It has been quite a long while since the last time I intentionally wrote for this blog. I haven’t written for any of my fanfics, haven’t answered requests since they were sent to me, and haven’t been putting up inspiring quotes about writing that I get from books that I read.
I’ve had a tough 2019 and the first couple months of this year has been a bit of everything. I can’t believe how my anxious, introverted self got to where I am now. It’s not exactly a better time; not worse, either - but what matters is that I’m here right now. And I’m writing out of the purpose of expressing myself and sharing something good.
I was writing in my journal this morning, on what felt like the same kind of entry I’ve been writing for days. The common sentences I’ve been writing were “I need to get myself together. Today, I really need to start working on my paper.” And then I’d end up binge-watching a TV show I’ve seen twice already.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared of the academic papers I need to write. They intimidate me because I feel that I have so little knowledge of the process, and Googling on how to do it leads me to more confusion if not enlightenment. I’ve been telling myself what I need to do - what pressing matters that need my attention because nobody’s around to push me. I’m past looking for inspiration or the mood to write or work. Even when a gust of inspiration or idea hits me, I turn to my phone and scroll on my dashboard endlessly…
…Always avoiding my fears whenever I could. I pretend that I don’t hear voices of demons telling me that I’m too stupid to write a good paper or that my story is terrible and that I should just discard it. It’s so easy to listen to voices that tell you you’re terrible or that you’re better off just laying in bed and avoiding everything and everyone.
But today, I did something a little different. I opened my curtains and watched the small trees and potted plants out my window being blown by the wind. I stared at them for a while, letting my mind wander and my eyes watch in comfort. And then I thought, this is what anxious people should do every day. A small connection with nature is always helpful, especially when we are always attached to our electronic devices.
As I kept staring at the trees and feeling the wind blow towards my room, I had more ideas. I thought I should create a new habit and follow it. This habit is quite simple: Do things little by little. Doing things little by little decreases the chances of piling up tasks. So, it also decreases anxiety because the tasks are done in increments, not in bulk, which would normally overwhelm us.
I came up with five things to do every day that would help me get things done and battle distractions and anxiety.
1. Pray a little every day.
2. Read a little every day.
3. Write a little every day.
4. Clean up a little every day.
5. Sweat a little every day.
And a bonus little thing:
Have a little treat every day.
These things may be little, but I want to do them with pure and clear intentions, and not just to scratch something off my list.
I don’t think we should be hard on ourselves all the time when life itself is already so difficult.
This may not be much, but I hope it helps your life little by little.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
ellievsbear
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
