lived a lie;

CAN WE FORGIVE AND FORGET? Lawrence Zachary Thompson Zack Thompson; twenty two Studying in Brooklyn, NY England at heart "Just love me like you used to, when I couldn't lose you. Why, is this goodbye?" IF ONLY FOR THE WEEKEND

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

No response. Only a simple nod that didn’t really say anything. Did he agree to be friends? Or did he just nod to show he understood what she was saying? She assumed there would be no other reply though, considering the cold front she had gotten so far, and so she headed upstairs with him without another word. The silence didn’t feel any less awkward, but at least she had apologized and her thoughts were out there, if he ever felt like talking.

Once they reached her room, she started searching through her closet to find an appropriate dress while Zack sat on her bed. If she used some imagination, it could have been like every other winter afternoon, a few years back. Where she was searching for clothes and Zack was waiting to go somewhere, or maybe they were just going to chill in the living room and play games? She snapped herself out of it as she pulled a black dress from its hanger. There was no use – he obviously wanted none of it. Instead she could focus on being happy that she hadn’t gained too much weight over the years- all her clothes still fit her as they had used to. 

She dropped the black dress on the foot end of the bed before reaching behind herself to try and unzip the dress she was wearing, though it proved to be difficult. She had needed her mother’s help to zip it up earlier, too. When Zack suggested helping her, she raised an eyebrow at him for a brief second. What was he trying for? Flirting? It hadn’t seemed like it a moment ago. “Yeah, sure. Thank you.” She turned her back to him again, making sure to keep her hair out of the way so he could reach the zipper. “I don’t know why I chose this dress anyway. The black one is a lot easier to wear, and it doesn’t squeeze my stomach when I eat too much.”

Zack wasn’t sure what answer he had expected to hear and even more important, what answere he had hoped to hear. Yes, please get that dress off, I still love you, let’s forget everything and have passionate reunion sex! Well, that or maybe No, thank you, Zack. You’re so sweet and so kind, what would I ever do without you, but I’d rather do this on my own. For the next few years. No, that wouldn't be all too nice, he would definitely prefer number one. Or well, Iris' simple answer was okay too.

He got up when Iris turnt her back to him and slowly opened the zip. It wasn't romantic in any sort of way; it wasn't sexual and it was absolutely no big deal. Still Zack felt his heart pumping just the tiniest bit faster and his hands turning sweaty. If it had been years before, maybe he'd just place a simple kiss in Iris' neck. Maybe he'd make a dump sex joke and hope Iris would laugh. Maybe they'd take the chance and start a hot make out session while their families are over at Zack's house and wouldn't interrupt them. Maybe, possibly, would. In the end, he simply opened Iris' dress without a fuss and sat back down.

As he realized, Iris would stand in just her underwear in front of him if she dropped the dress to get changed, he quickly put a hand over his eyes and turnt around on her bed. "Well, I mean, you look pretty in it," said Zack even if it was just a desperate try to hide his pretty much blank nerves. "I mean, you also look pretty in that black one. Or looked. You used to look really pretty in it, I remember. I mean, I haven't seen you in forever. You probably still look very pretty in it. I'm making such a fool of myself, this is ridiculous." The end of his monologue was as pathetic as the beginning and the middle of it, and he wanted nothing more than to simply disappear right this moment.

"Are you done?" He asked carefully and resistet the urge to steal a quick glance at her. "Food's probably getting cold, I mean."

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

At least this time he was honest. She already knew she had hurt him beyond words, but at least this time he admitted it in his own way, rather than being defensive and snarky and making things worse for both of them. She had no idea how she’d ever redeem herself, but it felt so weird to be hostile with the person she loved above anyone and anything else. If she had a choice, they would have just taken a break and gotten back to it now that she was home, but obviously that was too much to ask for. Maybe if she had talked to him before she left, but she hadn’t, and that was that. She had to deal with what she had done, even if it was difficult.

“I understand that. I didn’t… I didn’t plan on coming home this soon, either.” She sighed softly, well aware that she still needed to get changed thanks to the massive stain of mashed potatoes on the skirt of her dress. “I just… you know… I don’t know what to say. I should have done things differently, and I feel terrible for not telling you. You of all people deserved to know that I was leaving, and… I just fucked up. Really bad.”

Glancing at him, she shrugged. “All I can do is say I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, not ever. I hope that… you know… we can be friends again. Eventually.” That was really all she could hope for right now, and she knew there was no point in asking for more. But now that she got that off her chest, she let out a little sigh. “You want to come upstairs with me? I need to find another dress, somehow.”

Friends. Iris wanted to be friends again. Her words already brought the tears to his eyes, but that simple word stung the most. He had to look away from her, simply nodding because he didn’t dare speaking and hearing his voice cracking. Zack kept his eyes on the ground as he followed Iris up the stairs to her old room. All those years, he had worried that Iris would just forget about him, forget what they had and what they were. Or that he was the reason she left. Hearing her now say that she wanted to be friends again, when they used to be so much more, was the confirmation of all his worst nightmares.

Once in Iris’ room, he automatically sat down on the edge of her bed as if there hadn’t been years apart between when it was part of his everyday and now. Zack glanced around the room. It hadn’t changed, it hadn’t changed at all, looking just the same as the last time he was there. The room was the same, the house was the same, but they weren’t.

Zack leaned with his arms on his knees, nervously twirling his thumbs while he tried to distance himself a little from this whole situation. He didn’t want to get all emotional and burst into tears right in front of Iris when she had already seemed to be all over it. “Uh... do you need... I mean, should I help you with that?” he asked carefully, once he realized Iris still strugged with opening her dress. Well so much for getting some distance between them, but that was no big deal. Right? “I mean, nothing I haven’t seen before, right?” He put on a small, cheeky grin and ran a hand nervously through his hair.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

With how this night had been going, Iris was almost happy for the scalding distraction, even if it meant she had to wait even longer to get some food in her. Maybe her going to change would allow the rest of them to relax and talk amongst themselves as they surely had done the last four years while she was gone, and maybe she could slip in unnoticed and stuff some potatoes in her mouth rather than have them all over her lap. While she had begrudgingly agreed to wear a dress for dinner – it was a discussion her mom and her had had every year, before and this one had been no exception – she had wore a pair of rather unflattering ugg boots on her way over to the Thompson’s, and so she hurried to pull them on before heading out in the snow, making her way over to their own house.

It wasn’t until she had made it to the front door that she realized her mom had actually locked it, probably because they didn’t know when they’d be home again, and she huffed quietly to herself in the cold. Standing here would make no difference in whether she got in or not, but she was debating climbing in the upstairs window to get inside, just to not have to go back right away. Before she got as far though, she heard footsteps trudging in the snow behind her, and she turned to see Zack approaching. Great. Katharina had probably told him to follow her, even though that was the last thing they both wanted right now. Steeling herself for more bitter comments, she tried warming herself up a little by rubbing her arms. She should probably have brought her coat.

