I knew, I knew the world of tomorrow would not accept me as well

Wilbur or Holly | Any pronouns | 20+ | system/vent blog | Icon and header both from Happppy song by SOOOO

[zzzgrademadness]

Hello. This will mainly be a blog for @catdoingthelaundry to vent at, though Holly may use it sometimes too. It’ll mainly just be about system things and whatnot lol

[zzzgrademadness]

Cool how the people who have made me feel the most seen and wanted and loved end up hurting, betraying, and leaving me. No, yeah, that's cool. Unrelated but does anyone feel the gaping wound grow and grow

[zzzgrademadness]

Ohhh my god I want so badly for someone to look at me. To look at me. And I want them to tell me that I am beautiful, or pretty, or handsome, or...something like that. I want them to tell me that. I want someone to want me. I want someone to want me without it feeling like a trap, or like it could end at any second. God. GOD!

[zzzgrademadness]

Yearning for a partner ahhhh how embarrassing...

I was just thinking...it'd kind of be nice to have a partner that didn't know I was a system. That's kind of a big secret to keep, but...would it even really matter? I'm here all the time, anyway

Hum hum...

[zzzgrademadness]

It's kind of weird to think about how I've now spent more time as myself without my technically-ex-girlfriend than with. God that is strange

[zzzgrademadness]

It sickens me that they're probably talking to their friends who don't know anything and saying how terrible I am. They couldn't even be bothered to stick around and face the music, but somehow, I'm the terrible one? I'm the one that was treating them like shit?

God. It just all feels like it's my fault. I am demeaned and demoralized and disrespected and I bear the sins like the stars in the sky. Whatever. WHATEVER! I'M GOING TO BED

[zzzgrademadness]

I think I have to hope that the people who hurt me are miserable because I cannot stomach the thought that they get to do all of that and move on and somehow think that they were in the right

I'm just. So sick of people getting away with hurting me. But what good would lashing out do? So I just have to hope karma gets them

[zzzgrademadness]

I think something I'd like a lot is for someone to look at me, and see me as desirable, and want to be with me. I think, when it comes to romantic relationships, I'm just tired of having to put in the work. I want someone else to do it, and I want to feel safe enough to have someone else do it

I don't need it. Hardly. But, sometimes, I want it. I do

[zzzgrademadness]

Womp womp

[zzzgrademadness]

On one hand I want someone to be completely and totally obsessed with me. But, also, I find desperation annoying, especially when I'm pestered. So, like, huh?

[zzzgrademadness]

The actual truth is that I know exactly the kind of person I want. It's just that she's gone and probably never coming back. Like, sure, I've moved on and whatnot, but I reckon I'm still allowed to miss her now and again. It's just stronger now especially because it's closeish to our anniversary. Womp womp!

[zzzgrademadness]

On one hand I want someone to be completely and totally obsessed with me. But, also, I find desperation annoying, especially when I'm pestered. So, like, huh?

[zzzgrademadness]

This isn't even that serious of a vent I just don't want to put it on catdoingthelaundry

[zzzgrademadness]

Not EVERY post can be me posting about my blood being wrong. Variety is the spice of life!

[zzzgrademadness]

On one hand I want someone to be completely and totally obsessed with me. But, also, I find desperation annoying, especially when I'm pestered. So, like, huh?

[zzzgrademadness]

This isn't even that serious of a vent I just don't want to put it on catdoingthelaundry

[zzzgrademadness]

On one hand I want someone to be completely and totally obsessed with me. But, also, I find desperation annoying, especially when I'm pestered. So, like, huh?

[zzzgrademadness]

Sometimes it feels like all of the goodness in me got sapped away and spread across our system elsewhere. Sometimes I feel so empty and nothing fills the gap. But lowkirkenuinely it's fine, lol. Lmao

[zzzgrademadness]

Feeling like I want to be alone. Talking to people, or even being around them, feels like a chore. I want to be alone, but I'm never alone. Isn't that funny?

[zzzgrademadness]

Womp womp

[catdoingthelaundry]

Gripping the counter so hard that my knuckles turn white. Whispering to myself "it gets better. it gets better. it gets better."

[zzzgrademadness]

Aaaah, geez...how do we tell her...