[angelsonthesideline-deactivated]

[yanaeden]

Yup, that whole bottom. >.<

[yanaeden]

When I started streaming all the advice out there was all about being a certain way and doing certain things to get those numbers and "growth."

Fuck having fun, it's all about getting those numbers up. So, I followed all the advice for a long time, and then I burnt out.

I didn't realise that the advice doesn't work for people like me (Chronic conditions, neurodivergent, etc). It was a huge struggle to keep up with what I "needed" to do to be a "successful" streamer. There is a LOT of behind-the-scenes stuff that no one prepares you for.

What also ended up happening is that I inadvertently tied my sense of self-worth and value as a streamer to the numbers. Every time I had a "bad" stream numbers wise, even if the stream itself was fun, I felt like a failure. I'm boring. There is something wrong with me.

Then I would see my friends doing so well and while I was happy for them (obviously) I would also compare myself to them and wonder what the difference was between them and me. Why were they so successful and I wasn't? Even though it seemed like I was doing the same things.

Eventually it culminated in me (for those that remember) having a bit of a breakdown and creating a new channel. I thought that if I had a fresh start that I would be able to get out of the mindset and do things different. Spoilers: It didn't change anything. So, I took a few months break.

When I came back, I came back to my old channel (RIP YanaCasually. xD) and tried to come into it mindful of my issues so I can slowly work on them and recognise when they might be becoming a problem.

Everything was going fine at first, but unfortunately, all those nasty thoughts about me being a boring failure because the numbers aren't there (applies to social media as well. >.<) are coming to the surface. It also doesn't help that I've been having a lot more medical issues than usual. So, my energy levels have been much worse than before meaning that I haven't been around. (I'm still here, I promise. ^^') It is going to take a while to undo this "conditioning" and untie my value as a streamer from my numbers. There are going to be times where I will need to end stream early because I can't stop myself from thinking those things or I might have to disappear and take a step back from everything until the spiral has stopped. So, I really appreciate everyone's patience and understanding while I try to change it, because, ultimately, I do love streaming and want to continue doing it. I just need to get rid of these pesky thought processes. >.<

[yanaeden]

I love my cat. I love my cat. I love my cat.

Sigh.

[yanaeden]

Wtf is this thing under my blanket?!

Oh, it's a Sassy.

[rebuzzbuzz]

Hey you

Yes you person under the aro and/or ace umbrella, talking to you ( you too aplatonic person, I didn’t forget you)

I know some of you, maybe even most of you already figured it out and know it, but I don’t think it hurts to hear it from someone else.

You are still a perfectly good, whole human being.

You don’t have to do romantic things to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

You don’t have to have sex to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

You don’t have to surround yourself with mass amounts of friends to be happy.

And yeah depending on where you are on the spectrum, you might find the one person that gives you that spark in wich ever direction. But wether that happens or not doesn’t decide how valid you are.

Love and relationships are subjective and just because you don’t experience a certain type doesn’t mean you are missing it. Love for your family, friends, your pet of choice, yourself or just things that make you happy is still a type of love. And that is enough.

Maybe you feel these things, maybe you don’t, as long as you are happy and not harming anyone, who cares if you don’t

don’t let those who don’t understand tell you how you should feel.

No matter what type of feelings you feel or don’t feel, you are still a whole person. You decide what counts as a part of said person. No one else, just you

[yanaeden]

Anyone enjoy doing savage raiding, but too anxious to find people to raid with? The content that I enjoy the most is all the end game stuff. I want to farm extremes. I want to do savage more than I currently do it. I want to get into ultimates. The thing that holds me back is my fear of PF, my social anxiety, and my fear of people not being understanding of the conditions I have. When you have conditions/disabilities even though you can do all those fights, it can make progging and being consistent so much more difficult. So, you need to find others which are understanding and patient.

No many are, unfortunately.

It would be really nice where people like me can have somewhere to go for us to be able to find statics/groups. Places that are specifically for people who would be fine with raiding with people with issues.

I would LOVE to do more of that content, but end game raiders can be... scary, lol! (In saying all that, possibly looking for a casual static on Materia? Preferably with people who are understanding, patient, and are looking to not take themselves tooo seriously, xD)

[yanaeden]

I have been playing FFXIV for almost 7 years. In that time most of the toxicity I've experienced has been while tanking. So, naturally, I have really bad tank anxiety.

Today, I MTed my first current normal trial! To celebrate I made my first tank glam and took a photo! <3

[yanaeden]

Loving the new variant dungeon.

I'm not that much of a gposer, but I had to stop for this!

[yanaeden]

What would be the perfect way to start a Tumblr that is very... my thing? Oh, I know! I'll start with a vague rant (because my brain doesn't do detailed thoughts, apparently) about FFXIV! Well, the attitude of some of the community, that is.

Let's do this.

I don't understand why people frame their opinion as fact. Just because YOU don't like the content that is coming out doesn't mean it's objectively bad or that there is a content drought. There are a lot of people out there who are playing and enjoying it. The only real difference between previous expansion patches and EW is that the content being released in EW isn't a grind fest. Personally, I'm fine with that. I am one of those who hated Eureka and Bozja.

Grindy doesn't do it for me.

But am I going to shit on the content I don't like and frame my PERSONAL PREFERENCES as objective fact? No, because I understand the universe doesn't revolve around me.

I understand being disappointed, and you are absolutely free to express that. There is nothing wrong with venting. I don't have any issue with people who are just saying that the content isn't for them and that they wish there was something that they personally enjoyed. There are some, however, that seem to have this underlying entitlement with the way they seem to complain.

"Because I don't like this type of content, it means that it's objectively bad and the devs NEED to put in what I like! What I like is objectively superior!"

That type of vibe.

There is no content drought just because you don't like the type of content they are releasing. The devs have always expressed that they design this game with cintent lulls in mind to encourage players to take breaks from the game. They encourage you to play other games and to actually go and touch grass.

It's been like this for the 7 years I've been playing.

In the end, no matter how much you love it, it's just a video game. No video game should become your whole life. If it does, then that is a huge issue. I mean, I adore this game. It has quite literally changed my life. With my circumstances, I should be one of those that makes it their whole existence, but I don't, because it is ultimately just a video game. A hobby.

Having critisms is valid. Shitting on something just because it's not to your personal taste and framing it as an objective fact, isn't. All it is is being entitled and it is something I will probably never understand.

All in all, I personally don't feel like there is a content drought in FFXIV and I'm playing it the exact same amount that I always have in between expansions. Actually, it might be more because I have finally gotten into savage raiding.

It's what you make it.

(Damn, that turned out to be a lot longer than I was expecting. I'm so used to Twitter and thinking about how I can make things more concise to fit the character count. This felt so much nicer to get the thoughts out and flowing better. No restrictions! I kinda like it. XD)