你好不好

demjinyves on ao3 • master list • message requests are currently closed.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

if you need me, I’m gonna be on ao3 because my mind and my heart just aren’t here anymore. it’s always “where’s part _/chapter _” even though I have a master list in my description/a faq page that walks you through how to navigate my blog (as if it’s hard (and it’s not, because I wasted hours customizing html so that it isn’t hard)).

[yves-saintlaurwang]

What was ur old user?

yves-saintlaurtuan

[yves-saintlaurwang]

gossamer

[requested: so starting off in a relationship with jinyoung → accident → amnesia → relying almost  entirely on jaebum (hint at love triangle) + the choice of ending was left up to me]

FIN

“Why don’t we just let it go?”

🌙

Have you ever loved someone so much, you can barely breathe when you’re with them?

“I had a lot of fun with you tonight.”

“Was that before or after you had to carry me home?”

His laugh reverberates in his chest, tickling mine as I feel it against his back. I lift my head to rest it on his shoulder and nudge my temple against his neck.

“You didn’t have to,” I say softly even as my arms instinctively tighten around his shoulders.

“True, and you are kind of heavy.”

“Park Jinyoung!”

He laughs again, letting his head fall against mine before his arms – hooked under my knees – lifts me a little. “You said you were dizzy! And you live ten minutes away.”

“Twenty,” I mumble defensively to express my guilt.

“No one drinks wine like you, okay? You’re supposed to hold it up to your nose, smell it first, and then sip.”

“I did that!”

He stops walking and tilts his head, staring at me incredulously. “You chugged it from a paper cup.”

“I take big sips,” I snort.

He’s silent as his eyes narrow judgmentally. I have a clever remark waiting at the tip of my tongue for him, but he pecks my cheek and a laugh spills from my mouth.

“Hey.” I tap his arms for him to let me down, nudging his side with my knee until he carefully lowers me, never letting go until my feet are on the ground. I hold out my hand and he takes it as we continue the short way back to my place.

I know he was indulging in my vanity when he carried me from the studio. Knowing I wanted to show off a little, that I was proud of being able to say that we were together, even if for tonight.

For all I know, he could rethink the entire thing and decide to stay friends. It’s not like we were in a relationship. He was just the guy who asked me to get food with him sometimes. Some guy from my philosophy class I painted for an assignment.

But I sneak a glance at him as we walk along the empty streets and he’s so entirely his own.

Jinyoung was the kind of person who didn’t care what people thought of him. Maybe he indulged in his own vanity, but he never struck me as the type who could be someone else’s somebody.

I envied that. And I was self-conscious as somebody he wanted to know. The truth is, I go back and forth between reassuring myself that I’m doing what’s best for me and reminding myself what a fuck-up I am for it. I mean, I did take pride in my work and I was afraid to show that sometimes I didn’t. It just never occurred to me that what Jinyoung thought of me would ever be important.

I want that. I want that to be important to me. I want him to be important to me.

As we stand together waiting for the light to turn, maybe because I’m a little disoriented, I can’t stop thinking about his hand in mine and the warmth of his palm. And my hands being so grossly sweaty, but he hasn’t said or done anything to indicate he notices.

I take a step closer and he takes his hand back, to my disappointment. But he wraps his arm around my shoulders and gently brings me into his side as we wait. His jacket is soft against the skin of my cheek and I hesitate before wrapping my arm around his waist.

Between the cars passing us, I can just barely hear him murmur to me, maybe even to himself, “You don’t have to hide from me.”

Without thinking, without stopping to wonder what I’d meant to him then, nothing else seemed to matter. I was so used to having to explain myself to the people who told me it was a hopeless dream, an unproductive, uncertain thing to love. When he told me not to, I couldn’t help myself.

I held back hot tears, hid them under gasping laughter because, for the first time in a long time, someone believed in me. Even just the littlest amount, however much it is, Jinyoung believed in me.

“They were beautiful,” he said softly under the streetlights, “I’m proud of you.”

