"As I finally walked to the back room where I was greeted with a smile from everyone because the happiness from carrying a baby was contagious. The ultrasound began and I saw the images right in front of me. My heart was beating out of my chest. This was exciting!
This was a day my husband and I had been waiting for.
But these images were different than the ones I've seen on Facebook that all my girlfriends had posted, something was wrong.
I saw nothing because my body was just hours away from miscarrying.
My ultrasound tech was quiet and I just knew. She left the room and my husband quickly assured me that "everything is fine." We weren’t sure how far along we were, her approximation was that I was 6 weeks and two days.
But I just knew something wasn’t right.
I was sent home and was told to schedule a repeat Ultrasound and an HCG levels test.
Two weeks passed, by this time I was supposed to be about 7 weeks, the baby should appear in the Ultrasound at this time. Ultrasound came, we still saw nothing. Once again we had to wait for the HCG levels. After the testing I received the heart breaking call from my doctor saying that it was definitely a miscarriage.
He told me to schedule an appointment, which I had, for the following day.
I was in shock, then I just couldn’t control my tears. I felt an incredible amount of sadness, that is hard to describe.. I felt that my world just suddenly tore apart. This baby we were so excited for, this baby I thought I was feeling in my belly was gone.. and so was my dreams.
On the appointment the doctor told me about all my options. I chose to do the D & C. I chose that thinking it would be something less traumatic.
The day came, I did the surgery and at first I was just again, numb.
The doctor told me everything that I was going to go through except for how I was going to be reminded for weeks to come because my body was going to take that long to “clean out." He didn't tell me how hard it was going to be to tell my mom what had happened. He didn't tell me how hard it was going be to tell people I was fine when I wasn’t.
And she didn't tell me that it was going to be so hard losing someone I had never met.
Miscarriages are SO real and so common, in fact, one out of four women experience a miscarriage; but don’t let that confuse you into thinking it hurts any less. As large as this statistic is, I still felt alone and I have finally figured out why: because no one talks about it.
It wasn’t until I started talking about it to my friends and family that I slowly realized I wasn’t alone. That my mom, my aunt,my grandma all have experienced this heartbreak and pain, a heartbreak and pain I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
I am not looking for pity and I am not looking for answers. I am sharing this so that maybe one less woman will feel alone and use this as a reminder or message that there is hope after this heartbreak.
I hope that you won’t feel alone.
I hope that you let yourself cry.
I hope that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope that though your faith will be tested, you will be strong.
I hope you find peace.
I hope you won’t be afraid to try again.
I hope that you don’t blame yourself.
I hope that your friends hug you a little tighter.
I hope that you give someone else hope through your hardship
I hope that you are a light in the darkest of time.
…and I hope that you celebrate that baby’s life as much as you celebrate the next because no matter how short a life, all life deserves to be celebrated and all loss should be mourned.
Feel free to share if this spoke to you or you feel as if it might speak to someone you know."
{Matthew 7:7}
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Edited by me jennifer (Based on my own experience)♥
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