Seeing that Zack came bearing gifts, she instantly perked up a little and took the keys from him. “Oh, thank you.” She was quick to unlock the door and get inside, leaving the door open so he could follow inside if he wanted to. She doubted he was just there to hand her the keys, and sure enough, she was right. An apology wasn’t exactly what she expected, but it was better than the alternative. Maybe he’d be willing to talk…? Giving him a sheepish smile, she shrugged. “It’s not your fault. I understand this is… something to adjust to. For all of you, and for me.” She stepped out of the boots as she talked, wanting to get changed as soon as she could. “I really just… wish we could talk about this. It’s obvious that you’re hurt. I’d rather have you get angry with me for what I did, rather than all those passive aggressive comments…”

It was ridiculous, Zack decided as he slowly made his way to the Blanchard's, how Iris was standing in front of their locked door in the cold, not doing much and not being able to do much more than staring at their front door. Zack had really taken his time with lacing his shoes and going after Iris in the first place, she must have noticed long ago that the door was locked, but instead of just coming back she stood there in the cold and a dress and not even her coat. Zack had never worn a dress in winter, but he was sure it couldn't be all too warm. On the other hand, he could understand why Iris probably hadn't come back - it was horrible uncomfortable after all and he couldn't really judge her for prefering the cold.

"Your mom gave it to me...", he muttered as Iris took the key from him. He had wanted to say You're welcome or No problem, Iris but now it sounded like their parents made him go over which sort of was true, given, but not completely and that was the important point. Even as Iris unlocked the door and left it open for him, he stood in the cold, dugging his feet into the snow, not sure whether to just go back home or follow inside. His eyes darted to her face when he heard her speak and once he saw her smile, his feet followed her inside on their own.

Zack closed the door behind him, but didn't dare going in any further as his shoes would just get their floor wet and dirty and so he just stood by the door. He shrugged softly at Iris' words, but pressed his lips together then. He didn't want to talk, he couldn't - what was he even supposed to say? That what she did had hurt him? That what she did broke his heart into a million pieces he had never been able to pick up? That he couldn't sleep ever since she left all those years ago? That she was an absolut selfish bastard for leaving him like that? No, he couldn't say that. It was Iris he was talking to and he couldn't say that, not to her, not to his girl. "I'm... I can't, Iris. I'm not angry at you, I just... I don't know," he rubbed his face, his hand running nervously through his hair that, thanks to the melted snow, stuck up in all kinds of directions after, "It's been too long, I sort of expected to never see you again, you know?"

His eyes darted around, stopping at Iris ugg boots and he couldn't help a soft smile. His friends, male and female, hated those, they were too ugly and they were probably right, but they looked comfy as hell and Zack always thought of Iris whenever they saw someone wearing those. He knew Iris would wear uggs, she was always one to not give a single fuck about such things and it was one of the things he loved the most about her. But she's not his girl anymore, and he wasn't supposed to love such things about her anymore. That reminder came like a punch in the guts and blew the smile right off his face, leaving him as lost as ever in a house that shouldn't feel as home to him as it did.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

Iris was determined to get through this dinner without anything happening, she was going to ignore any petty comments and she wasn’t going to make any herself. If they just got through this one dinner, it would be at least another five months until they had to meet again, at Easter dinner. If they just made it through this dinner, Zack could forget her and things would be fine, she’d figure out what to do with her future and let him just do his thing without messing anything else up. If they could just do that, it would be fine. Even if they sat next to each other, that didn’t mean they had to actually talk, anyway.

If anything she was going to let the others have a good time, and she was careful to keep a smile on her lips as they started passing around food and filling their plates with the delicious dinner their mothers had gotten together. Home cooked meals might be one of her favorite reasons for finally being home. While she had eaten a lot of interesting and good food while she was gone, there had been countless weeks on instant noodles and soups when she couldn’t earn any good money, and Christmas dinner at the Blanchard/Thompson households was a feast. Besides, if she just stuffed her face and didn’t say a word, maybe made sure this dress wasn’t going to fit next Christmas, this could all be over faster. Dinner was the mandatory part after all, after that she could probably go back home while the others got drunk at the Thompson’s way into the night.

It seemed life had different plans for her though, as she was busy plating a few brussels sprouts when Zack started waving around after his brother and a few lumps of incredibly hot mashed potato ended up in her lap. She couldn’t help the little scream she let out, jumping up from her chair so the potatoes fell to the floor, quickly grabbing her napkin to wipe off the excess. “It’s fine- it’s fine, it’s whatever,” she grumbled in response once everyone had calmed down a little, understanding that it wasn’t a crisis, though her red dress now had a sizable spot on the skirt. While she would normally do anything to be able to get out of a dress and into some of Zack’s significantly more comfortable clothing, this was definitely not the time. 

“No, it’s- you know, I’ll just go home and change. You guys eat, and I’ll be right back, okay?”

Zack surely wasn’t acknowleging Iris’ presence, no, that was something he had done enough already this evening, but when his eyes twitched over to look at her, it wasn’t his fault. And besides, how was he not supposed to keep glancing at where when she really thought that that smile was anything but obviously forced. Well, he couldn’t really blame her - he wasn’t exactly comfortable or happy to be there in the first place, but on the other hand, it was quite easy to blame her for everything lately.

His brother was a sort of annoyingly nice distraction, sadly not for long and sadly that short moment of distraction made things even more terribly awkward and shitty. He hadn’t meant to waste that food, and he even less had meant to attack Iris with some seriously hot mashed potatoes, because even though he was hurt and pissed, yes, that wasn’t his intention in any sort of way. Zack watched the potatoes fall to the floor, and he really would give a whole lot to just disappear right this moment. Especially, as he wasn’t really able to do anything more than stupidly watch as Iris left to get changed, and endure the horribly awkward silence and all eyes on him. “Oh man, I’ve missed this Christmas drama the last years,” Jackson laughed and Elijah didn’t miss a beat to get in on that. Jokes on him, as usually, but at least that helped to get sort of ride of that tension.

Or not- Zack caught his mother’s reproachful look, and just stared blankly back at her for a moment. Yes, of course, she was right. Yes, of course, he should go after Iris. Yes, of course, he should apologize and make sure she’s alright. ...but did he really want to? No, not really. He should, and he sort of has to, and fuck it, he would. “I’ll... just...,” he muttered, and turnt to leave, but Sara stopped him and held their key in front of him. Typical.

