[yngbokies]

side for @mikashisus 🩶 lots of thirsting, lots of gf posting, frequent haterism, occasional crashouts, rbs r okay

[yngbokies]

ive also been considering rejoining the yume community but at the same time … i know nothing has changed. and as much as i wanna share stuff, it’s just gonna be the same shit over again.

and i dont wanna be let down for the hundredth time.

[yngbokies]

as if this week couldn’t get any fucking worse.

[yngbokies]

it really hurts when you’re relapsing and someone you think was a very close friend to you says absolutely nothing despite knowing very well that you may harm yourself or worse.

if one of my friends was going through what i was a few weeks ago, i would’ve been keeping SUCH a close eye on them. because i care about them and i want them to be safe.

[yngbokies]

i am so incredibly transparent about things. if i don’t like someone, i make it PAINFULLY OBVIOUS i do not give a shit. no fake smiles or sweetness, i will flat out make it clear without explicitly saying anything. u would know

i don’t waste time on people idc for and i definitely dont waste my breath on empty words. the same carries over to here, too. i will always be transparent about how i feel, because lord knows we need more honesty on this fucking site

[yngbokies]

sharing lore has always been something that excited me more than anything else. bc of how much thought, effort, and time i put into it all. and in the end, that was always wasted.

and i know i sound like a whiny bitch about this, but how would YOU feel if u put countless hours into lore and developing ur selfships and inserts, only for people to ignore u, leave u out of things, and forget about u. it wouldn’t feel great, would it?

[yngbokies]

i have had to literally beg for attention in this fuckass community, time and time again, because i was never given the privilege of people flocking to learn about my ships.

and yeah ik no one’s obligated to interact, but i see everyone interacting with others a handful of times and rbing their stuff countless times, and it makes me wonder what the fuck i did to be so unimportant. to warrant this much ignorance from everyone.

genuinely what did i do to make u overlook me entirely and pretend im not here.

[yngbokies]

sharing lore has always been something that excited me more than anything else. bc of how much thought, effort, and time i put into it all. and in the end, that was always wasted.

and i know i sound like a whiny bitch about this, but how would YOU feel if u put countless hours into lore and developing ur selfships and inserts, only for people to ignore u, leave u out of things, and forget about u. it wouldn’t feel great, would it?

[yngbokies]

i really am genuine about how much i love my friends here AND their selfships. and in return i continuously get pushed aside, ignored, left out, and forgotten.

literally why do i still care anymore. like actually… why do i care when i will never get genuineness in return.

[yngbokies]

i think it’s funny bc even if i did end up deactivating, i know no one would miss me. bc ive gone on breaks without warning before and NO ONE said anything. not even a “oh where’s artie?” or a check in and it’s very telling.

atp i just give up.

[yngbokies]

im never gonna be anyone’s first choice huh.

[yngbokies]

i will never understand people who use ai to write bc like it’s just NOT tempting to me, no matter how much i get writer’s block.

i may frequently get writer’s block and i’ll go months without posting bc of it, but i will never stoop so low as to use ai. everything i write has taken abnormally long amounts of time to write unless i FORCE myself to sit down and work on it bc i actually go through an entire writing process.

i sit down, open up a new draft, make bullet points of the ideas i have in mind for that fic, some title ideas, and then if im feeling like it, immediately get to work and start writing. then i’ll take a break and end up not opening the draft for weeks, months, YEARS bc i either lost motivation or dont wanna write.

but when i finally come back and finish it (over the span of however long - usually months), i feel so satisfied and relieved and i feel so proud of myself for putting all my hard work into something i love.

i love creating and seeing my work that i completed myself come to life. and it pisses me off so much that others will cheat their way through by using ai.

[yngbokies]

called mylayla “baby” for the first time on call last night and got butterflies

[yngbokies]

elle woods my manic pixie dream girl i love u so much

[yngbokies]

oughhhhhh stretch marks

[yngbokies]

i never acknowledged it until now but it’s pretty fucking sick that moon mission shared a name with me

[mikashisus]

okay bc i absolutely do not want to manage selfship stuff on here OR my side blog, im moving it all to @larkism

i dont rlly consider myself part of the community anymore but that blog will be for occasional thoughts and the like. mikashisus will be where i post comms, however

[yngbokies]

i think my next therapy appointment is where i should finally delve into my worst flaws. cause up until this point, we’ve only rlly gone over my trauma and how shit my family can be

and like, i’ve talked about my flaws already dont get me wrong but we havent rlly scratched the surface yet yk