it's log, log

it's big, it's heavy, it's wood

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day X

Yeah, I quit. I got stuck and the challenges had nothing to do with the goal, I thought I was just signing up for a 30 days of motivation type thing, not a dig into your anxieties type thing. I just want to set a habit and/or goal and do 30 days of the thing. Gonna brainstorm that today. Quitting the “intention inspired” group, I know my own intentions & don’t need to be distracted with other people’s problems or jealous of their successes on my bad days.

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 6

It's an easy one: TODAY'S BRAVE ACT Choose one metric to use that can measure the results of your 30-day goal. The goal is yoga every day. I'm adding it to the daily tracker that I use for morning and evening meds. Either I did it or I didn't and I don't get to lie to myself!

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 5

“ Today, write down all the ways you’ve been telling yourself you are not enough. Thank those thoughts for helping you better understand yourself, and let them go as you say, “I am enough.” 

Heh  - that’s exactly what I was trying to do earlier! I have fears and flaws and anxieties and limitations - but it doesn’t make me a bad person. These are just qualities that I learn to live with and am gradually learning to change. 

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

How would I define feeling ‘enough’ as it relates to me personally?

Why do my voices of ‘not enough’ exist? What are they trying to tell me?

How can I grow by spending time listening to these voices?

... I'm just too down at the moment to answer these. Just checking in to say so will have to be good enough.

[zenji404]

Brave ... Pre-Challenge Thoughts

Day 5 ... I'm having whole-body panic attacks for the first time in a while. I know it's situational and I have to deal with the stuff ... But I'm so flooded with the fight or flight response I just want to sit, write, do deep breathing, stretch ... I am taking an extra klonopin this morning, I hate doing that but it's better than disappearing into my bed all day. I'm feeling so very far from brave but at least I'm being honest with myself.

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 4

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS A past moment that left me feeling powerless or afraid … the night K- walked out. I get a lot of reminders of that feeling whenever the current situation escalates. He accuses me of trying to control him but it's not about that. How can I let go of that limiting past experience based on what I now know? Well, the current situation is different because the previous one happened. I am trying to more cautiously enforce some basic boundaries we can agree on, and trying to work out more areas of agreement. Specific enough things that I can be reasonable but firm about defining the rules and boundaries. We're improving a bit; I got a heads-up before they left, about where they were going, and wiil try to be back by 10, or soon after because it's on the driver's timetable, so okay, that's reasonable. And that's it, I'm not asking for much, it's not a punishment or control to want to know what's up.

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 3

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS One of my greatest strengths has always been …​ the ability to reason, and also hear another side and be willing to admit when I'm wrong. One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge … is dealing with issues badly on my own and not asking for help when I'm in over my head.

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 2

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPT Staying committed to my 30-day goal is important to be because …​

The best thing I can do for myself or anyone else is to take good care of myself. My biggest problems include laying around too much, not being active or getting outside, not communicating effectively, and procrastinating and general self sabotage. It sucks when I realize I’m failing at so many of these, especially the ones that have to do with the kid. Practicing meditation is so key during this stage - so much feels like it’s in transition - I’m trying to figure out what else to do with “life after parenting”. 

[zenji404]

my "thingy" - Tiger's Eye - Courage, Strength, Creativity - Tiger's Eye combines earth and sun to create a grounded energy that assists in accomplishing goals, recognizing inner strengths and overcoming obstacles. It unites concepts and ideas with practical solutions, helping one make their dreams come true. I don't necessarily believe stones contain special powers but I do like the idea of using objects as reminders. This bracelet reminds me of a happy time with my sweetheart, and motivation to focus more on the future than the past.

[zenji404]

Brave Challenge Day 1

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPT What was the seed that inspired you to start this 30-day challenge?

Serendipity, I found it at the right time, feeling a need for some structure, goals, better sense of direction as I feel so all over the place. Part of the problem I know is a fundamental disconnect between the things I focus on vs the things that should be important. For example, holding on to old ways of avoiding instead of re-learning to live in the new normal.

So as for today’s challenge, I choose my favorite bracelet as a focus for defining my intentions. Part of my problem is I have too MANY intentions, and then I can’t possibly fulfill them all. So what are really my truest desires and intentions, as I revisit and redefine them? The big ones are to get the parenting stuff better, to be more honest, more organized, healthier, and confident, to procrastinate less and get more done, to feel at home in my home, and connect with people better. I believe I'm capable of all that and much more, but that's enough for day 1.

[zenji404]

Don't greet me with you gonna

Say hi and let me put my shit down Maybe if you look at me and listen You’d understand before even asking My sigh and tired eyes are your answer And save “you gonna?” for another time Perhaps instead, “are you okay?” Because “you gonna” when I’m tired Is just gonna be irritating And “you gonna” if I’m already irked Is really gonna get on my nerves Just a moment of “how you doing?” Or say hi and keep doing your thing

Next time spare us all this foolishness Just let me walk in the door say hi And put my shit down.

[zenji404]

LIVE A LITTLE!

[zenji404]

So many gay in college