And he squeezes my shoulder, but I bury my face in his jacket. He lets me catch my breath. I manage to whisper, “I’m sorry,” and repeat it again and again only for myself to hear.

I’m sorry because I fell in love tonight.

🌙

I found him sitting outside the art department waiting for me, just like he said he would. Even after I told him I could walk myself home, he stopped answering those texts. That was almost an hour ago.

As I get closer, my footsteps become lighter and I tilt my head only to smile at the book in his lap. Always had a book in his lap, his knee crossed over the other, and his hair fallen over his forehead.

I bend down behind the bench and put my hands over Jinyoung’s eyes, holding back a guilty laugh when he visibly jumps. His hands grip the book just for a moment before he relaxes against his seat.

“Guess who,” I sing coyly.

The muscles in his face move under my touch, his cheekbones too, as he wrinkles his nose. “It’s pretty obvious, I know your voice.”

I roll my eyes and throw my hands up, resting them on his shoulders. “You’re so broody.”

But I kiss his cheek noisily, smiling when he turns to me with one of his own. That serene, relaxed kind that looked sleepy when I first met him. Soft. Jinyoung was so terribly soft.

His hand reaches out to touch my cheek. The back of his knuckles skim my jaw and chin, stroking the corner of my mouth with the pad of his thumb. He looks at me and I don’t want to move. I’ve never been touched so tenderly by someone, never felt so entranced by the way someone’s eyes can hold mine.

He has touched my lips and kissed every inch of my skin, but I’m still getting used to being loved by him.

“And you’ve got too much energy for me,” Jinyoung murmurs before kissing me gently.

Beside myself, my lips twitch and I lower my head, laughing silently as I press my hand over the one he cradles my face in. I lace my fingers through his and stand up as he extends his arm so I could walk around the bench, never letting go of him.

“I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”

He shakes his head, “I had to get some reading done anyway. I’m standing in for a professor next week and I really don’t want to blank in front of eighty kids.”

“Kids?”

“Freshman,” he corrects himself, exasperated. “I want to be respectable.”

I look down at his pale blue button-down shirt and pressed black slacks, blinking at the patent leather shoes before meeting the amused expression on his face.

“What?”

“Jinyoung,” I sigh out, “You already dress like their grandfathers, you don’t have to worry about being respectable.”

He blinks, tilting his head up at me. “Why are we together again?”

“Because you feel safe going completely unhinged around me?”

“Huh.” He lets go of my hand and puts his book in his shiny, pressed leather messenger bag that I thought was so damn pretentious. “Thought it was because you’re charming and ridiculously full of life. Could have something to do with your ability to paint me extremely well.”

“If you love me, you can just say so. I mean, if your pride can handle it,” I grin widely.

“And spoil you? Absolutely not.” He stands up and takes my chin between his fingers again to kiss my forehead. “Besides, that’s too simple. And there are other ways to say it.”

“Like?”

“Like, I can’t wait to have dinner with your parents next week and tell them what an incredibly talented daughter they have.”

I lower my eyes, biting my lip to hide the girlish glee bubbling in my stomach. “My dad wouldn’t let you in the house after that.”

“That’s too bad,” Jinyoung shrugs, not feeling sorry at all. “Guess I’ll just climb up through your window. Get real Shakespearean with it.”

“You’re such a nerd.”

“You love this nerd.”

I shake my head and pull him away from the bench. “Can’t argue with that logic. I call Romeo!”

“You don’t want to be Juliet? She owns the last half of the play.”

“No way, you’d look way better in the dress.”

He laughs next to me, nudging his shoulder into mine before putting his hand on the small of my back and pulling me to him, walking together in strides.

“So what kept you?” he asked.

“Struggling with a piece,” I shrug, “Couldn’t quite get it how I wanted.”

“Another block?”

“Something like that.”

Jinyoung squeezes my hip as we stop at the crosswalk. “You’ll figure it out. There’s nothing you can’t paint.”

