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This blog is my personal journal and safe space, I do see the problems with that, but I don’t think it’s a real issue.

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Sometimes a useful delusion is better than a useless truth.

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I used to be a misandrist when I was young because of multiple reasons but I’ve realized that self hatred helps nobody and actively prevents me from success. If I really think that I want to help people in this world, I’m gonna have to love myself and my role as a man. I was a very traumatized kid. Hatred of men just felt rational, but it’s self sabotaging. There are good and innocent men that exist. These are the men that should love themselves. But that’s often not the case. It’s usually the bad men that love themselves and the good men that hate themselves. It takes courage and faith to love yourself when the facts refute it. But loving yourself and your story is very important for success. It’s complicated. I’m not saying all men are good. I’m just saying that the good ones should love themselves. I’m learning to love my story. Learning to become obsessed with my story. Learning to care about my future. I truly only want one thing from life: To be in love with someone that loves me. Nobody is gonna love me if I don’t love myself. So I have to love myself if I want love.

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Today’s the big day. Driving lesson at 2pm then road test at 3pm. Nervous as fuck.

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Pretty white girls annoy me, just seeing them annoys me

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Driving lesson went much better today, my mind went blank for a second when I was doing parallel parking but other than that it went well.

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I know I’m not that attractive anymore, its ok, I still have potential, and I have plans to become more attractive, I’m gonna go to the gym and buy new clothes once I buy an suv, everything is on track and by the time this year ends I’ll probably finally try dating apps

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I can’t wait to go grocery shopping in my suv

Going clothes shopping in my suv

Driving to my appointments in my suv

Driving to my friends house to pick him up and go to the beach in my suv

Everything will be better when I get an suv

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I have so many plans and life is gonna be so good in a few months. Everything’s falling into place. I hope I pass my road test. But if things get postponed because I failed, that’s ok, you only lose when you stop trying.

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Last night in the group call my friend said I’m the glue, and wow, I really am, I like that

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I need a hug

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I care

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I genuinely do not give a shit about Grand Theft Auto 6 anymore

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