The Blanchard’s house was literally next door, but Zack neverless grabbed his coat and made sure to lace his shoes neatly - mostly to waste time, because he really didn’t want to. Once outside, he could already spot Iris’ silhouette in front of their door. He approached her slowly and tried to muster up a smile when she noticed him. “Forgot something?” He held the key out and buried his hands in the pockets of his coat after Iris took it. Why was that so hard? Why did he make it so hard in the first place? He knew that girl, had known her his entire life, she had seen him at his best, his worst, his... everything, and now he was scared of talking? Zack felt incredibly dumb and out of place as he just stood there, not talking but not leaving either. “Look, Iris-  I’m sorry...” That was at least a start. “I mean, not just for ruining your dress, but also- what I said earlier.... wasn’t cool, so.. .” He lowered his gaze, staring at his feet and dug them stupidly into the snow. So much for being strong, and not giving in, but he didn’t want to fight, never had meant to, the whole situation had caught him absolutely off guard. Iris being back, talking to Iris again, Iris still wearing his stupid shirts- his stupid old feelings coming back big time and he didn’t know how to handle and process all of it. “Sorry for ruining your first Christmas back home.”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

Zack’s words definitely stung. If she had a choice, she would probably still be out traveling and not back in Durham of all places, but she hadn’t had any money left and she missed her parents, she missed Zack, she missed everything. She hadn’t meant for her coming back to disrupt everything and shake it all up, she just wanted to see her damn parents and maybe get a home cooked meal for the first time in years. It wasn’t like she purposely went back just to upset anyone, and even if she knew there wasn’t much she could do to fix things he could at least talk to her rather than throw some shady comment her way.

She didn’t bother replying to what he said, instead continuing into the kitchen even as she heard him rush up the stairs. Fine. She wouldn’t bother coming around her anymore, no matter what her parents said, and Zack could finally be happy without her. That was fine. 

Once she reached the kitchen, she slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs and watched her mother and Katharina work on the food and talk like they had always done before. No one else had noticed her and Zack’s little argument, and everything was as it was supposed to be. It was almost eerie how little had changed, while at the same time everything had changed. 

She didn’t participate in the conversation, instead listening to them talk about food and what they had been up to lately and whatever else until the food was pretty much done and Sara went to call everyone to the dinner table. Great, seemed like Zack and she had to act like everything was normal for a little bit longer. Speaking of Zack, he appeared in the doorway just a minute later, and Iris decided to go with his approach and simply pretend he wasn’t there. At least she knew her place around the table, though once everyone was seated that still left a spot for Zack right next to hers. Great.

Zack stood in the doorway for a moment, just taking in the sight of his and Iris’ mother; talking, laughing, cooking together like they had always done ever since Zack could remember. It was comforting in some way, sure, to know that some things would probably never change, but- He glanced at Iris, for barely a second, just from the corner of his eyes noticing her presence, because he would not gave in and achknowlege her presence again. Nothing was the same as it used with her, and he hated the fact that their parents’ lives were still as they always had been.

“Oh please, Man U’s gonna kick Arsenal’s ass. Just like we always do, isn’t that right, Zacky?” Jackson threw his arm around Zack’s neck from behind, pulling him along into the living room, and Zack was too trace-stuck to even really protest. “What- no- fuck you,” he tried to get out of Jackson’s headlock, but his brother was still older, taller and stronger and it was more a wild fumbling around than anything actually useful; to not only his brothers’ amusement, but also his and Iris’ dad’s. “The day I die you can bury my stone-cold, wrinkly, disgusting and most importantly Gunners-tattooed ass.” Jackson let out some mocking sound and ruffled his hair, or at least tried to until their mother appeared in the doorway, food in hand and a very strict, raised eyebrow. Jackson immediately let go. Well, at least that would never change as well.

Zack grinned, sort of, not really, fixing his hair as all sat down around the table and mouthed a “Suck it” in his brother’s direction. He realized just a bit too late that now he was stuck with the only free seat - right next to Iris. Well, fuck. He tried not to appear too unwilling as he sat down beside her, making a point by turning to his brother right next to him as their mother gave the usual “isn’t that exactly the way to spend Christmas” speech. “I’ll give you five bucks if you switch seats with me,” he whispered, and yes, he was a grown-up man, he just didn’t feel like handling his problems like one. Elijah raised his eyebrows at him, considering his offer for a moment, before breaking into a grin- fuck. “No way, my weirdo-alert-radar is exploding right now, this is gold.”

Dropping his pleading smile, Zack squinted his eyes together and pursed his lips and turnt away again. Maybe he could focus on the more important stuff, like the food. Zack reached for the bowl with mashed potatoes while James cut the turkey. Or the fact that Jackson thought making lame Arsenal jokes was a-okay. “Hey Zack, why don’t they drink tea at the Emirates Stadium? Because all the cups are in Manchester. Suck it.” Or maybe that was something he should less focus on and instead focus on the huge bowl of mashed potatoes in his very small and weak left hand while his right hand was giving Jackson the V-swear across the table. He noticed too late that the bowl wasn’t even, and dropped a huge amount of mashed potatoes right on- fuck. Iris’ lap. “Shit- I’m- fuck, sorry.” You idiot, you fucking idiot. “I’ll give you some of my clothes, I’m sorry, I swear.”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

“Well, find it ridiculous however much you want, but she clearly knows what she’s doing. You have to respect that,” she teased back as she got into position in the game and got to killing. She knew Katharina could be strict every once in a while – at least she had been – but she also knew it was very much necessary with Zack and his brothers sometimes, at least if anything was going to happen around the house. Besides, Zack’s parents were just as loving and kind as Iris’, and she had always considered them her second set of parents anyway, considering how much Zack and she went between each other’s houses, both before and while they were dating.

While she worked with Zack as they had always done, her shoulders started tensing once he continued speaking and she realized what he was saying. Really? Was he really going to say no to talking things out, and instead attack her all childishly like this? When she had offered to explain and get things out of the way so they wouldn’t have to feel bad anymore? Pausing her screen, she set her controller down immediately and looked at him with a hard glare. “Wow, really? I’ve already told you we could talk about this shit, so if you’re gonna act like I haven’t been trying to make things better, you can fuck off.” 

Obviously Zack was allowed to be bitter and angry, but he could rather be bitter and angry outright than make snide comments like that. Again it was obvious that they had both changed a lot in how they dealt with things, and Iris just wasn’t in the mood to have the rest of the day be Zack making obvious comments about how annoyed he was when he had said he was over and done with it. Getting up from the couch, Iris shook her head and headed towards the kitchen to hang out with their mothers instead, figuring it might be best to talk with him as little as possible if this was how things were gonna be.

There it was. The confrontation he didn’t want. Or maybe he was looking for it, but he surely wouldn’t have it. Zack pressed his lips together tightly as Iris paused her screen, automatically pausing his screen as well and taking his only distraction away from him. Honestly, he’d provoked this, purposely or not - all aside. It wasn’t fair of him, yeah, but had it been fair to be left just like that, from one day to the other, without any warning? Probably- no, definitely, not. He didn’t need to look at Iris, to feel her glaring a hole right through his head; he didn’t even dare turning his head and instead ended up stubbornly staring at the TV screen.