That gentle, so certain confidence in his voice takes my breath away. I want to tell him that that’s not true. There are plenty of things I couldn’t put on canvas, not even the best artists could.

But I look at him and find the pride I searched for in people I’ve known all my life. So does it even matter?

He’s going to say I painted the sun and stars and the moon in the sky if I tried to argue anyway.

He turns his head to look back at me knowingly and shakes his head with an amused smirk.

But I could never paint the depth of his gaze when he’s reading words off a page out loud. Or hear his laugh even though I’ve memorized every line in his face, every curve and crook of his hands when he covers his mouth.

Even though it’s never stopped me from trying, I could never capture Jinyoung in all that he is.

There are no colors, shades, hues of any kind that could give life to the light he brings out of me or the one I spark in him.

🌙

I don’t expect Jinyoung to come to the studio. I don’t expect anything, or even allow myself to want anything from him. Not when he hasn’t tried to contact me and knowing that what was left between us was all we had left.

In an entirely selfish way, I think maybe it’s better if he decides to never see me again. At least then he could forget me. It’s only fair when I’d forgotten him. I try not to listen to myself, to that little part of me that is getting easier to ignore whenever the thought that I deserve to be forgotten creeps into my mind.

Still, it doesn’t stop me from waiting for him.

But six o’clock passes, then seven, and eight. K leaves at nine after he hands me the keys. The time passes either like a blur or achingly slow, and I’m caught between looking over a work-in-progress and washing up. In the end, I’m just waiting and trying to hide it.

He comes, I’ll talk to him.

He doesn’t, then he doesn’t.

He comes, I’ll tell him the truth.

He doesn’t, then he doesn’t.

He comes, I’ll tell him to forget.

He doesn’t, then he doesn’t.

If he comes, I deserve it.

If he doesn’t, I deserve it.

I’m not ready. Whether Jinyoung will show up or not, I’m not ready to face him now and Jaebum is right. I’ll never be ready to face him. I’m afraid to do the hard thing if it means that I’ll be hurting him.

But I’m afraid that if I don’t, I won’t be—

“Hello?”

Run.

A chill runs up my spine as I put my dirty brushes in the sink and take a step towards the door. With hesitating hands, I push it open. He’s not up yet.

“Hello?”

Hide in the cleanup. Maybe he’ll leave.

He won’t. Jinyoung is not someone who just gives up after not even trying. He doesn’t believe in doing the easy thing. He cares too much to ever choose the easy thing.

I’m scared. But I step outside and work up that bit of bravery he saw in me to call out, “Up here! Cleaning!”

Like nothing’s wrong. As if he didn’t leave my hospital room with his hands balled into fists and his head down because he couldn’t bear to look at me.

Be brave, I tell myself and shut my eyes, opening them when footsteps echo from the steps. Be brave.

I walk over to meet him halfway, but the sight of him leaves me breathless. His chest is heaving slightly like he was trying to catch his breath and sweat gleamed from his temple down his neck. Tucked under one of his arms is a small shoebox.

Did he run here? To give my stuff back?

My eyes are fixated on the white box, at the little bits of paper tucked inside and instinctively wrack my brain for what it could be that I gave to him. Thinking it could distract me from this gnawing emptiness in my stomach.

“I wasn’t sure—“ His voice cuts through the silence between us.

I look to him and find that he’s staring right back. Jinyoung, who was beautiful even with tears shining in his eyes, the beautiful boy who waited for me. Who told me that everything was going to be okay when I didn’t even know his voice anymore.

Jinyoung who promised to love me if he never saw me again.

“I honestly didn’t know if I should have come,” he murmurs. And I hear it in his voice, the uncertainty and that doubt he tried so hard to hide from me. If it meant protecting me, he’d choke on his own pain before any of it could touch me.

I smooth my already dry hands on my jeans, not knowing what to say. “Sorry. I mean, thank you,” I add quickly, blinking at the floor. “Sorry, it’s late.”

