First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I'm running away again. I'm running away like I'm ruthlessly slapped by the hand of rationality. Yes, you're sweet and romantic but I deserve so much more than the illusion you're trying to paint in my head with words I've grown accustomed to. Such sweet words that do not possess a life of their own, bereft of the possibility of future realization. Somehow, they're just fragments of a promise, a hushed sound of uncertainty but were nevertheless uttered to feed the speaker's fancy. I'm yet to fall into such a romantic machination coming with the love bug crawling over my blanket. You have the audacity to say you love me but that's all. I've been waiting for the things that you will do to make me feel that that love is real and you're feeling it with every breath that you take.
Love, love isn't just words you can say. It isn't just something I can believe in a dazed mind. It's so much more. It's a commitment that binds people for eternity. A sacred vow to hold two hearts together. It's not a game ought to be played. Not a fire that can easily be extinguished by tanks of water. It's not pupils dilating or tongues sprinkled with deathly dose of fructose, or a vision of the moon getting bigger in a glance. It's a chance, a one in a million chance. A risk someone has to take willingly for no reason at all. And ours are just words you managed to weave to fill the vast spaces between us. Words I can't simply take for they lack justification. And words without justification are merely claims, pieces of alleged information that lack merit. You're sweet and gentle and kind. But deadly. Deadly because you make me wanna fall without any assurance as to where I stand in your life. What am I to you to begin with? Just a girl you can show to everyone like a trophy? Someone who walks and sits beside you so you won't be alone in a crowd? You haven't defined the role I am playing. But I am playing it anyhow, though I am always scared of breaking my heart yet again. So before this gets deeper, I have to run away.
I'm sorry.
-Undefined,
Katie, 21:00
