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Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

TW: Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse / Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, Psychological Manipulation, Forced Marriage / Lack of Consent, Pregnancy Trauma, Mention of Abortion, Toxic Parenthood, Parent-Child Abuse, Depression, Death of a Parent, Mental Breakdown, HEAVY ANGST.

When war ends, peace is supposed to prevail or so people think. But in Charles Choi’s world, there is no particular chronology to how things unfold. If he wants something, whether it means killing his friend Gapryong or sacrificing his wife and children, then it will happen. So when Eunha decides to marry him, the first fracture in that fragile peace comes when James is brutally beaten by Charles. The second comes when he watches, dejected, as Crystal stands there. The third… and then so on. Or did it start way before? But when things hurt this deeply, where do people go?

“Congratulations, man… a playboy like you could marry? Who would have thought?” Gapryong patted Charles’ shoulder.

Jinyeong, Tom, and Baekho were all gathered around Charles… the marriage of Charles and Eunha was a pleasant surprise to all since the war had ended 7 years ago, and rebuilding and reconstructing life had been just as draining as the war itself… but Jinyeong… Jinyeong had different thoughts.

He wasn’t sure that the second-in-command of the Liberation Corps, that person who had fought side by side with him long before he joined the Fist Gang, was marrying Charles Choi…

Was Eunha alright?

🥀

“It’s been 7 years, huh?” Jinyeong said as he met Eunha one last time before she got married.

“Captain, next you will get married,” she told him.

“I still have my youth ahead, and I won’t marry until I get a nephew or niece,” he teased.

Jinyeong, in all honesty, wasn’t here to do small talk with Eunha… he wanted to tell her that if she changed her mind… that if a part of her was unsure, she could rely upon him and call things off without ruining the camaraderie of everyone…

On that note, camaraderie hadn’t been that great…

Whenever he went to Gapryong’s home, he failed to meet Minseon’s eyes… did she know that Gapryong already had a son…?

She looked so exhausted.

“Captain!” Eunha’s voice broke Jinyeong’s thoughts.

“Yes?” he said.

“It will be alright. You should look after your sisters… I am gonna be okay. Charles will look after me.”

Eunha said that, but then she did something out of the ordinary, something not usually done…

He noticed that gesture, her hand resting over her stomach.

Maybe those were nervous ticks.

This was the last time he met Eunha before she married, unbeknownst to him that the war ending wasn’t the start of peace…

It was when things began to crumble within.

He bid her goodbye, unable to say what he wanted to say…

He would regret it till his last breath.

🥀

Eunha almost threw up…

Almost.

It was an unconscious habit now to caress her belly.

How could she be so foolish?

Captain Jinyeong was a doctor now… even if he wasn’t a gynecologist, it was simple instinct to figure out…

That she was pregnant.

It had been 8 weeks. 8 weeks since her life changed. 8 weeks to realize who Charles actually was.

Abortion was her first instinct.

But Charles somehow figured out she was pregnant and told her parents that they were in love and going to marry.

Without her consent. Without her say.

He simply decided.

Even then, she decided not to continue with the pregnancy but something, something in her…

The scars of war told her that maybe she should keep the baby.

That maybe if someone like Charles, even if it was a careless mistake on her part to indulge…

After war, it felt like a bloom of hope.

A life growing inside her.

She was afraid. She wasn’t ready.

Being a mother wasn’t something she envisioned.

She saw how many kids got orphaned.

The Yamazaki would retaliate again. What if she died and left her child like that…?

But what if she loved and got to live peacefully with Charles, maybe?

Maybe he did want a family.

Maybe what they did truly meant something to him.

Hope is a dangerous thing.

🥀

The signs were there, but soon Charles’ father’s business dwindled.

It wasn’t because of any economic fluctuations…

It was more so because the news of Charles’ father being in contact with the Yamazaki when they were in Korea didn’t hold a good reputation.

Eunha was okay with it because Charles decided that they should live far away from the capital city.

Far away, where they could build something new.

He was a hard worker, and he ensured that her pregnancy was smooth.

With money tight and her diet requiring extra attention, she began to cut corners…

To save little by little.

Meanwhile Charles went around doing menial jobs until one day they decided to open a shop.

A small shop.

And Charles was good with business.

“We will name it Eunha Supermarket,” he said as Eunha stood by his side, now 7 months pregnant.

“You really want to avoid the Yamazaki so bad, huh?” Eunha retorted.

It would be too much to expect that this was an expression of love from him…

Or if it was just convenient for him to use her name.

“Whatever makes you happy,” he simply said.