He watched her stand up, neverless, cocking his jaw slightly. “There is literally... nothing you could do- to make things... better,” he got out slowly. Did she really think it was that easy? For her to come back, give him some lame ass excuse why she left - when he already knew she just hadn’t cared about him enough to stay or to at least tell him she planned to break his heart - and then they’d be fine again? He’d be fine again? “You can fuck off- things were fine before you decide to pop back into my life out of nowhere, just because you fucking can.” Zack didn’t mean to be this harsh, he didn’t even know he could be so harsh, but who was Iris to be angry at him? Just because things weren’t going the way she wanted them to go?

Zack got up as well then, turning the console off without saving and brushing past Iris, “Nevermind.” Instead of heading to the kitchen, he went up the stairs to his room, running into Elijah who was on his way down, probably dying to get something to eat. Zack didn’t mind his “Eyh, watch it, Lawrence” and instead threw the door to his room shut, shutting him, and Iris, and everyone else out - for just a few minutes at least. He needed a cigarette right at this moment, man his mom would love him smelling like smoke, but at this very moment he had no regard for his mother and her Christmas dinner. He sat by the open window, his mind re-playing his words, Iris’ words and he had to press his palms to his eyes to stop them from tearing up. It just wasn’t fair. It was one thing to process that Iris hadn’t given a single damn about him when she left, fine, it took him four years for that, but now her being back, and getting mad at him for being selfish and trying to spare himself the hurt of talking things through? It wasn’t fair.

Deciding that his mom would probably come looking for him in a near future, once the food was ready, Zack put the cigarette out once it was burnt down and rubbed his eyes again. He really didn’t want to get down again, but there was next-to-no way his mom would let him stay in his room like that, and he didn’t want to start up a fight with her on Christmas. Without checking if he looked somewhat normal, he headed down to the kitchen, making a point in ignoring Iris as best as he could.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

Smiling carefully at Zack while he spoke, she really hoped he’d be encouraged to talk more, though it was mostly just… awkward. Awkward, all the time. She knew it was her fault, ultimately, but if he’d only talk to her- no, she had to let it go now. If he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to. There was nothing to do about that. “Thanks,” she replied softly. “I don’t really ever wear dresses now either, but- mum forced me to. I think she’d kill me if I tried showing up in jeans and a t-shirt.”

Shrugging, she moved over to sit next to him in the sofa and crossed her legs once she was comfortable with a pillow behind her back. She had been in this position a gazillion times before, in this exact couch with this exact game, and even if she hadn’t really played any games in a while, it felt surprisingly familiar to grab the controller and navigate the menu. At least this meant they weren’t forced to keep up one of the lamest conversation ever. Clearing her throat, she focused on picking the character she wanted and noted that Zack chose the clone technician, as he always did. Some things never changed, apparently, and there was some comfort in that too.

“Yeah, I’ve got it- can you chill? I’m on my way.” She finished in the menu, starting to navigate the familiar map once she was ready. “It’s been a while, okay? I’m getting into position now- just like we used to.”

“Yeah, parents- horrible,” Zack agreed, nodding and unpurposely avoiding eye contact with Iris in that process, “Mom threatened us into our shirts as well, still working the whole taking our games consoles away and all. Pretty ridiculous since we’re sorta grown up by now... I mean, it worked though, but I find the concept ridiculous.” It was stupid, empty small talk, but well it was a step in the right direction and better than nothing... right? Zack tugged the sleeves of his dress shirt up and sat up straighter when Iris moved over, so she had enough space beside him.

Iris crossed her legs, he noticed and it were things like that that made him fall in love with her all these years ago. Because she wore a dress and still sat with her legs crossed and allthough it was very “un-ladylike” (Zack didn’t exactly believe in that concept either), she still didn’t really seem to care. Another apparently very “un-ladylike” thing that Iris was kickass in were video games, partly because he himself used to do little less other than play these when he was younger so Iris sort of had to accommodate. Right now, it didn’t look like she was that kickass though.

Zack rolled his eyes, mimicking Iris’ bitching while he still focused on the game. “I am a very un-chill person, forgot that already?” Zack let his character kneel down behind a wall, waiting for the SBD to get closer before eliminating it with his shotgun. “I mean, four years’s quite the time to forget unimportant stuff like that, right?” With his eyes and head still on the game, he barely paid attention to what came out of his mouth until it was already too late. “Especially when that stuff”, he shot another droid, throwing a grenade into his enemies direction, “is supposed to be rotting all alone to himself in England.” Zack didn’t bother with hiding the bitterness; he still held his grudge, of course, how wasn’t he supposed to still hold it? He never really got the chance to not hold it because he never got his closure, and now that he got the chance, he wasn’t willing, wasn’t brave enough to take it.

After the air was clean for the time, Zack made his character fix the broken cannon, glancing down on Iris’ part of the screen. “They’re coming your way,” he muttered, waiting for the cannon to be fixed before he got inside and started killing the droids heading over big time.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife at this point, and Iris immediately regretted not faking sick and staying at home under ten blankets instead of this mess. To be honest, things would have been just fine – if a little awkward – if Elijah hadn’t made that stupid fucking comment. She made a mental note to bury him in snow at a later opportunity, because even if she usually was on good terms with Zack’s brothers, she also knew them well enough to not be afraid of kicking their asses every once in a while. Especially Elijah, considering he was the youngest and Iris had definitely beat him in arm wrestling both once and twice.

Clearing her throat softly once the little menace left the room, she gave Zack a slight smile to hopefully encourage some kind of normalcy between them. She really wanted this to be as normal as possible, and since Zack refused to talk about what had happened, she had to deal with ignoring it for now. If only the loser would admit he was upset and wanted to talk about it, they could get some damn closure, but he didn’t seem to be intent on opening up any time soon. “I’m good, thanks,” she replied as easily as she could, leaning back in the comfy chair and straightening out her dress a little. “How about you? I-” She stopped herself from continuing, knowing there was nothing she could say that wouldn’t make this even more tense than it already was. How long were they gonna do this, exactly? Until Zack when back to the US and he didn’t have to be faced with her anymore, so they could go on with their lives as if Iris still wasn’t here? Probably.

“What were you playing?” she asked a moment later, hoping this was something they might be able to do without having to talk too much and make things worse for themselves. “Can I join? I’m a little out of practice, but…”

Zack let out a groan as the pillow missed his brother’s useless, stupid ass and instead landed on the living room floor. At least he was gone now. Which meant he was now alone with Iris. Which wasn’t that great. At all. He turnt to look at her, returning the forced smile before he got up to pick up the disappointment of a pillow-attack with a sigh. It was tiring to be like this around Iris, it wasn’t natural- it wasn’t how they were supposed to be. But Zack also didn’t know what or how they were supposed to be either.

