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“Then I look up at the sky and sigh at the mesmerizing, calm blue before my eyes. Has it always been this breathtakingly beautiful? Is the sky at your place wearing the same blue? Are you finally happy? I can only wonder.”

— Lukas W. // Mesmerizing blue

Springs almost here, winter blues will be over soon and you’ll feel the sun again.

Hope you’re doing well and that you’re happy and healthy.

Warmer weather is coming

I hope you’re doing well, warmer weather is coming soon.

Sun rays will fill your days sooner than you think.

I hope you’re in good health and you’re happy.

I also hope you have someone you talk to on a regular basis that you can be 100% honest with.

How’s your book? Almost to the next one?

Lol probably.

Keep looking up Blue.

Yes, I know that I’ll never work out exactly how you’re thinking but let me know when I’m needed home

And you’ll choose them over me because we all know those girls are truely what you want and I’ll never be like them.

Someday I’ll be good enough for you.

I’ll always love you.

I got sent a screenshot and... yeah honestly, who the fuck am I to be asking for another chance?

I understand.

Just uh fucking kills.

Um.

Ill just stop writing to you then.

I’ll just have to write in other hidden places.

Be happy. Love who you are. Live you’re best life. That’s all I want for you.

Happy new year.

Today I’m feelin alright... I’ve been really listening to music and trying to hear what songs are telling me and it’s making me feel good. It’s making my hopes go up a little more and have more faith in myself for becoming better. Becoming a better person for myself and us, makes me feel happy inside like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.

I hope you have some songs like that right now. I’m sure you do, I can’t wait to hear all the music you’ve been listening to. I love how we listen to similar but very different music. You always put me on people I would never listen to.

Hope you’re having a good day Blue.

Feeling awful for all the times I could’ve shown more love. I’m so sorry.

You deserve the world and whatever you want in it.

I realize all my problems and I’m fixing them everyday. I have hope. In us, you, and myself.

I’m not always right. In fact, I’m not right most of the time. I can’t let things bottle up, it just can’t happen anymore. I have to talk it out. I have to listen to you talk more. I needed to listen better. I was a piece of shit for not being able to pay more bills, I see how annoying and frustrating that Is. But now I have a place on my own and I can afford it and groceries and gas. You’ll never have to worry about paying a full bill again. (I like having my own place though, I hope you and Bax visit sometime) I should’ve just cuddled more. My anxiety made me feel clastropobic all the time... I know that’s a SHIT excuse but it’s the truth. But I should’ve put it aside and just hold you for a little while longer. I’m sorry we had to share cars that really sucked. But now I have my own and you wouldn’t have to worry about me taking your car. You were always afraid to talk to me because of my reactions I think. I’m honestly not sure. But I’m becomig more approachable with problems and feelings, I literally feel myself open up without having to open gates if that makes sense. I should’ve never left a mess at your place, that’s some psycho shit and I’m sorry for it. All I can do is apologize since I already did it. It was childish and wrong and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I always HAD to have bud. I’m no longer that way, I don’t HAVE to have it but it’s a nice treat for sure. Paying bills is more important though.

I’m sure there’s things I’m missing but i already wrote a novel that you probably won’t see or even really care about. Idk.

Just be happy, and find who you are. I’m doing the same but my heart is always open for only you.

Love you Blue.

Goodnight, I still love you. Sweet dreams.

I hope your work day went by fast and you’re warm at home.

Here’s to focusing on only myself and what I make.

Better myself and just try to be a better person.

Make good money to support all of us.

I’ll never give up.

Don’t let mental illness get in the way or you’ll loose something like this. 👍🏻

I have to better myself for us. That’s why I won’t reach out to you.

We’re both growing and I don’t want to stump us.

Who knows maybe me having my shit together will make me a little more attractive and a better candidate as your girlfriend again.

Probably not lmao but you know, I’m still keeping hope. Even if it’s false hope. It’s the only hope I have at the moment and it has to be enough to keep me going.

My motivation is a vision of us together ridiculously happy and healthy.

I can’t wait to see the places you’ll go.

I just hope to GOD that I can come with and bring what I have to offer.

I keep replaying all of the times when I was blinded by my thoughts and I am so sorry.

It doesn’t make a difference now, I know. But I need to say sorry because I feel like I haven’t said it enough.

In the future, when I have my thoughts collected, I’ll be able to grow as a person and still take you up with me. Our possibilities are endless darling, where should we go?

I hope you’re really into one of your books that you’re reading. I assume you still read a lot. I know how excited you were to read that series.

Do you still walk Bax around and read in the cold?

If you do, you’re crazy!! 😂

I always loved seeing you walk Bax while you were reading.

There were many times, this summer, when I would watch out the patio door just to see you walk down the street reading and holding Bax.

I miss coming home to you.

I miss my best friend.

purplebuddhaproject

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Helen Keller (via purplebuddhaproject)

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