Of course, he wasn’t exactly the romantic type.

He wasn’t any type.

Eunha was sure of that.

Maybe she was just happy that he was loyal and never had a wandering eye…

Given how Gapryong Kim’s wife had to live.

But then the dull ache in her heart when she discovered how Jinyeong’s elder sister, Seonhui, had such a lovely husband…

It was merely hormones messing with her.

She was content with this.

Content with this life.

As long as her baby was healthy and growing fine…

She was okay.

🥀

“He will not have my last name.”

Charles declared.

Eunha was bewildered and furious at the same time.

What did that even mean?

“He is our son, Charles!” Eunha said.

It had been a week since she returned from the hospital.

The name was settled.

James.

But Charles again, without her consent, without discussing things with her, filled the information on James’ birth certificate as James Lee.

Not James Choi.

“He is a reminder of a mistake, Eunha,” Charles said bluntly.

“What?”

James, only a week old, was blissfully sleeping in his cot.

Unaware of what his parents were saying. Unaware of what was happening.

But when he heard the loud shouts of his dad and his mother’s wails, his sleep broke.

James began to cry as well.

The voice of James’ wails stopped the fight between Charles and Eunha.

Eunha couldn’t believe it…

Charles simply didn’t give James his last name to remind her how careless she was to have sex prior to marriage, to end up getting pregnant carelessly…

That giving James his last name was only going to be bad for him.

Since if anyone got to know that he was Charles Choi’s son, they would come for his blood.

For sure.

Eunha wasn’t convinced by the prior parts, but when Charles mentioned that James might be targeted because of Charles…

She felt disrespected yet found some comfort in that fact.

Did she contribute nothing in the liberation of her country?

Was she now only reduced to a mother?

Didn’t she also go toe to toe with her comrades and fight the Yamazaki?

Tears began to prick her face.

She just had one thing to say.

So she shouted.

“I got it.”

But Charles…

Charles looked at her with even more disdain, and his eyes went to her stomach.

“Instead of throwing tantrums, try to get fit again… it’s both for you as well as for him.”

He said, and his irritation doubled as James cried even harder in the next room.

Babies were annoying.

Once James grew up, he had to make good use of him being a boy.

Bitterness was an understatement.

Perhaps disgust?

Or perhaps nothing at all…

Eunha felt nothing.

When she went to James’ cot and held him closer…

She felt nothing. She tried to soothe him. Coo him back to sleep.

She felt nothing.

Or maybe she felt everything all at once when James stopped crying and looked so peaceful…

Was she a cruel mother?

She didn’t want to be a mother.

She wanted to run away.

But she didn’t want to leave James.

Years of fighting should have made her stronger, but here she was crying…

She felt pathetic.

And guilty.

Who was she again?

🥀

Crystal was born 3 years later after James’ birth.

This time Eunha herself wanted to have a child since it meant James would have a sibling, and it was good to grow up with one.

But…

Charles barely let James do any normal 3-year-old activities.

He was learning how to be fast.

Faster than anyone.

And Eunha didn’t like the direction Charles was taking him.

“James will bring glory to us all,” Charles always said whenever Eunha intervened in James’ training.

“Crystal will also do that,” she interjected. “But they are not at that age.”

“You know there has been a Yamazaki kid born with UI… you really think I will let James slack his ass off?” he asked.

“He is a kid,” Eunha said.

“And that’s why he needs to start early,” Charles said, eyes dead set.

“You are not going to decide my son’s future,” Eunha stated firmly.

“Our son, sweetheart,” Charles said.

“Not when you decided that cheap trick that day… he is more mine than yours.”

“Fair enough…”

Charles smirked now.

“Very well… I am going to treat the boy just as I would treat any other boy… Eunha Lee.”

The Lee part was stretched.

Too stretched. As if to mock her.

Eunha clenched her fist.

As if she would stand there and tolerate all this…

James was watching this exchange from the tiny gap between the door.

His hands were shaking.

He wanted to run to his mom but why did mom look so tired…?

Why was dad being mean to mom?

And then, he heard soft sniffles.

It was Crystal.

James ran to Crystal’s side of the bed and picked her in his tiny arms.

She was very heavy as a baby.

He swayed her here and there and took her to the garden.

Honestly, James felt like crying after what he had just heard.

But he was a big brother now. He had to be strong. He couldn’t fall apart so easily.

He was 3.

Oh sweet child of 3.

But he decided one thing.

If not for him…

At least for Crystal…

Nothing was going to hurt her like that.

As long as he was on her side.

