Sandrock Bachelors Being Drunk
My first head canon post, enjoy!
Arvio already has no idea what inhibition is so expect his personality to intensify by 200% while his ability to actually come up with schemes drops by 200%.Ā Heās gonna have so many half-baked terrible ideas that he will immediately try to act upon, so be ready to keep him on a kid leash to avoid some really dumb incidents.Ā āBuilder!Ā I just had the best idea for how to get more investors for By the Stairs, but we have to act fast!Ā Iām hopping on the next train to Atara right n- what do you mean it can wait til morning??āĀ Arvio already slurs his words, so drunk Arvio I could see being almost unintelligible.Ā Once heās drunk enough, heāll constantly flip back and forth between beaming over how much he loves the builder and sobbing over Fangās most recent rejection.
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE rizz
Amirah helps at first, but clocks out of babysitting after the first hour of shenanigans.Ā Good luck Builder.Ā Heās your responsibility now.
Sweet, sweet summer child Burgess.Ā Heās not much of a drinker, but would easily be peer pressured into drinking games, especially if the Builder wants him to play.Ā Others offer to drink for him if he wants, but Burgess insists that, as the Chief Water Inspector, his high hydration levels and position of bureaucratic authority give him a high enough tolerance to make it through the whole game.Ā They do not.Ā Sweet baby boyās never been drunk before and has no idea how to handle it, so be ready to babysit this one too.Ā Heās gonna cry over how beautiful the cactus flowers are in full bloom, how Banjo jumped in his lap and started purring, and how youāre an angel from the Light sent to save Sandrock.Ā Keeping him hydrated is easy, but if he does throw up, heāll never forgive himself for the wasted water.
Heās very good at listening to the Builderās instructions and advice on sobering up, though.Ā Of all the drunks on this list, heās the easiest to comfort and get to bed by far.
Drunk Burgess is a āsinnerā (by his perspective) & 100% gives Pen the āyouāre a bully but I forgive youā speech instead of turning the other cheek or forgiving immediately.
Itās been a while for him.Ā Did he drink and party with Luna back in Atara?Ā 100%, but since arriving at Sandrock, heās been so busy with hyper fixating on Logan and trying to survive droughts and sandstorms, there hasnāt been much of an opportunity for him to just let loose and party.Ā Once he finally does, though?Ā Mans is writing sonnets on sonnets on sonnets.Ā None of them rhyme, or even make sense, but he gives them his all anyway.Ā āShall I compare thee to a summerās day?āĀ āErnest, you said that one already.āĀ āDid I?Ā I guess every time I see you, I seem to just forget everything else.ā
Ernest is pretty open about flirting with the Builder normally, so when heās drunk, expect to hear it way way more.Ā Heās gonna rizz up that Builder as well as his drunk brain can ācause he absolutely LOVES seeing them blush because of him.Ā Heās all talk though, well aware that when heās drunk, neither he nor anyone else should take him seriously.Ā Heās just having fun!
I could see Fang going one of two ways when drunk: either he realizes heās drunk and immediately goes to sleep regardless of location OR his walls come down and you get to see an almost completely unfiltered Fang.Ā When his walls come down, oh man, Arvio better watch out.Ā If Arvio were to try any shenanigans, Fang is definitely telling him to shut up and sit down.Ā Heās grumpy normally, so drunk Fang would be much more likely to express that grumpiness.Ā Itās not that heās a mean drunk so much as he is just more comfortable expressing himself under the effects of liquid courage.
If heās with the Builder, he becomes soooooo clingy and jealous.Ā āThe feel of your touch, unforgettable.āĀ Yeah heās not giving up the feel of your touch while he feels confident enough to truly demand it.Ā If the builder is standing, heās right behind them with arms around their waist.Ā If the builder is sitting, his head is on their shoulder, hand on their thigh, glaring down other townies who get too close.Ā Ā
X lowkey loves when Fang gets drunk because it means he doesnāt have to filter what he says either, not that he does it too much normally.Ā He definitely eggs Fang on if the kind doctor happens to be roasting someone (Arvio) like a squawking mini-hypebeast.Ā At the same time, X helps the builder out a lot with getting Fang to drink water and go to sleep.
