[historicaltimes]

New People’s Army guerrilla camp in the mountains of Philippines, 1986.

via reddit

[yuexing88]

how it feels to pretend to give a fuck about any of what you tumblr communists are saying when my friend was murdered by the afp in the mountains and his ghost appears everyday and i would trade many of your lives for his in return

[yuexing88]

MY FRIEND AND COMRADE WAS MURDERED IN THE TOBOSO 19 MASSACRE

HAYOP MONG AFP AYAW GYD MOG TUO ANING MGA ANIMAL

[yuexing88]

Tonight I will leave on a bus. I will feel closer to home than I ever did while I was there. Tomorrow she might die. She will feel more present than she ever did while she was alive.

[yuexing88]

Goodnight again, planet Dagit

[yuexing88]

Tonight I will leave on a bus. I will feel closer to home than I ever did while I was there. Tomorrow she might die. She will feel more present than she ever did while she was alive.

[yuexing88]

I read a story yesterday that ate my heart and until now has not spat it out. It was about these planets and their inhabitants who unknowingly exist, very co-dependently among each other. There is one planet that broke my heart. I cannot stop thinking about it.

[yuexing88]

I live in what used to feel like a geriatric town. the constant exposure to "Natural" death was always a weight on my mind, even as a child. i am Sure now that i am fated to relive the same loss over and over again. i am Sure now that my mission is to interpret this loss in all its infrastructure: political, scientific, philosophical, medical...i am Sure now that, i do not have the body or soul with the capacity to do so. It is my defect. Curse.

[yuexing88]

i wish you still posted

it's okay. the closer i am to losing everything the closer i am in the shoes of the buddha.

[yuexing88]

i'm breaking my short silence to profess of something while i drift to sleep, a process that's become easier ever since medication. it's also a bit fitting for the upcoming EDSA 40th. i've coped with a lot of my emotional turbulence by overworking myself, and while becoming slowly re-involved in activist groups, i've noticed that national collectives who attempt to localize in out-of-Manila chapters are led by too many students only connected to socialist ideals by vague senses of nationalism; thus they continuously fail to get a good sense of a locale's attitude towards its own problems. Issues while organizing turn into petty spats of gossip and drama. If I meet an individual with a rightfully defensive attitude yet deeply understanding of their hometown's political issues, they're mostly from Mindanao.

It's made me quite emotional about where I live. If given the chance to return to my father's country I would still make the decision to stay by my mother's side, defend what's left of what's raised her & me to the best of my abilities. I see a lot of love in the waste, I hear a lot of the dead in my sleep. The ocean, the beast. And I dream so much in color, and I think of the people here full and happy that it brings me to tears. It's idealistic but I promise it's raw to the point of being shameful. In my dreams they never take you away from me.

[yuexing88]

departure, my last post in a very long time if not forever.

i am following the close SEAn friends ive made here; sa tinuod, insakto rajd mo, kini ang korek na desisyon.

una; ive only used this website as a means of contact to artists i've grown close to. the internet has grown hostile over the years i remembered that we were more in control of it. english is a burden i want to relieve myself of. and i'm not in particular need of the social approval i could ever receive on this kind of platform.

ikaduha; i was a productive and brilliant student pre-covid. ga kupot ko sa kambyo sa ka daghan na skolarship ug mga research grants. but many of my colleagues were detained at the height of our activism, at the peak of the quarantine during duterte's reign. this includes the imprisonment of my dearest mentor and friend. i lost my credentials and had to find other work. and i admit i had lost the courage to proceed with the activism i devoted most of my adolescent life to. i've put these feelings in a story instead. i love you, myles.

ikatulo; as a result, i am exhausted of being in this deadwater state of suicidal ideation, flooded by my heart, my emotions, my past. i've been beaten enough to understand that the line i should draw between my heart and my voice is much too thick of a line. i would like to forfeit my voice here so i can make room for it again in the present.

ikaupat; i miss the feeling of love as i remember in the eyes of my lola and lolo. i wish my estranged family some peace. i want to marry one person one day, in my image.

ikalima; i'll continue to upload art, and to write sometimes in substack. if i received your contact thru whatsapp, my SIM is currently defunct since i've lost my phone. i'll probably be able to use it again by january. i don't like using discord, either--we can keep in contact through the former.

[yuexing88]

dad, quit it, quit playing this race to suicide with me, i'm begging you

[yuexing88]

i don't need it right now, the missed calls from strangers, i think about you, river, no, you do not. i don't need it right now. what a lonely race. domesticated and bred species for our own companionship. if i could forfeit all of my soul and body to be part of a larger organism, i gladly would. you have sympathy for dead kittens and i have sympathy for cultists.

[yuexing88]

typical of you to be interested in me, younger, curious, with the misassumption that our melancholy and solitude are reciprocal, even-folded. the chase was so fun, wasn't it? up until it led to a massive crater. a gap you can't cross. they never make it past this one in the space movies. a dead ship is a dead star without the capacity for rebirth. i don't need rage when the light has already died.

[yuexing88]

do i seriously have to deal with a stalker right now

[yuexing88]

strange fucking bitten into christmas ham has been left by my doorstep in rot by the same person who wont stop passing by my place

[yuexing88]

do i seriously have to deal with a stalker right now

[yuexing88]

why is shunji iwai songood at writing about falling in love with pitiful fucking weirdos wauyghghgh i love you iwai i love y

[hoodoogardens]

Priestess of Yemaya/Iemanjá, of Candomblé in Bahia, Brazil by Phyllis Galembo