Zatch Novak

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[Private]

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Look who’s finally grown a backbone.

[zatchnovak-blog]

Fuck. You.

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[Private]

Guess who has court Monday morning…

[zatchnovak-blog]

A, I know. I’m the one that bailed you out of jail. B, you’re an idiot. C, if you skip out on court, I’m going to whoop your ass. D, you do realize they’ll probably do a drug test and blame the drugs, if they haven’t already, right?

[gracecardinxl]

Haven’t you learned by now that I’m going to continue my not funny jokes, even more so now, for the mere fact that you don’t laugh. You could become famous off my torturing you. Worked for Eminem, right?

Such smart men. Summer break will be here before you know it.

[zatchnovak-blog]

I don’t think him and I had the same caliber of torture, mom, but thanks for comparing me to a rapper that’s no longer rapping.

Gee thanks. Trust me, I’m counting down the days.

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[Private]

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What?

[zatchnovak-blog]

Nothing... Never mind.

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[Private]

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Well its not like its a new thing. His mother and I will know now.

[zatchnovak-blog]

And no “thank you, asshat” to the tattletale?

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[Private]

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His mother has to know this, they would of called her. Why was I not informed? Your brother isn’t an idiot, he just tends to get himself into stupid trouble.

[zatchnovak-blog]

They couldn’t reach her. They couldn’t reach you, either, but then again, Zane did purposefully give them the wrong phone numbers. Stupid doesn’t begin to cover it.

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[Private]

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Please tell me you’re kidding…

[zatchnovak-blog]

Nope. He got arrested because some girl cried rape when he wouldn’t commit. Dana was going to get him out on bail but she was tweaking so she sent me to do it. He’s out now but you told me to tell you whenever he got into trouble. I told you he was an idiot.

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[Private]

It’s a Saturday night, and it’s more slower than I have ever seen it.

[zatchnovak-blog]

It might have something to do with the fact Zane is in jail.

[gracecardinxl]

I mean, when you first came out I was concerned. But then I remembered your Dad’s baby pictures and figured you’d grow up to be an alright lookin’ kid. Again, joking.

Hell yeah, just as long as you’re still going to be able to pass your classes.

[zatchnovak-blog]

So funny, I forgot to laugh. Excuse me while I cry to my therapist in a dark, desolate corner about how my mother emotionally abused me.

Dad had the same concern, which is why I’m only doing weekends for the time being.

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Zatch Novak - Moodboard 1/?

“Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”

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Not right now, no. If you’re brother is in trouble Zatch, you’re not obligated to help him. Yes, you’re a good brother to him, he is all you have, and will forever be your brother, no matter what, but when he’s in situations like this, you need to get him help, you can’t always be the one to do so. Yes, I’ve heard his jokes, and he better refrain from making this joke real.

[zatchnovak-blog]

Statistically speaking, he could already have a child out there or somebody could’ve gotten an abortion because of him. Something like 21% of women have an unplanned pregnancy within the first year of using a condom but that’s only if you’re talking typical condom use. If you do it right, it’s only about 5% but I imagine he hardly ever does it right. 

[gracecardinxl]

I was joking. Please don’t ruin that beautiful mug with metal. 

Speaking of, did you talk to your Dad about that?

[zatchnovak-blog]

Of course you’d think I have a beautiful mug. You’re my mom. I’d be concerned if you didn’t feel that way.

I did. I’m going to start out as a bus boy.

[gracecardinxl]

That just warrants me to tell you about it. Oh come on, don’t you think your Dad would love it if you walked in with a few rings through your lip?

[zatchnovak-blog]

Creating waves is more Zane’s thing... Besides, if I happen to become a server at the restaurant, I won’t earn nearly as many tips and tips make the world go round, so to speak.

[gracecardinxl]

I think everyone in TO wanted their nose pierced today, just in time for allergy season.

[zatchnovak-blog]

I said I didn’t want to know but thanks anyways. You’re just adding to the long and growing list of why I’ll never get a piercing.

[gracecardinxl]

I think I’ve had my finger in more noses today than the amount of times I’ve caught my son with his finger in his nose.

[zatchnovak-blog]

I’d ask but I don’t think I want to know.

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I know, I know, and it was just a silly thought, I doubt I could actually tear myself away from getting rid of the cable.  I would keep the cooking channel, obviously.  It’s a great channel, and so many different kind of cooking things are on it!  The travel channel is great as well, so much on there. Yes, I know, he’s the reason you started walking so quickly, you didn’t exactly even crawl, you wanted to be near him every second you could, so you learned to walk, more so run I guess.

[zatchnovak-blog]

So, just to be clear, you’re not getting rid of cable, right? He was a great babysitter and now, I’m repaying the favor. I just never thought he’d get into this much trouble... I don’t mind covering for him and holding his head up in the bathroom but like, it’s exhausting. He constantly jokes around about it and sometimes, he jokes about getting girls pregnant. He’s nowhere near emotionally or mentally fit enough to have a child. It’s not a joke but then again, he doesn’t take anything seriously. 

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That’s why I’m debating on if we really need the thing. Your mother is obsessed with Netflix, and she has downed me into it with her, so I see no reason to really have the thing anymore.  But than again, it will only be some kind of space taker upper.  Zane needs to realize you can’t always be there for him.

[zatchnovak-blog]

But the Puppy Bowl. I mean, if you really want to get rid of it, go ahead. It’s not like I pay the bills. I wish there was a package that had only one channel. If that was the case, I’d choose Animal Planet and I bet I could afford it, too. I’d have it exclusively in my bedroom and if you guys wanted to watch the Puppy Bowl with me, I’d totally let you. Zane won’t ever realize it because I’ve spoiled him and idolized him from the time I was in diapers. Stopping now would only break his heart and I won’t be the guy that breaks his brother’s heart.