“It’s fine. Are you okay?”

“How can you ask me that?” I blurt out before I can take it back.

He flinches as if I’ve just hit him.

I purse my lips and look up at the ceiling so he can’t see me, but I know he does and that makes it so much worse. My fingers squeeze the thick fabric of my jeans, trying to stay calm. To keep myself level, think good thoughts, think real and good thoughts.

I am not broken. I am not broken.

My throat feels tight as I watch Jinyoung watch me in stunned silence, but I can’t keep him waiting like this. I take a shaky breath in, then carefully out.

“All this time, even now, you’ve put me before you. Even when it hurt to hear me say that I-I forgot—“

I covered my mouth and breathe through my nose, keeping my eyes up. Keep the tears back and show him that I am not this broken thing. I am not fragile, not the glass girl he was too scared to even touch in that hospital bed.

“I’m sorry, Jinyoung.” I raise my chin and meet his eyes even when all I want to do is put my head down. “I wanted to tell you that you didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry for making you wait for me. I’m sorry for every minute and every second that I ever wanted you to wait for me.”

I’m sorry to him even now for wanting him to meet the distance between us, knowing it could drag him to sink with me.

He clears his throat and it echoes through the empty room before he takes the steps closer to me.

As he nears, I notice how tired Jinyoung actually looks. His shoulders slightly slacked, footsteps heavy. There was a bit of color under his eyes and a barely noticeable sag in the lines of his mouth.

He stops in front of me with the box still securely tucked under his arm. And he says to me very carefully, “You could have died.”

“I—“

“I almost lost you,” he cuts me off, drawing closer until he’s standing over me. “Maybe it’s selfish. I’m sorry if it is, but I almost lost the girl I love. The last thing I wanted is for you to apologize to me for losing yourself.”

I shake my head, not knowing what else to say or do to make this better or how to tell him that that wasn’t what I meant. I want to run away. I’m not ready. I need to run away.

The box falls with a loud clack, flutters of paper and pit-pats of things I couldn’t discern. All I know is that Jinyoung has his arms around me. He can still find it in himself, in all the pain I didn’t mean to give him, to wrap me up.

His fingers find my hair, trying to give me tenderness when all he wanted was to know that I feel it, to want to make me feel it. His other hand is at my back, squeezing me to him.

“Why did you wait?” My question is a whimper against his shoulder and I want to hook my arms around them, but it still feels too scary. Too terrible to want someone so much.

“I told you. If there was a chance, I would. I told you,” he says, so sure of himself. So unfamiliar, but I know. “So why don’t we just let it go?”

The weight of his arms lifts, but he takes my face in his hands and I search for him as he searches for me. I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to this to be all that we’re living for.

“I said I’d wait for you to be you,” Jinyoung says with a forlorn smile. It didn’t reach his eyes and neither did mine. “And in the meantime, I’d be me. I thought, Im Jaebum – maybe – I didn’t think. And I forgot you too when I was angry.”

I held his wrists in my hands, allowing myself this selfishness. I let myself need his closeness, to want his tenderness, want his longing for me. I want to wrap him up, want to kiss his lips. I want him to be wanted.

But all too soon, the warmth of his touch leaves my skin. He takes my hands in his, his own fingers twitch before he squeezes mine. “I didn’t come here to change my mind.”

“Even with what we have left?” I ask in spite of my selfish thoughts. “Even when it’s broken?”

“It doesn’t have to be forever,” he answers hoarsely, stopping to clear his throat again. “We aren’t broken; this isn’t your fault. I want you to be you and I’ll still be me and I still want what we have. It was never broken for me. You were never broken to me.”

“Then why did you bring my stuff back?”

He bends down and picks up some of the papers that’d fallen, all creased from folding and covered in ink or pencil shavings, easel stains, oil blots. Jinyoung holds them out and up to me, unfolding them carefully.

“You can’t keep this, these are all things you gave me,” he says defensively, eyes wide and determined. “I didn’t come here to give it all back, I wanted to show you that they’re real. And so are we. And so was this part of you.”