Sweet child of 3 making big promises.

🥀

“Charles, I will leave if you continue doing this… why does James have bruises on his hands and legs?”

Eunha was getting tired now, tired of the same old argument.

She had just gotten a call from Jinyeong a few days ago that his nephew Daniel was going to start kindergarten soon.

She told him her daughter Crystal would also be joining kindergarten and hoped they could be friends in the future…

And then yet…

Just then it hit her.

What an incredibly bad decision she had made.

Would Captain Jinyeong…? Did he ever see her that way…?

She slapped herself at those thoughts.

He was her captain. Her senior.

And a promising man with a bright future.

She couldn’t just go to him with her kids just because she felt trapped right now.

She muffled her mouth a bit when she said goodbye to Jinyeong…

Charles heard the conversation.

He was a miserable man. Almost maniacal.

She didn’t know what was going on.

Did she ever know him?

“Showing your true colors? Where do you even have anywhere to go?” he asked her.

“The shop’s under my name. I think you should go and leave me and my kids alone,” Eunha said.

And then suddenly—

Charles’ hand.

His hand nearly raised, and she flinched.

She could fight him, right?

But she ended up disappointing herself when she chose to retreat into the corner rather than face him.

Her heart was beating too fast.

Charles’ hand came atop her and pushed her to the wall.

Hard.

He didn’t deliberately raise his hands on her.

Didn’t slap her.

He was just showing her…

Her place.

“Eunha, don’t make me do things I don’t wanna do,” he said, before adding—

“Your prince Jinyeong isn’t gonna come to save you.”

Eunha wasn’t going to back down.

No.

She wouldn’t.

So she got up and hurled the nearest thing to her.

James’ schoolbag.

She took it and threw it at Charles.

“I had enough of your bullshit, Charles Choi—”

She said and almost…

Almost was going to strangle him.

Almost.

Until—

“Mom?”

It was James, with Crystal hiding behind him.

James was 8 and Crystal was 5 when they first saw their parents fight....

....

James was 10 and Crystal was 7 when they saw their mom die.

Crystal started to withdraw into herself.

Because not only had she lost her mom…

Her school life wasn’t going great either.

She was bullied but did any of that matter when—

“You should eat,” James said, standing with a bowl of trays.

“Go… I don’t wanna,” she said.

“It’s not a choice.”

James said and leapt on her bed.

“Mom wouldn’t like you starving.”

He said, and with that Crystal immediately got up.

She wasn’t crying, but the lack of life in her eyes was clearly visible.

“…Eat now.”

He put the tray in front of her.

She took the chopsticks and got some rice, but she really didn’t want to eat.

But then the doorbell rang and it was clearly their dad.

So she mouthed as much as she could…

James went to open the door and as soon as Charles entered…

He began to shout at James.

She stopped eating and put all the rice in her mouth with her hand so that the sound of her crying wouldn’t go outside.

It was choking her but she didn’t care.

If the sounds of her cries were heard by Charles…

Charles would probably hit James.

James came later. His ear red.

Crystal knew.

But she didn’t want to inquire.

“Did you finish the food?” he asked.

And when he saw that only the rice was gone and the dishes were there, he scoffed.

“You will not be healthy if you don’t eat,” he said.

“Shut up… shut up… you just got slapped by dad. I don’t wanna be healthy if that’s how it is…”

Crystal shouted.

James’ shoulders shivered.

For a moment…

Just for a moment…

He thought he would break.

But he didn’t when he saw how violently Crystal was trembling.

“Hey…”

He reached out to her side.

She hid herself in the blanket. She couldn’t be a burden to James.

He already…

She thought James left when she heard no movement.

So she wanted to cry again.

First her mom and then

... James began patting her head gently.

Slowly. He started singing softly.

His voice hadn’t yet formed, but it was good.

Nice to hear.

“Nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby…”

He sang while petting her head.

Crystal held onto his voice. She didn’t know when she stopped trembling or when James stopped singing.

But that night, it was a happy dream.

One where her mom cooked James and her something warm.

Something sweet.

It was a good night’s sleep.

🥀

James was 15 and had already started killing and mutilating people.

Crystal was 12 and this was the first time Charles slapped her.

It was the first time as well when she felt so helpless.

So desperate. So useless.

James wasn’t home much.

Charles deliberately put his school far away.

Her friends… Her friends?

She had no friends.

She was having difficulty breathing.

Something…

Something to hold onto.

Something…

She was losing hope.

Should she just die?

James’ singing voice wasn’t helping her either.

