I’m bored and you know what fuck you so here’s historical musicals as people at the neighborhood bbq:
Hamilton: the host of the bbq. Nice enough guy, but won’t shut the fuck up. Everyone likes him, but he insists you make other friends.
Evita: Constantly gossiping about people she hates. For some reason all the stories are from a biased, British point of view.
Come From Away: Life. Of. The. Party. He is dancing. He is singing. He is stealing your grill and jumping in the river. He loves you and you love him.
Chess: We aren't entirely sure he’s the guy we invited. He keeps showing up to these things but he’s completely different every time. We’ve just accepted it at this point.
Assassins: Quiet neighbor standing off to the side with a mini can of coke and a gun. Lectures you about gun safety if you get too close.
Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson: Young guy who won’t stop cracking jokes. Yeah, he’s funny, but it’s getting a bit self aware and depressing. Wont stop talking about how his life sucks in particular.
Suffs: Loud young woman who is bringing politics into every conversation she can. She may be a lesbian and she’s definitely a feminist and she won’t leave you alone.
1776: Hamilton’s father. Old guy. A hoot. Everybody claims to be his friend but very few a actually enjoy his company. He is aware of this and it saddens him greatly.
Newsies: scrappy teen following Suffs about and ranting about his own political issues. The two of them hype each other up and everyone just kind of lets them do their thing.
Cabaret: Older woman who’s a lot of fun to be around and then she gets a bit drunk and starts traumadumping and saying things that make you extremely uncomfortable, but you have to stick around to make sure she’s okay.
Floyd Collins: He’s not here he’s stuck in a cave somewhere.
Operation Mincemeat: Funny guy who you soon realize has a lot of layers and complexity, but you never really get to delve into that before he goes back to the snack table.
Ragtime: Older guy wasting absolutely no time in telling everyone stories that really bring the mood down. But make no mistake. We love this guy. We protect him at all costs.
Spies Are Forever: Currently going rogue and announcing the discovery of a kidnapping plot over the karaoke machine
Six: She was too cool to be here. Off filming a TikTok at someone else’s party or something
Bonnie & Clyde: sketchy couple who will not separate. Theyre either codependent, coconspirators, or both
Dead Outlaw: the preserved corpse we brought for entertainment
