Youknowyoulovedancing.

DANCING. MUSIC. ARSENAL FC. TWENTY. SINGAPORE.

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Hi, you.

Hey Tumblr. It's 10th of August, 2024 and suddenly I miss you. We haven't connected for a very long time. It is funny how I still present myself as a twenty-year-old young adult who's still in love with football and europe but as a matter of fact, I have moved on.

It has been a decade. Holy shit I am turning 30 in a couple of months! My teenage dream had long gone. You, tumblr, was a huge part of my teenage dream. I spent hours and hours dreaming of the life I wanted to have, places I wanted to go, people I wish I met, a body and looks I can never have. I never had a life like what you had portrayed to me, but I was inspired, and that was enough. Tumblr, I just want to let you know, it has been such a long time, I really travelled a lot in the last decade. I met someone of a different nationality and we're married now. I, am married.

Today I thought of you again, it is of course late in the night when I'm deep in thoughts and I really need to let it out. You see, I just got back from visiting my in-laws and the hardest part has always been the goodbyes - I cant do it. I might be emotionally attached and it has been too many times I find myself searching for flights to return, on the very same day I came back to Singapore. Why am I like this? At the beginning I gave myself a reason thinking it is to help him with his home-sick situation. But now I'm not too sure whether am I the one with issues? I mean, I would bawl my eyes out sometimes at the airport when saying goodbye. I often joke to him saying I would like to retire so I can be there as much as i want.

I am actually half-not joking. But who the fuck retires at 30?

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Hey tumblr. I kinda missed you.

Tumblr, I’ve been gone for three years now. I missed you. I was in a very dark place three years ago. Today I come crawling back to you at 2am, just like old times. But, I’m in a much better state than I was. I feel like you never left, when I last decided that I didn’t need tumblr because I felt it was toxic for me. And tonight I thought of you. I miss pouring my thoughts somewhere where nobody sees, nobody judges what I think.

The internet has became more ridiculous. It is messy. It is so polluted. There is so much noise. So many agendas. Some times I read opinions and get really angry. Like, really angry. I need an outlet but posting my opinions makes things worse so I can’t. Those issues being pointed out and highlighted on social media - honestly, I really don’t care what people think and I refused to be influenced. Some issues aren’t even worth highlighting and I just don’t care. I’d rather channel my energy to real problems happening to me. I don’t see how I can help the world if I can’t help myself.

So here, I’m at my healing place.

I still love this.

[vacilandoelmundo]

[heaveninawildflower]

[thegoodvybe]

[handcraftedinvirginia]

[tackled]

[ozei]

[allthingseurope]

Villa Monastero, Varenna, Italy (by Robert Smrekar)

[amortizing]

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Lui è italiano, di Padua, si chiama Niccolò. È carino e divertente, ha una gatta bella. He works as a delivery man, and also at the same time learning to drive uber and also teaching music. He is a guy with a bit of everything, maybe not good at a particular something, that makes me see something parallel of myself with this Italian guy. I can see he's passionate about music, and so I hope he makes it in the music industry. I think he's beautiful. He makes really nice coffee. He is such a curious person. He said he wants to learn Chinese, and that he loves English. He said he want to live his life, so he said he wants to visit Singapore. But just how much can I trust his words, after all.......... Italians.

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Depression always comes knocking at 1am, doesn't it

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Just how can I get myself out of anxiety and feeling depressed.

[youknowyoulovedancing]

I'm sorry I haven't been a good person all these time. I'm sorry I keep getting myself into mess.... Please tell me what can I do to pull myself out of this. Please tell me what to do so I can stop crying at 1am, when I feel lonely and all I can think about is my problems and no one will be able help.

[youknowyoulovedancing]

Please please, God help me. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[youknowyoulovedancing]

I wish you would talk to me.

[dogwithhat]