green eyes are staring forward, gazing at the darkness that surrounds her. it’s late. she should have been sleeping ages ago but as she stands outside on the balcony of the room she finds refuge in, arms locked and body leaning against the edge of the balcony walls, the thoughts that are swirling around her mind are leaving the edge of her mouth curling upwards. all thoughts seem to lead to clarke, the girl from skaikru who had somehow taken the normally levelheaded mind and warped it, had left it reverting to her as civil thoughts slowly faded into thoughts of blonde hair, blue eyes, and soft lips that she had kissed months ago in her tent.
it’s reckless and lexa knows it, understands how dangerous it is for clarke to even appear to be close to her. even with nia dead, with roan serving as the king of azgeda, she knows it’s unsafe, has watched as the only person she loved, cared for, needed, was stripped away from her, stolen, tortured, killed. and her jaw clenches each time her thoughts linger on costia, has to remind herself to lean into the coldness, the void, because feeling the loss isn’t something that she can do, even with clarke infiltrating every thought.
lexa might have been half convinced that she would have spent the vast majority of the night on the balcony, immersed in the cool air of the night and eventually the warmth that the sun brought, until she hears a knock. and she’s sure it’s titus. and despite the events of the day, she isn’t inclined to see him, needs this moment to herself to process what has happened. but it doesn’t stop her from calling out   ❛   hod op . ❜  knowing she has a duty to fulfill so she takes a deep breath before setting her jaw once again, masking the small ounce of happiness she had been dwelling in and walks slowly through her room, body still aching from the fight with roan and hand still stinging from the cut.
once she’s made it to the door, she reaches out with her right hand, placing it on the handle before slowly turning it and beginning to pull the door open, voice dryly saying,   ❛  have we not discussed enough ?  ❜   before her eyes lock on the figure standing in front of her. and when they finally do, her lips fall parted, a rush of breath escaping them, ragged breath being drawn in as she stares at the woman in front of her, the woman she knew to be dead. her face immediately pales, the set of her jaw loosening as her mind is scrambling to make sense of what she’s seeing, not totally convinced that it is real, that it can be real because she’s supposed to be dead and lexa’s supposed to be asleep. ❛  costia ?  ❜
she’s not exactly thought this through. what she’s going to say to lexa. how she’s going to explain everything that’s happened over the last almost two years she’s been gone. or if she can really even explain it all. she’s not really talked about what happened -- not only because she didn’t remember, but it wasn’t the easiest thing to relive. the last thing she wanted to think about was the months of torture she had endured. the only thing she’d thought about was getting back to polis -- to her family, and to lexa. however, due to the time, lexa had been her first stop along the way.
her heart is still racing as she stands there, still thinking about turning and feeing back the way she came. but then lexa’s voice rings out from inside the room and her heart almost stops. it’s been so long since she’d heard that voice, but all the things lexa had said to her come flooding back to her like they were yesterday. her eyes close for a moment as she hears the handle turning and she takes in a shaky breath, opening them just as the door opens. she looks up to see lexa standing before her in the doorway, still the same as she remembered, face still hardened beneath her heda exterior.Â
costia can’t speak though. even as lexa says her name, it takes all she has not to break down right there in front of her. so much had happened since they’d last seen each other, and all costia wants is to fall into lexa’s arms once more. but she keeps her feet planted, eyes looking over lexa’s face as she swallows thickly, talking herself into finally speaking.
“ --- leksa, ” it’s all she can manage. she doesn’t know what to say. how to explain that yes it’s her, and yes she’s alive and has been this whole time. she doesn’t want guilt to sit on lexa for any of this more than she knows it probably already has. how she probably blames herself for getting close to costia and allowing her to be taken from her. she breathes out again, eyes lowering toward the floor momentarily. “ ...i’m sorry it’s so late. ”