“Then I want to know the part of me that had you.”

Maybe we can’t ever be the same. I don’t think there’s anything in the world that could fix what’s wrong or replace what’s gone. So why shouldn’t we let that go if it means we can start here?

I put my hands at the sides of his neck and I look at Jinyoung the way he has always wanted. He doesn’t dare touch me now and I see his hesitation despite wanting to.

“Can I kiss you?” I ask as he lowers his head to mine. His nose brushes along the length of mine and I can almost taste his warm breath as it fans over my mouth.

He cradles my chin between his knuckles and strokes my cheek with his thumb.

We don’t know if anything is going to be okay. We don’t even know if this could turn out the way we want or if Jinyoung and I would find what we’re hoping to find. I don’t need him to fix me. He cannot whisper the aching in my bones away or lick my wounds to vanish.

Only I can do what I need to do for me, on my own, to live with the scars.

All I know is his kiss, how he says, “I love you” in all the different ways he knows how without making it simple.

All I know is this moment, I cannot say that I don’t remember him when I know this happiness. I know the depth of his love brimming in those glassy eyes that I can’t paint. I know the sound of his laugh as it’s one that’s hard to hear.

He crushes me to him with his hands in my hair and his mouth coaxing mine open. I hear myself whisper his name and feel us both let it go.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

Duuude I love fools and I'm so glad it will be reposted soon again, I usually re-read it on my downtime. I'm not one for y/n fics but fools is so good!

lmao I'm living for the fact that people hate y/n as much as I do and I'm so glad I avoid saying it in my fics

[dazzlingkai]

Why are you leaving such a beautiful woman like me behind? How can you leave me so easily? You promised me that we’d always be together, so why are you leaving? You will regret it when you see how sharp I’ve gotten.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

....... so if the witcher is like that, then I’m not sure I have much hope for the six of crows netflix adaptation

[yves-saintlaurwang]

your writing is really good! i love all your stories. will you ever continue/repost Fools? that’s my fave fic of yours

hello, thank you so much!!! yes, I have Fools in my queue right now so it’s going to come after I repost all of Gossamer, that one Jinyoung smut I never look at anymore, and the first chapter of Gilded Butterfly. if for whatever reason I decide to migrate to ao3, I’ll repost it there. for now, though, yes, I’m working on it now while other chapters are slowly being reposted.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

Hey!! I was just reading about your ao3 post too. I just wanted to say you're the only author I've actively tried to keep up with on tumblr (even though I haven't really been using tumblr anymore). If you did end up moving to ao3, I would love to follow your updates there as I have done here. Regardless though, I think that you're an amazing author and person and I'm just really glad to have stumbled upon your works however long it was ago (who's good with time? not me haha)

HI ANGEL oh wow, so people are migrating/have migrated from tumblr in the masses... interesting. much to think about. can’t even blame anyone for it, this hell blue site was never great and it hasn’t gotten better. but omg thank you so much for keeping up with me, you’re so sweet and I know you’ve kept up with me for a really long time. I’m so grateful to you, thank you thank you thank you

[fybam]

[cutieseunie]

UMMMMM IS THIS ALLOWED

[yejiz]

ryujin - it'z icy teasers

[yves-saintlaurwang]

So I’m the person who asked about ao3. First of all, wow. Your writing is BRILLIANT - I’ve been following since 2017 and I am very critical and usually hate self-insert fics, but yours are just so damn good that I’ve made them an exception. Ao3 is a perfect place to start out, but for authors like you especially it’s the place where you belong because the writing is of such a high caliber. Please do it — even though the fics are often pairing centric you’ll find your audience, and it’ll be huge!