He has a very low tolerance, 4 drinks max
Our favorite Sheriff and tiredest dad of all the bachelors, Justice definitely knows how to drink.Ā One of his best friends is the local saloon owner, so yes, Justice has a pretty high tolerance.Ā With that, Justice tends to be pretty mellow when he drinks, but if heās with the builder, heās getting flirty too.Ā Heās gonna lean hard into the cowboy aesthetic, with a fake tip of the hat before asking the builder to dance.Ā During the dance Justice is pulling the builder close enough to stand on his feet (so he doesnāt drunkenly stumble on them) & going all the way with the spins and twirls.Ā Heās not elegant by any means, but he is fun!Ā Heās giggly and having a good time (probably annoying Logan).
If the builder is a friend, heād insist on walking them home to see them off safely before stumbling back to his house.Ā If the builder is more than a friend, Justice is definitely laying on the rizzĀ and trying to get laid down at the workshop.
[insert āhmm societyā question about life here] (seriously though, why do all the civil corps members wax philosophical so often?)
We all know the yakboy only dances when he drinks, but what else will he do when drunk?Ā Logan has a temper, yes, but heās also a soft gooey ball of affection with the people he cares about, and that dichotomy is on full display when he drinks.Ā He avoids drinking games (theyāre dumb & childish & heās a grown man, damnit), but if the Builder wants to get up to drunken shenanigans?Ā Oh heās in.Ā Ā
āDarlinā, are you seriously tellinā me ya wanna go build a scarecrow that looks like death to set up outside Cooperās house ān scare him when he wakes up at 4am?āĀ āYeāĀ āWhat do ya need me to do?ā
Surprisingly, not a horny drunk at all (fanfic writers sue me).Ā BUT, he is an affectionate drunk with the builder.Ā Kinda like Fang, heās all about the physical affection, especially in public.Ā The builder is his, and heās gonna make sure it stays that way.Ā When they get home, he just wants to lay in bed with the builder in a cuddly vice grip til they both fall asleep.
He definitely relies on Rambo knowing the way home, just hops up, tells the goat where to go, and halfway passes out in the saddle.Ā Heās definitely getting roasted for being a lightweight by Andy when he gets home.
How else would a religious fanatic obsessed with discipline act when drunk?Ā Off the rails ranting & outright simping for the builder.Ā Full stop.Ā Iām not even a Miguel fan and I know this man is so down bad for the builder.Ā He wouldnāt even want to drink initially, until the builder challenges him to a game.Ā āVery well, Builder.Ā For the person who has done the most to promote telesis in this barren land, I can surely raise a glass or two in celebration.ā
Once heās drunk, expect a strange combination of sermon and praise for the builder (he will definitely be mortified in the morning).Ā But if the builder even touches him by accident, heās already hiding a sneaky semi tenting his pants.Ā Ā
āMiguelā¦are you hard right now?āĀ āBuilder, it would be a sin for me to deny the truth of this situation.Ā *proceeds to dramatically throw his jacket off*Ā Take me now, body and soul.āĀ āI mean, sure, butā¦can that wait til we can get home?āĀ āOHā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..yesā
The next morning, while nursing a hell of a hangover and the raw, unfiltered embarrassment of drunken mistakes, he vows to never drink again.Ā At least, as long as the builder doesnāt ask him to.
Honestly?Ā I donāt see Owen acting too differently when drunk, just a lot less anxious when interacting with the builder.Ā Seemingly out of nowhere, his stuttering and nervous way of speaking with the builder is gone, replaced with a more confident barkeep.
Heās wicked good at drinking games, having spent his entire life inside of a saloon.Ā If you think youāre winning beer pong or rage cage against Owenās 6 foot something ass, youāre wrong.Ā Thereās a reason Justice and Logan outright refuse to play drinking games with him, and itās cause it always ended with someone throwing up.Ā Never Owen, though.Ā Heās got a finely tuned tolerance for alcohol and knows exactly where his sweet spot is.Ā Ā
He wonāt really try to initiate any sexy times with the builder, but if they start dropping hints for him?Ā āJustice, can you watch the bar while I step out with the builder real quick?Ā They need some help..umā¦perfecting a new recipe.āĀ Cue Justiceās shit-eating grin.Ā āSure pardner, take as long as yāall needā with a quick wink at the couple
Is he drunk, or has he just been pretending to drink that much?Ā Who knows?Ā Pabloās been around, especially in Walnut Groove.Ā He knows how to drink and even more so, he knows how to look how to drink especially.Ā Heās watching the town get absolutely smashed with glee, taking stock of everything that happens, especially anything embarrassing.