Nothing’s gonna hurt you…

She remembered James’ voice and her mother’s face, but the sting of the slap was too bad.

Was she so useless? Did her dad hate her? Would he kill her if she served no purpose?

If she wasn’t as talented as James?

She was losing hope. And slowly losing control of her body.

And when everything seemed to make no sense…

And she collapsed on her bed—

She found the strange thing.

It was someone’s body.

It was…

She collapsed.

Her original body. And then she woke up again.

In the same body she saw.

She had two bodies. The weight of that slap settled now.

Maybe there was a reason her dad slapped her.

She was now more useful.

More talented.

More advantageous.

Wait—

Why was her second body so short and chubby?

Crystal almost died.

That moment.

Almost.

But for Charles…

This was a sign of rebirth.

His daughter had a second body. His time to rule the world was coming.

Crystal was 13 when she got her second body.

James was 16 when he killed Gapryong along with Kitae Kim.

Both were reborn in different ways.

And died in different ways.

🥀

“I have decided to go to J High School,” Crystal told James.

“There are better schools,” he told her.

“Dad wanted it.”

That explained everything to James.

Daniel Park was in that school, and Charles was sending her for reasons he knew.

He had long stopped calling Charles dad.

The first time he got a slap. Second time he got into a physical fight with Charles, but Charles won.

Third time… Charles didn’t win.

But he was proud. Yet scared at how fast James grew in a fight.

His dog. Carefully bred and fed dog. Showing results at last.

James was never a son to him.

“All the best. Don’t stress… and make friends,” James said to her.

“I am not going there to make friends,” she told him, crossing her arms.

“Kiddo, you need friends.”

He told her.

“You also have no friends… oh please, you thought I didn’t know…”

Crystal raised an accusing finger at him.

James laughed.

Truly laughed.

As Crystal started exposing him.

Nothing could hurt them right now.

🥀

Basic law of physics. Whatever goes up must come down.

Charles Choi.

Her father. The man who had ruined everything.

Yet somehow…

The silence hurt.

Her mother was gone.

The warmth of home had died with her years ago.

And James…

James hadn’t come.

Of course he hadn’t. Why would he?

He had suffered far worse than she ever did.

Maybe he hated all of this. Maybe he hated her too.

She laughed bitterly. What a pathetic family.

Mom died trying to protect them.

Charles died chasing power.

James became a monster because Charles demanded it.

And she what had she become?

A survivor?

A coward?

A byproduct of everyone else’s pain?

The tears came before she realized.

Quiet at first. Then violent. Her shoulders shook.

She covered her mouth, trying desperately to stop the sound.

But grief had waited too long.

It spilled out all at once.

“I hate all of you…”

Her voice cracked.

“I hate Mom for leaving…”

“I hate Charles…”

“I hate James…”

It was all silence... Tom and Daniel both have left.

Then, sound of footsteps. Maybe it was Daniel again...

She stiffened and turned.

James stood there.

His face colder than she remembered.

Yet his eyes…

He had come.

Crystal’s expression twisted instantly.

“You didn’t come earlier.”

Silence.

“You weren’t here.”

Still silence.

Something inside her snapped.

She shoved him hard against the chest.

“Where were you?!”

Another shove.

“You never come home!”

Another.

“You leave me alone all the time!”

And another.

Until her fists weakened.

James never moved. Never defended himself. He simply let her hit him.

Finally, she collapsed against him.

Shaking, crying, angry and most of all...exhausted.

James looked down.

Then—

Very softly—

He began to sing. His voice had changed.

No longer the uncertain voice of a frightened boy.

It was deeper now.

Steadier.

But the melody, the melody was exactly the same.

The song from years ago. The song he sang the night their mother died.

His hand slowly moved to her hair.

Gentle and protective.. like before.

“Nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby…”

Crystal froze.

Memories flooded back instantly. Warm kitchen lights. Their mother smiling. Small hands clutching blankets.

James sitting beside her on that old bed.

Protecting her.

The tears came harder now.

James kept singing quietly.

“...As long as you're with me you'll be just fine…”

Crystal gripped his coat tightly.

For the first time in years, she allowed herself to feel safe.

Charles was dead.

The man who had broken them was finally gone.

And James, James tightened his hold around her.

Not a weapon. Not Charles’ dog. Not the legend of the 1st gen feared.

Just her brother.

And without saying it directly, he made her understand.

The promise he had made as a 3 year old child…

Had never changed.

Nothing was going to hurt her anymore.

Not now. Not ever again.

Because now...

He was finally free.

And so was she.

#lookism

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