WAIT OMG you hate self-insert fics, but read my shit?! I’m screaming omg I’ve never talked to someone who hates self-insert fics and honestly, I’m kinda there with you because god, I hate second-person POV. so. much. that’s why when I do go on ao3, I never read self-insert fics, I go straight in for the pairing fics because those fanfic authors are top tier, like you said, high caliber writers. I never liken myself to those writers so honestly, thank you so so much for this support and encouragement. (the self-hate is too real lmao). 

but like I said in my last message, I did sign up and if I get the invitation message by the end of the month, I think I’ll give it a shot. I haven’t made any concrete decisions yet, but no harm in trying, right?

[prdsverse]

YSL should be dressing him 24/7 

[yves-saintlaurwang]

I just wanted to tell u this after reading ur ao3 post (I had to google what ao3 was) u are for sure an author and a great one at that! I have been following ur blog here for a surprisingly long time and I dont even have a tumblr account (Im super old school and just save the tab) in fact even tho I will get crucified I dont even follow got7 much anymore either but I still check ur blog regularly for fic updates cos ur writing is that good! So keep going wherever u go! Ur great!

thank you so much for calling me an author, a great one at that. it means so much to me, it really makes me feel good. no matter where I am, here or if I move to ao3, I’ll keep doing my best.

I would never crucify you for saying that because honestly if this comeback has taught us anything it’s that JYPE and division 2 doesn’t give a shit about GOT7. they never promote GOT7 correctly anymore and do nothing to help them get new fans, have pissed off current ones. it’s just been a mess, but you should check out their album because the bsides are honestly *chef’s kiss*. 

[yves-saintlaurwang]

I’ve probably missed your explanation before this but can you explain why your fics aren’t on ao3? You’re such a good author and the community is so big there, plus I’ve wanted to re read Gilded Butterly for a while now but if it was on ao3 you wouldn’t have to worry about reposting. Is there a rule with one of your networks that you’re not allowed to? Do you not like it?

first of all, thank you so much for uh calling me an author 😳 I don’t think of myself as one, but wow, the way the word alone just gives me the biggest confidence boost and makes me want to write.

but actually, no one’s ever asked me before about ao3. at least, I don’t remember and I can’t check because I cleared my old blog. I’ve never thought about it because honestly, I don’t think I’m

I don’t think I’m good enough to be on ao3. like, ao3 is IT, ao3 is where authors who post literal gold for free are and I know it sounds stupid because it’s a platform that’s free to join, it does have such a huge community. but I’m afraid of posting there because I’m worried that no one will read my stuff. and I read on ao3, there are some massively talented, insanely creative authors there. I love ao3 because their tagging system is just brilliant, it’s cohesive, it’s a great place for fanfic writers. I’d love to post there. I’ve always wanted to post there because they’re so liberal when it comes to fanfic but at the same time, they do treat it as a legitimate art form. so the short answer: I’ve never thought about posting on ao3 because I have no confidence in my content.

but yes, the network I’m currently affiliated with does not reblog links to other sites. which is a shame because I see other fanfic writers across all fandoms making cool edits/banners to post on tumblr and they’re links to works on ao3.

here’s the thing though, and I don’t know if this can get me into trouble (I doubt it would and I don’t really care), the community on tumblr is not the way it used to be. so many blogs have been flagged, I’ve heard from writers who’ve moved on to ao3 or just flat out quit because of how tumblr has censored blogs. at the same time, I think a lot of my readers who were around 2-3 years ago when I first started writing have also moved on from tumblr. and as much as I love writing, tumblr doesn’t have a great algorithm system now. I don’t get nearly as much traffic on this blog as I used to and honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore what anybody says; nothing kills a fanfic writer’s motivation to write more than getting paid dust. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for a fact that it’s very easy for fanfic writers to leave tumblr because even before the algorithm changed, writers really don’t get shit. besides obviously not getting paid, meme ass posts like chat posts and short little things like imagines/reactions type posts always get more notes. and it makes sense because they’re short and sweet, I’m not downplaying the efforts of anyone who creates this kind of content. but as a full-length fanfic writer, that’s discouraging. I didn’t even realize how much I’ve written in the 2-3 years I’ve been on tumblr until I started this new one, but unless you’re doing numbers like, thousands of notes on your posts and having tens of thousands, hundreds of thousand followers, there’s so little feedback. there’s little to no reaction and as much as I love to write, I also get discouraged if I’m posting something that took me days, weeks, months to write only for no one to read it or to have nothing to show for the fact that someone read it. so, to summarize: maybe I will start posting on ao3 because if I’m writing fanfic for free, I may as well post it on a platform that exists specifically for it.

