Zero's Training Simulation
Tw/ self harm implications
Zero tumbled to the ground as a loud buzzer sounded and a red X flashed in the air.
“You missed…” Zim said quietly, sitting next to a control panel.
“I know, I know I missed…” Zero hissed, picking himself back up and deactivating his suit. “Run it again.”
“Yes! Run it again!” Zero repeated.
“Zero, you've been at this for two weeks, don't you think it's time for a break?” Zim suggested.
“Zim, just run it again.” Zero planted his feet and brandished the knives.
“You're not going to beat it, it took Tak years to beat it,” Zim pointed out.
“I'm better than her!” Zero hissed.
“Please take a break, just for fifteen minutes…”
“I can't! If I fucking can't do this, I'll lose! I'm not going to be good enough! I'll never be fucking good enough!” Zero gripped his hair.
Zim tried to speak. “Ze-”
“This is all I'm good for and I can't even do this right! I'm going to beat this stupid fucking simulation if it kills me!” Zero's hands were shaking.
Zero glared at Zim, not thinking before aiming a knife at Zim’s neck “What?!”
Zim recoiled against his chair.
Zero blinked, then realized what was in his hand and what he was doing. He inhaled sharply and dropped the knife, taking several steps back.
Zim stared at the knife as it clattered to the ground.
“I'm sorry…” Zero said in-between shaky breaths. “You're right, I need a break…”
Zero swallowed. “Wh… why don't we both go to our rooms for a bit? Better yet, we're done for the day.”
Zim nodded quickly and hopped off the chair. “Good idea. I have some things I want to do anyway.”
“Yeah, don't let me keep you…”
Zero inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. Then he picked his knife up again, went to the control console, and pressed the button to restart the simulation.
The lights dimmed and holograms of three faceless irken Invaders surrounded Zero.
Zero jumped as they attacked, activating his suit to give him a boost off the ground. In a quick flurry of motion, the holograms followed him, striking from different sides.
Zero did his best to weave in and out of the PAK legs, blocking all of the hits at first and delivering a few himself. He got one of the holograms in the chest, deactivating it. Then the last two cornered him. This is what happened last time…
Zero tried again to fire at them both, killing one and almost killing the other, but he missed and the other irken stabbed him with a PAK leg hologram. It did not hurt him in real life, it just meant he failed again.
Zero ended up on the ground as the air flashed a red X and a buzzer sounded again
“Fuck!” Zero screamed. He readjusted his knives and deactivated his suit. “What is wrong with you! No wonder you can't keep anyone around!”
His head swam with self hate and fear, he shook his head and grabbed at his hair to try to calm down.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up…” Comments of people from his past played on a loop in his head, drowning out reality. He stumbled.
He happened to glance at a mirror hanging on the wall. He had not noticed he was crying, but there were obvious tear streaks down his cheeks.
He growled and ran to the mirror, taking it off the wall and then smashing it against the ground. Glass scattered everywhere as a semi satisfying crash filled the room.
“You're a piece of shit, you know that?!” Zero screamed at the glass shards. He could see himself in one of them.
“Yeah, I know it. Doesn't mean I want to be…” Zero answered his own question. “Well it doesn't matter what you want, what matters is what you are! I don't know who I am!” Now he was invested in a conversation with himself.
“You know who you are, you just can't face it! No, that's not true. Yes it is, you know good and well who you are. Fuck off!” Zero stomped on the glass shard. He felt like he was going insane. “You're a Membrane! You can't escape it! No matter how many times you change your name, no matter how many times you change how you look, you're never going to be able to look in the mirror and not see a Membrane!”
Zero screamed again and activated his suit to fire lazers at the remaining glass shards.
“Leave me alone!” Zero grabbed a potted plant and threw it across the room. The pot shattered and the plant suddenly sprouted a huge tangle of vines and roots, spreading out along the floor.
Zero flinched and backed away from the plant, breathing heavily.
The plant went still. Zero approached it slowly then grabbed one of the vines. He gritted his teeth before ripping it off of the plant, which sent a surge of sharp pain from his hands to his shoulders, like someone had cut a long gash all along his arms, even the robotic one.
Did he like the pain? No. But it was better than feeling numb. Plus it seemed to help ground him. He shivered from the pain and dropped the vine, which squirmed away from him before it died.
Zero deactivated the suit and let himself fall to the ground, waiting for the pain in his arms to fade. It would be a minute or so. He curled up as small as he could on the ground and put his arms around himself. Slowly, more tears flowed out and he continued to shiver. Before long, his quiet sobs were the only thing audible in the room.
He hated himself. And he hated hating himself.
dededos
prguitarman
origamiaround
discoholicmusic
janainaart
kaledo-art
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear
