fuck you yelpers

Real reviews. Real stupid people. Reviews from people who should never be allowed to dine out. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-21014639-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[yelpers-blog]

I can't get over the sheer number of people who don't understand that they aren't the center of the universe, and that some times you simply have to wait your turn.

[yelpers-blog]

First, I don't know why people think that we'll pay attention to them if they write free-form poetry.

Second, it seems to me Amy would've been much happier flying to another city where she's eaten before instead of eating at the best option in Mobile. Some people just cannot allow themselves to be happy.

[yelpers-blog]

You went to a steakhouse, a restaurant where you walk in the door and are greeted by a case of raw meat, and you're upset that they serve lots of MEAT?

Also, how cheap do you have to be to complain about a corkage fee? Restaurants are not money-making machines; cooking food for 100 to 500 people a night costs a lot of money. They do not make their money on serving you food, they make their money on you buying alcohol. If you want to open a bottle of wine and not be charged for it, you should cook your own dinner at home.

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Even 5-star reviews can be boneheaded. Because you know this is totally helpful and relevant, if you've ever been to both Half Moon Bay, California and Burlington, Vermont.

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So... you reviewed the Tenderloin district?

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Substantive!

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Yelp is not a poetry site.

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"All Hype and no substance" is a great way to describe this review!

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This is a little extra bonus review. I've never seen a review of a parking garage on Yelp before and knew it had to be seen.

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I have never been able to understand how people can choose to go out to eat at a nice restaurant that focuses on local well-prepared and then get totally upset when the restaurant has run out of a particular dish. That's how it works. They keep fresh food around so you can get the best meal, but if other people eat it first, you don't get any.

[yelpers-blog]

First, you reviewed their soft opening. Those are usually reserved for friends and family of the restaurant, and when they're open to the public there is an unstated give-and-take. They let you see someplace before everyone else and you understand that they may not have worked out all the kinks.

Second, you're upset that they had to pour your water? Where do you think water comes from?

Third, you're complaining that you had to go outside and smoke. And that they didn't ell at you when you asked where to smoke. Maybe they should've yelled at you.

[yelpers-blog]

Working in restaurants makes you realize that sometimes there is nothing you can do to make someone happy. They were unhappy when they came in and they didn't want that to change. Dennis' recount of his night sounds like any experience I've had out at any restaurant on a Saturday night: parking is tough, you wait a little bit, you enjoy your food, you pay slightly more than perhaps you wanted.

The difference between Dennis and me is that Dennis is an unhappy person.

[yelpers-blog]

Nothing supports your credibility more than a cleavage remark!

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This review is one I would usually shy away from putting up simply because it's yet another Yelper complaining about how he didn't get what he wanted. Boo. Hoo.

The reason it made the cut was Chris G's Yelp avatar. It's Heath Ledger as the Joker! How does someone decide that this photo is going to represent them on the internet?

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Oh. My. Gawd. They made me wait!! Nobody makes Shannon wait without making it right, whatever that means. Hello? Total idiot! Lame puts it mildly.

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Why would you want to go to a place that doesn't play music you've heard of and doesn't serve the drinks you want in the first place? Why does every place have to be a club for Howard H?

Reading this review makes me think that the Violet Hour is doing something right. They know their clientele, they play on their strengths, and they don't tolerate douchebags.

[yelpers-blog]

You were out at a bar at 10pm on a Friday, perhaps one of the busiest times for bars all week. And you're upset that they were busy? And not only were they busy, but they owned up to the fact that they were busy and politely asked you to come back later so you wouldn't write some dumb-fuck Yelp review about how it took you too long to get your drinks.

So you write some dumb-fuck Yelp review anyway.