chilluminati @zachary-thomass - Tumblr Blog

how is it possible to be so miserable AND so good at the same time?

this shit sucks. the ups and downs suck ass cheeks

like wtf i’m on tumblr in 2026…

well i took some edibles and worked out and i feel a little bit better

fuuuuck this roller coaster

i think i need therapy… or hard drugs.. i haven’t decided yet

if ur reading this then blink twice so i know who’s reading it

one of the most isolating things in the world is feeling like no one really knows you. like KNOWS knows you.

i didn’t even realize what i went through until i talked to my closest friends and told them some of the traumas and they could literally not believe it.

makes sense why i was the “life of the party” but never had a super close best friend/s that actually wanted to hangout. they just wanted me there for entertainment and then go and do their own things

shit this all hurts 🥰🥰

found out this past weekend that me and all my brothers had thoughts of self harm when we were teens. i thought it was just me. i never even registered it until talking with them.

i wanted it all to end. i used to pray that jesus would come back and the world would end so i wouldn’t have to do it myself.

we could never do anything to hurt my moms image of a perfect family. even though we were all broken and faking smiles to sell to people that we were happy.

i could handle when my brothers, my so-called best friends, wouldn’t travel to see me and my family… but now that we have seen how well our kids play and love each other and that’s not enough still?… my 7 year old cried in the car on the way home from visiting family because he will miss them and never sees them.

for context(even tho no one is reading): my wife and i moved out of state from my family and the only time we have seen them is when we travel back to my home state.

the only time my brothers came to visit was when I PAID FOR half of their airplane tickets. Meanwhile one was in med school to became a doctor and the other made 2 times as much as me.

i can’t say anything about how hurt i am that they won’t travel here or shoot down plans to meet in the middle because if they come now it will be because of guilt and not them actually wanting to see me and my family.

bdjwowmr owlamwlxldajixbebwiwo

feels great throwing this shit out there into a void

honestly… i’m always angry. it is a conscious effort to distract myself from my baseline of anger. it’s funny because i present as a happy, energetic, and people person.

suppress

SUPPRESS

nothing like returning to your traumatic child hood home to see your previously abusive mom who is now paralyzed and your dad who is depressed and falling apart taking care of her. then your siblings say how much they miss you and your family but then never travel to see you. anyone else have that going on? hahahaha :(

#fuckahashtag