“Yeah, good? That’s... good,” he nodded, leaning down to pick up the pillow and making a face at himself. So much for smoothing things out- non-awkward dinner- back to normal. Hah. Not with Mr. Awkward Weirdo Alert. “I’m good too, thanks. Nice dress,” Zack flopped down on the couch again, occupying the spot his brother had been in a few minutes earlier, “You never wear dresses. I mean, you used to never wear them. Even though you looked beautiful in them. Still do, I mean- what we’re playing? Uh, Star Wars- go ahead, I guess.” Zack held up one of the controllers, vaguely pointing to the free spot beside him now. “You gotta move over, the wire’s not that long.” Maybe they’d be better- no, it’d definitely be better. Not being forced to talk some forced bullshit small talk, and simply focusing on the game sounds way better. How is that what they’ve come to? They used to play this together when they were younger, of course, it was Zack’s favorite game, but back then he wasn’t so keen on playing it to not talk with Iris.

Zack started up another game, tapping his thumbs against the sticks as the map loaded, “You still know the basic stuff, right? I mean, it’s Elijah’s statistic, but my ego still prefers to win at least one round.” As the game started, Zack quickly chose his character - the clone technician, always the technician on this map - making his way through the map easily to get to the cannon. He glanced down at Iris’ part of the screen, groaning softly. “Oh woman, choose and move your ass. Droid’s not gonna kill themselves, now do they? I’ll get their focus and you snipe them out, just do it like we used to.”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard :

Being back in England was definitely a whole new thing to adapt to after four years of being literally anywhere else. She wasn’t sure if it was just because this place was actually familiar to her or if it was because she knew she wasn’t going to be leaving in a few day’s time like she had been doing while actively traveling. She suspected it was a little mix of both though, especially because it was so damn easy to slip back into the same habits she had had when she was still at home. Getting up at the same time as her parents to have breakfast with them, they talked a lot about where she had been and what she had been doing, and once they left for work she went back to bed to nap for another couple of hours. Usually she did some chores since she didn’t have school or work to go to, and then finished dinner in time for when her parents came home. There was definitely something missing in her daily routine though, and that something was living in the house just next door.

She had seen her boyfriend – ex? – a few times after they had initially met, but it was painfully clear that Zack avoided any and all potential reactions in favor of doing… well, basically anything else, it seemed. If he had actually acted like a normal human-being, Iris would probably have accepted the fact that he was over the whole thing about her leaving and they could act as if they were friends again, but seeing him literally sprint from the trash bins to get back inside once she went outside sort of tipped her off that he wasn’t quite willing to forgive and forget just yet. If he would only talk about it- but no, Iris did not have the right to get upset. She had hurt him a lot. More than she could ever imagine, at least according to what her parents told her about how Zack had behaved after she left.

So she let him avoid her, at least for a little while. It wasn’t unreasonable to want to adjust to the thought of her being back in Durham after all, her parents had needed a few days to remember she was around too, and so she could definitely offer the same decency to Zack. Christmas dinner was unavoidable though, and she knew Mama Thompson would absolutely refuse Zack to not participate, no matter who came over to eat with them. It just so happened that this was the Thompson’s every year – they alternated between the houses to make it fair, and this year was the Thompsons’ turn. So the Blanchards had obviously dressed up in their nicest clothes and brought this year’s dessert with them over to the neighbors’ house.

After barely ringing the doorbell for a second, Katharina was there to let them in from the cold, and Iris dutifully handed over the bowl of pudding before she took her coat off, along with her shoes. They were practically shepherded into the living room after getting their outerwear off, but of course her mom went to join Katharina in the kitchen whilst her father went to find Aaron, and so Iris was suddenly standing in the living room on her own, eyes on Zack and Elijah on the couch. “’Sup?” she said calmly, moving to sit down in the armchair next to the couch. The least she could do was try and make this as normal as possible, and hopefully Elijah would at least acknowledge her if Zack didn’t.

Before any of them even had a chance to stand up to answer the door - not that they planned to, they were busy saving the galaxy after all - his mom rushed past the living room and to the front door. “You would assume the Queen herself is visiting,” Elijah muttered, eyes focused on the game and Zack forced himself to let out a serene laugh. Truth be told, the cheerful greeting and buzzing that came with their guests left him as an awkwardly anxious mess on the couch who was already thinking how to get out of this whole dinner as soon as possible. But no, he’d get his shit together. For the sake of not making a fool out of himself, for the sake of every person who had to watch their awfully awkward and absolutely weird interaction, and- yeah, maybe also for the sake of what they used to have and used to be.

It wasn’t like the Thompsons didn’t have any manners, their mother made sure to give them all a decent amount of manners along and made up for the lack of all of them, but the Blanchards weren’t the sort of guests you would pause your game for and all forced happily and cheerfully greet, so both, Elijah and he himself just glanced at them and called out a “hello” before ⅔ already disappeared again. As Zack had his game to focus on, he obviously put his attention on it and did not pointedly ignore Iris. Because that would be weird, and not-grown up at all. After all, his brother did the same thi- “Hi, Iris, looking good.” Traitor. Fucking traitor.

Apparently he was the only one who found it horribly awkward that his ex-girlfriend who left for four years was now back as if nothing had ever happened. He would not make it more awkward than it already was, so he turnt to look at her- mistake. Of course, Christmas dinner was a fancy, huge deal to their parents and of course, they were always forced to dress up nicely when they were younger, and actually he still was forced to dress up nicely and barely managed to look nicely - and then there was Iris. Probably not even trying-

“Yo, Lawrence, what the fuck?!” Zack snapped back to the TV, realizing he just got brutally shot. “Ops. My bad...” With his sudden death did not only go their real chance of a win out of the window, but also his only real chance at a distraction. Well, there was his chance to smooth the way to a non-awkward Christmas dinner. “Sooo, you...” He leant on the armrest of the couch, unintentionally invading Iris’ private space in that process. As soon as he noticed, he quickly jumped back into his old place, “How you doin’?” Not so... smooth, but it was a start. Right? “Uh uh, awkward weirdo alert, I’m already leaving... Not as quickly as Iris had but- bye,” Elijah grinned and turnt the game off, quickly making an exit before the cushion could hit him. “Asshat- merry Christmas to me, yay.”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 002

Zack loved Christmas. He really did, he hated the snow and he hated the cold and he hated the winter alltogether, but he loved Christmas. Sure, he was a victim of this whole commercialized part of Christmas, but that had yet to stop him from getting as excited about the feast and the presents as he used to when he was younger. He hadn’t got to spent the holidays with his family last year as his flight got cancled last minute due to some crazy blizzard, so naturally he should be more excited about this year’s holidays than ever.

