances of seeing him is almost 0%.

- - -

我的心好痛。

though i had come to terms that he probably want nothing more than that, it was totally unexpected to blocked me 2 days after that conversation.

idk what i said wrong.

“think you just really like that someone wanted so much and also the companionship that he provided. he was there 24/7 for you hence it’s easier to fall into that trap of “this guy cares so much for me!”

“it’s just the fear of rejection creeping in that’s got you feeling and acting this way. i used to stalk last seen on updates and wonder why he can’t be bothered to reply. but once you stop stalking you kinda stop caring so much and slowly start to feel better. you take back that power into your hands”

idk what i’m feeling now.

seems to be infatuation but it also seems that i have feeling for him... damn.

[xsarora]

10 jun’19

i’ve actually come to terms that he probably wanted nothing more than that. that’s why i didn’t contact him for the past 2 weeks until last friday when i’m feeling super bored and kinda miss him.

wanna meet ltr? meet for sex ah? you want ah? no lah, shy. but i want lei hahaah ok la don’t force.

i jokingly said i want but i guess he thought it’s real. no more reply. on sunday afternoon i saw that he was online on whatsapp, but when i check again at night, he removed his pic and status.

and i suspect he blocked me. true enough i add him on my maid’s hp to check, he’s online but without pic/status. even now working hours he’s not online when he usually is.

sigh. what did i do wrong?

i seem to be obsessed with him, can’t stop thinking of him. idk if i’m craving for his attention that he gave at the start of this, or have i really fallen for him?

i don’t want to sound creepy but i actually came across a few easy love spells on youtube. and i tried 2 of it hoping it will work..

[xsarora]

9 jun’19

he blocked me on whatsapp. the photo and status is missing.

[xsarora]

31 may’19

despite what i said previously, i still think of you. sometimes i wish i will bump into you..

today is the day :(