rocky

hold out your hand var sc_project=10563930; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0f4fc713";

[heartpeacenquiet]

art: Mac Baconai

[0112lung]

we got a place we got a place we got a place

and it’s in socal

[videofame]

[0112lung]

my kid found a sketchbook i had in 2016. has a suicide note written in it. i was extremely fucking not okay back then. my kid didn’t read the note, he just was drawing his own additions to the book. a very strange juxtaposition for me to experience.

one funny bit in it tho, i wrote “maybe in 10 years ill be a respectable artist” but all the art in it is way better than what i can draw now

[oldshowbiz]

depression dump depressao

[voyaging-too]

It's so important to acknowledge the very real and sometimes truly horrible failings of the healthcare profession and the pharmaceutical industry while never ever ever letting them drive us into the arms of pseudoscientific bullshit. This is something I feel really strongly about.

[0112lung]

my best friend made me a stained glass piece of my cat boxer

i am so enamored with it

what’s funny is we couldn’t figure out a way to hang it but when i got it home, i found it fits exactly snug in my lil window (of my shed where i chill).

[nobrashfestivity]

Ginza Sugiura Hisui, Dog barking at the Moon

[0112lung]

reminds me of

perro de luna by rufino tamayo

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[0112lung]

[0112lung]

i’m okay i am just sick as much as i try to deny it and run from it and change it lol

[nobrashfestivity]

Henri Martin La Pergola (Gloriette), 1920 signed Henri Martin (lower left) oil on canvas 31 ½ by 37 ⅛ in. 80 by 94.4 cm.

[0112lung]

lmao why are they doing this why is it so threatening. like yes thank you i did do that on purpose actually

[nobrashfestivity]

Mo Nong

[0112lung]

i want to die

i should be allowed to walk into the hospital and tell them i want to die and they can use all my organs. maybe skip the lungs tho.

[0112lung]

all i am is depression

[0112lung]

it’s fucking hard to hear your mother using her old sweet voice with your son. i haven’t heard her voice in years and i haven’t heard that voice in decades.

and still i wish for death even tho i know it won’t do anyone any good