The problem was Christmas dinner on the 24th wasn’t just a family thing for them, it was a Thompson’s and Blanchard’s thing, and meeting Iris had again cast a shadow over all his holiday plans and anticipations. He’s had time to think about it though (two days in which he locked himself away in his room) and he had come to the conclusion (while playing Counter Strike with his old school friends) that they were now adults and they could leave the whole thing far behind without much fuss (he honestly probably could not). Zack would be trying his best to have things be less weird and maybe even somewhat normal though. Normal as in “just neighbors, maybe friends”.

So, really, why was he still trying to fix his hair and why was he changing his shirt for the third time today. “You’re a huge fucking loser,” he cursed under his breath, watching himself in the mirror and just for the sake of it, made a mess out of his hair to look like he wasn’t trying too hard. Their guests weren’t there yet, his mom was still running back and forth between the kitchen to check on her turkey and the living room to make sure the table was neatly decorated and set up and he himself flopped down beside his little brother and the couch and stole a PS controller to cling himself into his Star Wars game. Video games always had a way of getting his mind off things- at least until things started ringing their doorbell and he almost jumped in his seat, earning himself a weird look from his brother.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

Iris was – for once in her life when it came to Zack – absolutely clueless. She had no idea what to say that would make him talk, because he obviously was not okay, but he obviously did not want to talk about it. If it had been four years ago, she would have barged ahead and probably made him cry but at least have him talk about it. That way it was out of the world, they could both breathe easier and life could move on. It had always worked that way, but that was before. Even if she couldn’t remember a time when that tactic hadn’t worked, she felt bad at the thought of just going on without considering his feelings. Was that bad? That she finally was taking how he felt into account and that stopped her from actually solving things? Probably.

Letting out a little frustrated sigh at both the way he and she herself were behaving, she had a stare-down with her mug on the table for all of five seconds while she considered what to say. “Okay.” Dammit. Was she really letting him get away with this? “Okay, if you really mean it.” Looking up at him again, she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “But both you and I know that this won’t really get any better if we don’t actually talk about it at some point. Preferably before you leave town.” 

There really wasn’t much more to say if he didn’t actually open up a little. “I’ll be here when you want to talk. Promise.”

Was she for real right now? Zack looked up from his shoes, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, eyebrows raised in disbelief. Running away from this wouldn’t fix it, wouldn’t make this encounter and the last years undone and disappear - nothing could, and maybe running away was weak and coward. But he wouldn’t let Iris Blanchard tell him that. At least not anymore. Not when she was the one who left him without a single fucking word. He huffed out a laugh, running a hand through his hair- “Right.”

He wanted to say more, to speak his mind finally, but he didn’t have the right words and he didn’t even know what he wanted to say in the first place, so he closed his mouth again and shook his head, heading for the front door. Bullshit talking things out. “Yeah, I actually don’t believe that till I see it myself-” he stopped by the door, hand drumming against the frame as he considered what to do. There wasn’t more to say, he didn’t want to talk about it just yet and he didn’t want to hear anything Iris had to say just yet either, maybe he wouldn’t want to hear it at all. “I’ll show myself out... Bye, Iris.”

Zack left, the cold biting his face as soon as the door fell shut with more force than he had inteded to. He remembered that Iris’ mom didn’t like it when the door got thrown shut and he immediately felt bad for doing it in the first place. That family had a habit of making him feel unnecessarily bad about things, he decided bitterly. At least now he knew what he’d do over his stay here; lock himself in his room to minimize the chance of running into Iris again.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

It was difficult to know what to do, for once. He had said he didn’t want to talk about it, and so Iris had accepted that because she really was in no position to be pushing for anything either way right now, and so his question caught her a little off-guard. “Well… um, I wanted to talk this out with you, maybe tell you my side of things so you would know what I was thinking when I left, and then I wanted to hear how you’ve been doing, if there was a chance we could at least be friends again, but- you didn’t want to do that, so-?” What exactly did he want her to do? She had no idea. Obviously it wasn’t easy for him, but it wasn’t like she was trying to avoid the subject. She was offering him the choice of talking it out, and he had denied it. What else could she do? Force wasn’t exactly an option.

“If you didn’t want to talk about that then I’d at least like to see how you are now? Because… because I’ve missed you a lot and I thought maybe you missed me too, and I just wanted to see that… that you’re okay.” She shrugged limply, tugging the blanket around her a little tighter while keeping her eyes on him, hoping they could work this out somehow. “If there’s something you want me to do different then I will, I just- don’t really know how I’m supposed to approach this.”

How often had he actually imagined this? Meeting Iris again, hearing her saying how sorry she was for breaking his goddamn heart, and he finally wouldn’t love her enough to fogive her. Or at least he had tried to convince himself he wouldn’t love her by the time they would actually meet each other again, but now here they were and Zack caught himself swallowing down what he wanted to say. Because he knew it’d hurt her, and he wouldn’t be the person to hurt her. He hadn’t been back then, he wasn’t now and he probably would never be, and God, he could actually hate himself for putting Iris above each and everything, still.

“I did miss you,” Zack shrugged his shoulder, fumbling around with his jacket in his arms, “But well.... just forget it. You see, I’m okay. Living, breathing, walking, talking and shit-” Did he really just managed to say that out loud? Well that’d be something new. Neverless, Zack had a hard time trying to hold Iris’ glance, especially when it felt like she could just read him so easily from head to toe. It wasn’t fair, Iris couldn’t just show up out of the blue and tell him she missed him and want to know how his life was going. It wasn’t fair and Zack wasn’t ready to talk it out or be faced with it in any sort fo way. “Maybe just... don’t.. approach it at all.”

He wanted to shrug his shoulders again, but stopped himself and instead put his jacket back on. He needed to get back home, back in his bed, back to where he could pretend he didn’t just met Iris again. “I gotta go... you know my mom... worrying and all, when I’m not near the driveway and stuff... You would assume she realized I’m a grown man by now, but ha, no, not my mom.” Zack tried to sound not like he forced himself to actually keep talking, but knowing Iris... and probably anyone with a slight feeling for lies and awkwardness, she had figured that already. “I’ll see you around, I guess...” Or not. He didn’t know that yet, but it was most likely beyond his control anyway.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

Zack had moved on. He had let it go and moved on, like it was that easy. Was it that easy? Iris certainly hadn’t moved on, hadn’t even looked at any other guy since she left England because the only one for her was still back in their hometown, probably wondering why she had left. Had he really moved on, or was he lying just because he didn’t want to talk about it? The latter seemed a lot more like Zack, but like he said – they had both changed. It wasn’t that unthinkable that he had decided she wasn’t worth the heartache and had moved on, really. And she couldn’t exactly blame him if that was the case, either. She hadn’t exactly left him with a lot of possibilities to keep in touch.

