~Jennaya Day~

Taking Step by Step with Him.

[zealousforallthings]

Jesus, my heart hurts.

Love is patient love is kind.... I have not experienced those 2 things in it self when it comes to Love. Sometimes I wonder what your plans are for me when it comes to my life partner. Jesus, I have seen all those virtues in you but you are in the men that are around me. Why do I not see your venues in them? Your ways are higher than my ways and I trust you there are just times like these where I wonder. I dream. That I don't know if I know him. But man right now it's been hard being the holidays and all. Jesus, I trust you. My heart hurts.

[zealousforallthings]

I am living here in this place where I don't know how I feel. But I am feeling. I hate every way it feels. How does one just let go. When they stay in your heart forever.

[zealousforallthings]

It's Been a Journey. Hurts and pains no longer hold me. Jesus died and rose so that I may do the same. Oh, Jesus, I have! This Earth is temporary, but while I am here, Jesus is welcome to have Heaven flow through me! That is what Easter is all about! Around this time of year I am reminded of this fact, from a dear friend and from the gospel truth of Jesus. I am thankful for both. "Preach, Pray, and Die at any moments notice" ~ Vanessa~ said often, I would hear her say this saying and I trembled in fear. I never thought I would be able to live out that fantastic evening fearless life. I trembled and stuttered every time I had a mic in my hand let alone talk in front of a small group of people. But boy golly Jesus has made it possible for me! I made the choice to let Jesus flow through my mouth at anytime at any moment. Thank you, Vanessa, for being one of my greatest examples, friend twin, and youth pastor I have ever had (I have had a lot of youth pastors). The dream I had about you my twin, is coming so true. You left some great people here that miss you bunches. You will live through all of us;) April 13th, 2015, You and your beautiful baby boy and Funny amazing Husband went to spend eternity with Jesus. But everyone of your close ones have a character and personality, of all of you, living inside of us. The Jesus you know... I think all of us are figuring out this Jesus you know, making all of you, still alive in our lives. My favorite Heavenly Family. Love, ❤️ the one you cheer on

[zealousforallthings]

‪My heart aches tonight. I miss her.‬ ‪I am living the way you taught me Vanessa. "Preach, pray or die at any moments notice." I never thought in all my days that I could ever do that. I thought that I was too lost too broken to ever preach in front of anyone. But Vanessa, you sure taught me well. I could be myself with you. It sucks that you aren't around. I wish you could see me. I wish we could be on a team preaching together, laughing and never being afraid to make a fool out of us. But I sure miss when I got hurt how you built me back up again. I miss you so much. I can't be your twin with out you. I don't want to remind people of the fact you are gone and they are stuck seeing me and not you. Come back. We miss you. I miss you! God, give her this message‬, please.

[zealousforallthings]

This picture is a screen shot from a video that I saved on Snapchat that Kasey Sent me. It was a time where I was put into the most broken parts of my life. Where shame, pain ran rapid and my heart had no where to go but in a pit of despair. I was singing a jar of hearts by Chistina perry. I was so tan from the summer! The darkest I will ever get. This picture captured the start of a brand new me where I would never think I would be where I am at today.

[zealousforallthings]

1 John 4:

11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

[zealousforallthings]

People are all around me 24/7. But I long to connect with all of them. To talk to people with out them getting scared or think I am too forward. I am a open book. You ask me anything and I will try my best to answer truthfully and authentic to me. I love Adventure and Life! Life with Jesus is the Greatest one of all! Let barriers fall to the ground and communicate to build bonds that will last forever. I am a connector. Someone who loves to gather people and get everyone to know all. Oh, and enter into the Holy of Holy's. One day, Connecting to people and to Jesus will be the natural to me. Right now it's a bit of a struggle. But Gods done a good work in me. I see the difference. I can go all by myself and not be afraid to talk to a random stranger and make them laugh. I just see room for improvement. God increase in me! Let me be the ultimate Connector for people who Don't know you and to conduct your Presence everywhere.

