things my boyfriend has done
- urgently marched into A&E and said âweâre having knee pain!!â to the confused receptionist. i had to explain that it was only my knee and that he was just worried
- when asked to tag me in a meme of âwhat water are you?â, said âyou are the ocean: home to all friendsâ
- loved âfilthy gorgeousâ and, rather than learning the words, learned âall three parts in the song where they ring a triangleâ
- after we had an argument about him not âgettingâ my ADHD, i caught him halfway through a three hour playlist of lectures on ADHD, with a pen in hand, taking notes
- he suffered a TBI last summer and he did not like the orienting questions they ask (âwhat year is it? what day is it?â etc). when asked âdo you know where you are?â, he cracked one eye open and angrily said âin bed!â
- he played knack 2 and hated it. when i asked why he was still playing it, he said âso i never have to play it againâ. he got every achievement and as soon as he got the last one he stood up, ejected the disc and returned it to the store
- lately heâs given up on making lunch so he just drinks huel which is a meal replacement shake, except huel is kind of boring so he sometimes puts nesquick strawberry powder in there
- my favourite drink is pepsi max. when asked about his dreams for the future, they often involve âbeing rich enough to find a way to pump pepsi max directly into our houseâ
- one time in our first year of dating i hadnât seen him in weeks, whereas we normally saw each other all day every day, so i was gonna go stay with him for a couple days. he had a temporary job (iâm talking 2 weeks total) at the time and i was bummed that i was gonna be alone at his for a bit, but w/e. he was texting me like âwork is going okay, in the line for the canteen right nowâ while i got on the bus. i found the key where he said it was, i found a note on the table like âhi love! the wifi code is [password], Iâll be back at 5!â, and then I went into the lounge and he was there. he was lying on a fold-out bed with Marvin Gaye playing. the TV was on a powerpoint slide that said âWelcome, Jess. I quit my job.â he was entirely naked except for a cushion with the letter âDâ over his crotch. im 95% sure there were candles
- we play the game Rimworld, where you micromanage a colony of people on an alien planet. he uses it entirely to simulate a peaceful colony, mostly of women, who have a large number of animals they care for and train. one time he got this random event where all the women in the colony got a psychic mood boost and he was like âhonestly thatâs my life goalâ
- when he was in hospital and his cognitive functions were slowly coming back, he looked up from twitter with horror and said âjess⊠is the american president a racist?â
- we were playing Articulate, which is a game where you have to describe a word without saying the word itself. His partner said âwhen youâre beginning sex, you areâŠâ. he, without a second of hesitation, yelled âFOREPLAYâ. the answer was actually âinitiatingâ, but my ego grew like fourteen times
- one time he asked me what guacamole was, and i told him, and he said âif itâs made up of things that already have names why does it have a different name?â i have not let him live this down yet
- i used to have an eating disorder, and whilst iâm good 99.9% of the time now i occasionally do have wobbles. one time iâd eaten some mini-donuts and i told him âi kind of want to check the calories on thoseâŠâ, so he immediately pulled the label off and ate it
- i lost him for like twenty minutes at a uni event, and when i found him he presented me with a pepsi max badge and said âi rode this mechanical bull to try and win you a yearâs supply but i fell off pretty quickly. sorry.â
- we won the âbest coupleâ award in our year at uni, but neither of us were there to collect it because i was ill and he left halfway through to come home and take care of me
- one time he wasnât paying attention while making lunch and he cracked an egg directly into the bin. the look of confusion on his face was priceless.
- on the rare occasions when i wake up before him, when i kiss him/ touch him he makes these little like⊠activation sounds? you know like when you touch a cat? itâs like those
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