“No… No, I guess you’re right,” she replied slowly, biting her lower lip for a moment as she looked at him. Good for him then, if that was the case. All her feelings for him had resurfaced like a freaking rocket hitting her smack dab in the chest when she saw him. She didn’t think they had ever really gone away, just not gotten as prominent after being away from him for so long. There was a sneaking suspicion that she might have more trouble now that they were meeting again though. They had both changed. No, she couldn’t really have expected him to wait for four years. But she realized with a dull sting that she sort of had, in her own way. Selfish, as her parents had told her. As always. 

With a sigh, she shrugged a little. “I thought you might… feel the same way as me. But if you don’t then- I guess that’s all. I don’t want to bother you about it if you’re over it, you know?” But she still wanted to talk to him, still wanted to see how life was for him now. “… So… what are you doing now? Are you just here for the holidays, or have you stayed in England?”

She let it go. She really just let it go. For a moment, Zack couldn’t help raising his eyebrows in surprise, because she really just let it go. Iris Blanchard really just let him get away with it. Either he was more convincing than what it felt like he was or she just didn’t know him anymore. But then again, maybe they both hadn’t known each other as well as he had always liked to believe they did. “Ok, cool...“ he shrugged his shoulder, lightly scratching the back of his neck.

Burying his hands in his pockets, Zack shrugged his shoulder yet again - he felt so stupid, so uncomfortable and completely out of place in a house that was once like his own home and in front of a girl who was once his whole world. It was all so absurd; how could he feel so awkward and so wary when all through the time they had known each other he had gladly and willingly made a fool out of himself in front of her just to see her crack a single smile. She had known him from head to toe, had seen him at his worst and now he was scared of letting her know the obvious.

“I’m n- ... No, I’m just visiting my family, guess England didn’t have anything worth staying with that shitty weather for the both of us, right?” he rubbed his scuff, wanting to let out another laugh, but it sounded more pained than anything else and Zack just couldn’t take it. He just couldn’t take it, couldn’t take looking at her and having this small talk like they were nothing and nothing had happened and like everything was fine and like they were just stupid acquaintances meeting again after a bit time apart. “What- Iris, what is this? What do you want- what exactly are you doing right now? What is all this supposed to be about?” Did she really think he’d happily chit-chat with her and tell her everything that she had missed out on the past four years, like nothing happened and like she didn’t kill everything they had- or he thought they had. Part of him wanted it to be this easy, to just forget everything that had happened between their graduation and right this moment, but he couldn’t and he surely wouldn’t.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

Of course Zack didn’t want to talk about it. They were usually good at talking things out – had been good at it, at least – but she could see that that had changed now. Not that she could really blame him, considering what she did, but she had hoped they could hash it out and be done with it once and for all instead of skirting around the subject for however long she was going to stay here. It wasn’t like she expected things to go back to normal, but getting rid of that initial awkwardness would be good. Watching him walk around the living room, however, she realized it would take more work than this. “You’re… good?”

Ignoring the question that she knew he didn’t care much about anyway, she frowned at him. “You really don’t want to talk about this?” She knew he didn’t like confrontations, and especially when it could lead to them fighting, but she had a hard time believing he just didn’t want to know. Unless he had come up with his own screwed up reason why she left, which was probably not a good thing. She would be lying if she said he hadn’t been a little insecure when it came to their relationship, considering how different they were in a lot of ways, but she really, really hoped he wasn’t thinking she left because she didn’t care about him, or – god forbid – left because of him.

“I’ve been gone for four years and… you’re good?” Maybe it was incredibly selfish of her to at least hope she’d get more of a reaction than that – the thought of Zack being fine with it all hadn’t even crossed her mind, and judging by how awkward he was acting, she didn’t think that was the case either. But still- to think that maybe he got over it and got over her and had moved on with his life was sort of… sad? Not that she wanted him to cry his heart out after four years, but considering how much she had missed him, she had hoped he had missed her a little too.

Well, great. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, shouldn’t have even hoped to get away with this lame ass change of topic, because, of course, Iris wouldn’t let him get away with it. She was stubborn, always had been, and when she had set her mind on something, she would get it, one way or another. And apparently that confrontation was one thing she wanted, but Zack surely didn’t. Not like that, when he was unprepared and caught completely off-guard.

“Yeah, I mean- do you want me to be... bad?” he shrugged his shoulder, not really knowing where to put his hands so he scratched the back of his neck, holding his other arm with it after, “Four years is kind of a long time... You- left, I left, you changed, I changed, the world didn’t go to hell 2012 so... life went on and all.” Of course, of fucking course, he wasn’t good, he wasn’t fine and he wasn’t alright with what had happened, but he wasn’t gonna let Iris know that. Or well, show it to her. She wasn’t dumb and God, that woman knew him from head to toe, so she had probably figured that what she had done hurt- killed him and that he wasn’t alright.

He looked at her then, it bothered her, he could easily see that, but he wouldn’t be having this conversation, not like that and preferably not at all. Three weeks and he would be back in New York anyway, then he would be the one leaving and hopefully be able to forget all about this, just like he did four years ago. “I mean, it’s not like you expected me to wait around four years for you, right?” he let out a short laugh, and to laugh right now was more of a defence mechanism than to lighten the mood in any sort of way.

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

She didn’t really know what to say after letting Zack into the house, but she shut the door behind him, tugging the afghan a little tighter around her to fend against the cold wind that followed him inside. Great. Zack’s old t-shirt and just her underwear was probably not the best outfit for this, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before, no matter how long ago. Stepping back, she let him get his jacket off while she wandered back to sit on the couch. Really, she had no idea how to approach any of this, but it was probably better now than later. 

“Ummm…” She patted the couch next to her for him to sit down, curling her legs up under herself so she took as little space as possible. “I just thought… you know, that maybe you’d want to… talk?” Maybe he just wanted to not see her ever again, but then maybe he wanted answers, too. “It’s… been a while. I- um, I missed you. A lot.” Knowing Zack, he probably thought she had left him without a second’s thought to what consequences it might have had, but that was far from the truth. Zack had been her best friend since they were toddlers, and going from seeing him literally every day to not at all had been tough on her too. It had ultimately been her choice though, so she knew she had to make this right. Somehow.

“I owe you an explanation. And I don’t really have a good one, but- if you want, I could try?” It wasn’t like she had expected him to jump in joy at the sight of her, but she had definitely hoped. But no, she had a lot of making up to do – that was clear – before she earned a smile from him.

Zack heard the door shut behind him, and he couldn’t help but flinch ever so slightly, feeling like an animal getting trapped by a much bigger and scarier hunter. Except that he was supposed to be that much bigger and scarier hunter because he wasn’t the one who fucked up, he wasn’t the one who ruined everything they had built up over 13 years - yet he was scared of that confrontation. All he had wanted to do was bring that damn shovel over and go back home, maybe shove a bit of snow up his brother’s face, and do everything that had nothing to do with what he was doing at the moment.