[zealousforallthings]

[zealousforallthings]

My Prince Will Come

Right now I don’t want a man who will play the part of wanting to be my Husband. My mind no longer has the stupid lie that I will settle for someone who is fun but has no feeling. He needs to have the same dreams or has to be in love with Jesus and knows what the difference between right and wrong! I know what manipulation is now and when people are not authentic! I want the realness of Jesus! I don’t want Drama. I want true authentic romance between me Jesus and my husband one day. I want to be able to speak life and support my husband and he do the same for me. Jesus and I agree that the man next(my husband) will pursue me when Jesus says I am ready. That our relationship will grow and he will be everything on my list and more. So right now God says seek relationship. Don’t isolate yourself! And love everyone as he loves. So WARNING, Men who are interested. I won’t be ready to even date for a very long time. YEARS, if you are willing to wait, then fine. But I won’t date you if you aren’t my husband.

[zealousforallthings]

Seeking the Fullness of God is not living life boring and stale. It is living life on a sold Rock, never to waiver. I reject the Old and live in the newness of the Jesus that took that old crap away! So I can live a life Solid.

[zealousforallthings]

Taking time to be alone, sounds like a great thing to some people. For me, it’s a nightmare. When I am alone I try my hardest to talk to someone, text, social media, and to hangout with anyone! If I don’t get together with anyone I go into a depression state. God reveled to me yesterday that I just need to feel being alone. That I needed the time alone to get Healing and let God speak to me. So the whole day yesterday I watched The Office and read a bit of scripture. I sat on my butt most of the day listening to voices in my head and deciding what is Gods Voice verses what the devil is trying to lie to me. I let God take care of the Lies that were affecting me making me feel depressed. Today, I am ok. I am still going through it. But I am letting God Heal me, mend me, and love me.

[zealousforallthings]

Revelation

What you do in your Secret Life, will be exposed to the light. Soon you stack up so much time it will over flow out of your Heart. The Secret life can be things you do with Jesus in Secret, or the habits you do in Secret. I see the secret life like a Box. First it's empty, then you start spending time and as you are spending time on whatever it is. The Box over flows so much that you can't Keep the top on it anymore. Whether you spend your time on good things or bad. It will be exposed. Trust me.

[zealousforallthings]

I'm ok

Right now... I am doing Good! But sometimes I find myself stuck. But God picks me up in His huge hand Saying "I love you"... Then my whole world is better... Life sometimes goes up and down right now. Constantly I have to remind myself of the Good things in life. So right now I will be honest I am Ok. Cause Jesus picks me up when I get myself down.

[zealousforallthings]

“The pain that you have been feeling can not compare to the joy that is coming.” — Romans 8:18

[zealousforallthings]

"The Joy of the Lord is my strength" Living in Joy is the best plan possible. But right now it's been hard to be Happy. To keep doing life. It's been hard to forgive. I have to forgive daily. Do I want to. No. Do I have to, not really. Should I forgive to heal and let the other person heal. Yes. So I choose daily to forgive

[zealousforallthings]

I want a man who adores me. Who thinks I am special. A man that wants to spend time with me. Who won't take me for granted!... Oh hahaha that's funny. His name is Jesus. Yep I got that:)

[zealousforallthings]

He's not mine. But he might love me still but we might get married. We might not.

Tonight is really tough. I am really hurt. Deeply. My dreams are coming true. They are very awful dreams. That a man that I love very much doesn't love me anymore. He is making love with other women and I am seeing this and he doesn't know. But then the next day comes and he says he loves me.... I keep having this super awful dream. I see it come to life. I am breaking inside. God take this death that's stabbing me to pieces! I don't want this pain anymore. I feel like I am Hanging from a wire by the neck and slowly dying. But death never happens. It's just pure pain poring out of every pour of my body. Take it away!