Heās the one who calls at 8am the next morning when youāre hungover to hell and back and tell you, in excruciating detail, every embarrassing thing you said and did, just in case you forgot.Ā All in all, I think he likes to drink a little, socially of course, but heās far more interested in getting others drunk instead of himself.
Assuming that Pen can get drunk (he is sensitive to Duvos peppers), heās gonna be glued to whatever the nearest reflective surface is.Ā But what actually surprises the builder is how genuinely affectionate he becomes with them, especially if theyāre not officially a thing yet.Ā He wants them sitting in his lap so he can wrap their skinny arms in his big arms the entire time.
When heās not being affectionate, heās definitely trying to spar with them, though.Ā For Pen, fighting is very much foreplay, and this is even more true when heās drunk.Ā He would already be turned on just by the builder existing, so a drunken brawl at 2am?Ā Heās the hardest he's ever been the entire time, full stop.Ā Bro is so hard from fighting the builder he has to take care not to fall flat on his face or he might break Pen jr.Ā Ā
Pen avoids getting drunk because it also makes him feel guilty, at least some part of him.Ā He doesnāt necessarily like deceiving the builder (Sandrock he could take or leave tbh), but he has to so he can protect the life he wants for himself.Ā The builder changed a lot of that for him, so he feels a lot of guilt about keeping secrets.Ā Donāt be surprised if drunk Pen says he needs to confess something, only to go silent for 5 straight minutes before telling them heās just hungry.
You know that meme about the guyās roommate who blacks out and designs an entire airplane?Ā Thatās Qi when he drinks, but with spaceships.Ā How did you get him to the saloon to start drinking in the first place?Ā Three words: Saloon Trivia Night.Ā Qi is competitive, and assumes that heās usually at the top of his respective totem pole, so when Owen starts including trivia questions about archaeology, building, agriculture, etc, Qi can get frustrated relying on his team to answer for him.Ā And for every round lost, thatās another drink finished.Ā Soon enough, heās ranting about the uselessness of āsoft sciencesā and the possibilities of interstellar space travel (someone please just make out with him and shut this nerd up)Ā The drunker he gets, the more he only excuses the builderās mistakes and no one elseās.
This man definitely gets hot and bothered when drunk, but has no idea what heās feeling or what to do about it, so he usually just goes to bed.Ā If the builder is romancing him, though?Ā The builder will definitely need to initiate things, but from there a now-uninhibited Qi goes off, following any and every instinct he can that the builder will allow.Ā He wants to try everything with them, for science of course.Ā Ā
Regular Unsuur is honest, if a bit stoic.Ā Drunk Unsuur is too honest, and still kinda stoic.Ā As soon as he has a thought, heās saying it, no filter.Ā It doesn't matter who he is talking to or what he is saying, heās gonna let loose with whatever heās thinking.Ā āHey Cooper, why do you talk so much?Ā Like, you talk a lot.Ā Going on and on, kind of like I am now.Ā Why do you do that?ā
āUnsuur, are you drunk?ā
āYeah.Ā Oh.Ā Builder, can I make love to you until youāre breathless and destroyed and the only word you know is my name?Ā I think youād be really beautiful like thatā
āUnsuur, weāre in public! Everyone can hear you right now.ā
āOh, yeah.Ā We should probably go home before doing that.Ā Pretty sure having sex in public is a crime.ā
Aside from shamelessly flirting with the builder, Unsuur would also just wax philosophical to all the town pets in some corner of the saloon.Ā None of the other drunks there could keep up with his train of thought, but he doesnāt let that stop him.Ā Now Macchiatoās third eye is open, and heās considering joining the civil corps under Captain.
I hope you guys enjoyed the headcanons! Let me know if you want to see the bachelorettes too! Yan has dialogue in the game about "mixing yakmel milk and catnip" so if y'all want any other headcanon posts, intoxicated or otherwise, let me know!