by the way lmao thanks again for calling me an author and sending this ask, it really let me vent and I feel great.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

signed up for ao3 and there's an invitation queue so hopefully maybe I'll be on there by 7/25 lmao let's see

[yves-saintlaurwang]

I’ve probably missed your explanation before this but can you explain why your fics aren’t on ao3? You’re such a good author and the community is so big there, plus I’ve wanted to re read Gilded Butterly for a while now but if it was on ao3 you wouldn’t have to worry about reposting. Is there a rule with one of your networks that you’re not allowed to? Do you not like it?

first of all, thank you so much for uh calling me an author 😳 I don’t think of myself as one, but wow, the way the word alone just gives me the biggest confidence boost and makes me want to write.

but actually, no one’s ever asked me before about ao3. at least, I don’t remember and I can’t check because I cleared my old blog. I’ve never thought about it because honestly, I don’t think I’m

I don’t think I’m good enough to be on ao3. like, ao3 is IT, ao3 is where authors who post literal gold for free are and I know it sounds stupid because it’s a platform that’s free to join, it does have such a huge community. but I’m afraid of posting there because I’m worried that no one will read my stuff. and I read on ao3, there are some massively talented, insanely creative authors there. I love ao3 because their tagging system is just brilliant, it’s cohesive, it’s a great place for fanfic writers. I’d love to post there. I’ve always wanted to post there because they’re so liberal when it comes to fanfic but at the same time, they do treat it as a legitimate art form. so the short answer: I’ve never thought about posting on ao3 because I have no confidence in my content.

but yes, the network I’m currently affiliated with does not reblog links to other sites. which is a shame because I see other fanfic writers across all fandoms making cool edits/banners to post on tumblr and they’re links to works on ao3.

here’s the thing though, and I don’t know if this can get me into trouble (I doubt it would and I don’t really care), the community on tumblr is not the way it used to be. so many blogs have been flagged, I’ve heard from writers who’ve moved on to ao3 or just flat out quit because of how tumblr has censored blogs. at the same time, I think a lot of my readers who were around 2-3 years ago when I first started writing have also moved on from tumblr. and as much as I love writing, tumblr doesn’t have a great algorithm system now. I don’t get nearly as much traffic on this blog as I used to and honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore what anybody says; nothing kills a fanfic writer’s motivation to write more than getting paid dust. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for a fact that it’s very easy for fanfic writers to leave tumblr because even before the algorithm changed, writers really don’t get shit. besides obviously not getting paid, meme ass posts like chat posts and short little things like imagines/reactions type posts always get more notes. and it makes sense because they’re short and sweet, I’m not downplaying the efforts of anyone who creates this kind of content. but as a full-length fanfic writer, that’s discouraging. I didn’t even realize how much I’ve written in the 2-3 years I’ve been on tumblr until I started this new one, but unless you’re doing numbers like, thousands of notes on your posts and having tens of thousands, hundreds of thousand followers, there’s so little feedback. there’s little to no reaction and as much as I love to write, I also get discouraged if I’m posting something that took me days, weeks, months to write only for no one to read it or to have nothing to show for the fact that someone read it. so, to summarize: maybe I will start posting on ao3 because if I’m writing fanfic for free, I may as well post it on a platform that exists specifically for it.

by the way lmao thanks again for calling me an author and sending this ask, it really let me vent and I feel great.

[yves-saintlaurwang]

not enough jackson fanfic on this blue hell site so I will be taking matters into my own hands