Dumb Little Victim

❣ 𝑨 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓. ❣ || 20 || Sado-Maso, masochist leaning || Minors, Pedos, Zoophiles, Incest-lovers DNI

[yearning2betheirs]

Aghh. I don't know.

[yearning2betheirs]

Its cause i still like you, silly.

But, i dunno.

Should I move on?

[yearning2betheirs]

Then again, I feel weird.

[yearning2betheirs]

You know, I think I'm fine for what we have for right now. Yeah, I'd love for us to progress toward how we used to be, but I'm starting to get more and more used to this casual energy between us.

Still, it was very attractive of them to demand me to cut for them. I wonder if they asked anyone else to do that for them. Probably not. That makes me feel special to them in a way. They even asked me to play a game with them! It was short, but sweet.

I don't think I even got too jealous when they told me they were playing with their friend too. I guess I was just still subconsciously worried that something more would blossom between them, and just the thought of them talking to someone else, period, made me angry. But I don't want to worry about the future like that anymore.

I still want them to be mine. And they will be, eventually. But for right now, things are okay. I wonder if they really do feel fine about the possibility of me finding someone else. Not that I'd want to. Besides, it wouldn't be fair if I fell in love with someone else and still didn't want them romantically involved with anyone.

I'm still mad about what they said to me tho. Not "mad at them" kinda mad, im just a jealous bitch.

[yearning2betheirs]

"She's pretty much the only person I talk to anymore"

I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of giving that one vine, that went like,

"Ugh, I have, like, no friends."

"Bitch- what am I, a roach??"

[yearning2betheirs]

Please actually just abuse me and take advantage of how I get so jealous.

No, like actually once things are truly solid between us, I'm truly hoping they do manipulate me even worse than before as punishment for disobedience.

I don't even want to like it, I'm hoping they make it so I don't like it, I'm just looking back on how they treated me before and I can't like that...need. I don't care if it makes me unhappy I don't care if it makes me hate them, I just need them to abuse me.

[yearning2betheirs]

I....hope she's letting you be yourself around her. Entirely yourself.

[yearning2betheirs]

I need you to be mine. I need to be your servant.

[yearning2betheirs]

You know, in that little section, they never removed that heart. They had it since we were together.

[yearning2betheirs]

I said all that and yet, they still come to me whenever they need to vent.

Sometimes when they do, my first thought is, "Why come to me? Why not her?"

I shouldn't think that. UAgdhe. Whatever mental problem I have, I hate that it makes me selfish.

[yearning2betheirs]

Okay. I feel somewhat stable now. I've punched myself in the chest several times and that's distracting my brain enough to stop freaking out.

Breakdowns are not nice. They probably didn't mean it that way and if they did well it makes sense considering what has happened. But I don't know.

Should I just? Like? Like.... God, I don't know.

[yearning2betheirs]

Even if you want me dead, even if you hate me,

[yearning2betheirs]

I'll still try.

Even if it's technically pointless, even if I'm not important to them anymore. I'll still try.

It won't work. But I'll still try.

It'd be better if I was hung by my neck, but I'll still try.

Everything isn't okay, but I'll still try.

We're not there, yet, but I'll still try.

They think I'm better off dead, but I'll still try.

Even if I would get with someone else it wouldn't matter, I'll still try

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore

I'll still try

[yearning2betheirs]

"I still tlak to you"

But you dont tlak to me like you talk to her

[yearning2betheirs]

No no no i need to be reminded, i need to be reminded that im not needed anymore. Im not. I should just leavw them alone.

Butbibdont want rhat

And i dont think they dont either

But why wouldnt they if shes the onky one they really talk to shes the onky one they really talk to im not needed im not needed anymlre i wont be needed ever again i wont no matter how har di try things will never change or maybe they can change mayne they will mayne its fine everything is fine dont do anuthing rash dont you cant just calm down youre fine but shes the only one they ever tlak to now we dont matter anymore ever since we did something so fucking stupid we didnt matyer this is our punishmebt this is our punishment for defying God this is just our punishmebt its fine were fine but how can everything and anything be fine if the only person we ever care about has treasured someone else now and all we can do is sit and watch and what if nothing changes what if nothing changes why am i like this why camt i just be useful for once why couldnt i just have been a good girlfriend why couldnt i be good why

[yearning2betheirs]

Im not needed

Im not needed anymore

Theres no point

Theres no point in anything

I should die

I can die

It wouldnt matter if i lived or die the result would be the same

[yearning2betheirs]

I dont know if it matters

It matters to me

But if shes all you need to talk with

Whats there for me to do

But it makes sense considering what happened

I think im just panicking