He stood a few feet away from the couch where Iris was now sitting, wearing that stupid afghan, and his stupid shirt that was still stupidly big on her, and her stupid underwear and- God, did his teenager version even know what a lucky bastard he was. Yes, he had always thought he knew that, maybe he hadn’t let Iris known enough. He glanced down on the empty spot beside her, back up, and back down, confused. He was more than uncomfortable standing there, and he wasn’t going to get even more than uncomfortable sitting beside her.

As Iris talked, Zack avoided looking at her, he didn’t need her to know how much her words - hearing that she missed him - hurt. It was what he had wanted to hear, years ago, when he wanted nothing more than her back, but not anymore. Or so he had assumed, judging from the way his heart raced inside his chest, he wasn’t so sure anymore. “Uh, actually- actually, I’m... good, yeah,” he said then, trying not to stutter too much as he walked around the living room, busying himself with looking at the pictures on the walls. An old one of him and Iris, dressed up to the nines - his parents had the same one hanging around till he had glared at it long enough for them to take it down. Great. He turnt away from the pictures, looking for any other possible topic he could talk about, “So, uhh, how are your parents doing?”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

The silence from him was probably worse than anything, just watching him take her in and realize that it was actually her, and not some optical illusion. It hurt, seeing him in such disbelief at seeing his own girlfriend – ex? They had never officially broken up. But of course he had every right to, considering how long it had been, and the fact that she hadn’t let him know when or why she left, or when or why she came back. It was a mess she wasn’t really prepared to talk about, but having him here and seeing the way he reacted, she knew she had to do something.

“H-hey-” she managed to stutter out when he seemed to make a move to leave, and she had to take a breath to make sure she stayed calm. “Hey, can we- I mean… do you have to go? Can we… can we talk?” She had no idea what she would say, or if he’d even give her the time of day to say anything in the first place, but the thought of seeing him leave now and knowing he would probably avoid the Blanchard house like the plague, she couldn’t let him go. She had to fix this somehow, in some way, and while she had hoped she’d have more time to prepare for it, she also knew that she couldn’t let him out of her sight just yet.

“I’m- um, I’m alone home. Mum and dad are at work, so-… if you want to?” She didn’t want to force him, and it was obvious he’d much rather leave and run far away, but she wanted to give him the option at least. Maybe – by some miracle – he’d forgive her and they’d go back to normal. Or – more realistically – maybe they could at least get on somewhat even ground.

The snow scrunched underneath his shoes, as he turnt around, needing to get his eyes off Iris, as he took one step, another step- and then the snow didn’t scrunch underneath his shoes anymore, as he heard Iris’ voice, as he stopped on the second step of the stairs. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand seeing her or hearing her or being around her - he couldn’t even stand being without her, but he had learned to manage over the couple of years that went by. God, don’t let that be all for nothing.

He sighed, his breath visible in the air, and no, for God’s sake no, he didn’t want this at all. He didn’t want to talk with her, he didn’t want to talk about what happened, he didn’t want to hear why she left or where she went or what happeend to her or what great adventures she had endured over the course of four years. “...sure,” he muttered then, shrugging his shoulder as to not make a big deal out of it. They both knew it was, neverless, or well at least he assumed Iris knew it was a big deal to him. But he had also assumed Iris knew that just leaving him like she did would might hurt his feelings just in the tiniest bit.

He moved past her into the house he’d been so many times before. It hadn’t changed much, a few new furniture here and there, but nothing too drastic. Zack ran a hand through his hair, what the hell was he even doing right now, and pulled off his gloves after, taking off his jacket, all the while trying to avoid Iris as best as he could. He was a mess, he was well aware, thank you very much, standing in his ex-girlfriend’s living room, all tired and awkward and clearly uncomfortable in each possible way. “So... ‘sup?”

[zackthompson]

F2F ⇆ 001

[zackthompson]

irisblanchard:

It hurt more than she expected to see Zack’s expression as he seemed to connect the dots and recognized her face. She had expected it to be under more controlled circumstances though, and not out of the blue like this. Her parents hadn’t mentioned anything about the Thompson’s borrowing their snow shovel, but then they couldn’t have known Zack would be the one returning it, and at this time of the day too. “Ah,” she replied shortly, not sure what else to say as she watched him set the shovel down.

At the next question, she swallowed softly as she watched him stare at her. God, he looked so good. While he was easily recognizable, he had clearly grown up a little too. Not much taller than he had been, but his hair looked different, and he wasn’t as chubby-cheeked as he had been when she left. Hot. He looked really hot. That was the word she was looking for, but not really what she should be thinking about right now. It was difficult not to, though. She could only imagined what had gone through his mind when she left, but all she knew was that she had missed her best friend, her boyfriend, a lot. So much so that she had almost stuck her tail between her legs and gone back home during the first week away. 

She had managed to resist though, and it had been… well, years. Years since they saw each other last. She had assumed her feelings for him would have dissipated at this point, but her heart was racing just as much as it had used to when she got to be around him when they were younger. Now partly out of fear too though. She was happy to see him, but she wasn’t so sure he shared the same feelings in return. “… Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

Hearing Iris’ voice, even just for these few words, words that were so unimportant and didn’t hold any meaning at all, it was what brought him back to reality. Her voice was something so familiar, he was able to recall it even after all these years later, and yet now that he heard it again there was something new, unfamiliar to it. It made him realize how much time really had passed since they last saw each other. They weren’t teenagers anymore, they weren’t in school anymore and life had gone on for both of them.

“Wow...” he muttered then, and it was all so unreal, so completely and utterly ridiculous, and might as well be taken straight out of one of his dreams that he couldn’t help a laugh escaping his lips. It wasn’t funny, none of this, and yet it felt like a really bad joke. Iris, who had disappeared all these years ago when they were so young and when he was so damn foolishly in love with her, without a warning, without any note of where she was going, without a goddamn nothing, stood there right in front of him, on her parents’ porch, wearing his stupid old shirt like it was the most obvious thing in the world for her to wear - and he wasn’t supposed to think this was a joke?

It made him wonder how long she had actually been back, if her parents had known where she was all along, if his parents had known she was back, if she ever considered texting him, calling him, giving him any sort of something to work with. But he couldn’t ask that, and he wouldn’t. Instead he ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit that he’d picked up on when he wore his hair longer in school, and huffed out another laugh, “I’m sorry.”

He looked her up and down one more time, or well, he tried to keep it by one more time, but how could he when she was still the most beautiful girl he’s ever come across. “I’m gonna go. Thanks for the shovel. Merry Christmas and all...” he muttered then, the amused tone all gone.