Parallels
genre: angst, romance, university! au, mentions of sex characters: reader and Jiwon (Bobby), Ikon, others word count: 2586 summary: Jiwon doesn’t get attached and Y/n knew that.
Part 1/ Part 2
Part 3 First love
Y/n POV
I wanted to hate him with every bone in my body. But I couldn't.
I never thought I would be romantically involved with one of my best friends in this lifetime, specially with him, but the universe doesn't seem to be on my side lately. How did that happened? How can one night can make me fall for Jiwon? Well, at least it started there.
Being with him for the whole month, not as his friend but as something more, really made me happy. He's so kind, so precious. He always was. In these years of friendship, Jiwon was a very good friend, and person, in his own way. He looks careless and relaxed but he's always ready to help the people he likes.
When I first moved in, I was shy and stressed with all the changes that were happening with me and he was one of the most vital people at that moment of my life. Seeing my interest in music, he slowly inserted small talks about it, making me feel more relaxed at the house. Then, seeing how I was always struggling with my money when I first came to this city, he would always share his food with me in discreet ways so I wouldn't notice, but I did.
Yuji and Hanbin came to the picture a bit later, when all of us really connected. But in all this time, he would often take me on walks so we could talk about being homesick since he sensed my troubling feelings. I went to most of his first gigs in town and watched him being happy with the support. He made several playlists throughout this whole time in our stressful school weeks to each of us at the house.
But all this time of friendship, he was just my friend, this really good friend and now he became the center of my thoughts. And I feel so humiliated by everything.
If I aloud myself to think about it...Jiwon was my first love. And understanding that only made me even sadder. I had some people in the past that I have liked and got infatuated but to none of them I've open up so much, none of them knew me so well. It felt silly to be so heartbroken because deep down I knew we were friends with benefits through that small period of time but I still couldn't avoid feeling like this.
I even thought that, in reality, I had no right to be feeling betrayed but at the end, what hurt me the most was the absence of caring, in the lack of a better word. No one is obligated to reciprocate feelings but I think that everyone that cares about the other is obligated to be honest.
I opened my heart to him and he gave me a lie in return.
For some stupid reason I never thought he would do that to me. Like, it's me you know. This house is composed by four people that grew to love each other so dearly and that's why is so hard to hate him. I really wanted because he hurt me.
But I couldn't.
It's been almost a month since we had that dramatic talk in my room and that still hunts us, both of us. My brain likes to trick me to only think about the good moments we had but I force myself to think of what I really think of his attitude towards me was: a shitty one.
I fell in love with him and I'm trying really hard to stop, you know, feeling this way. Still not so successful but I'll get there. Hanbin and Yuji respected our distance, that I clearly asked, and none of this subject was discussed in our house but I can feel how bad is making the environment to be. The air is heavy and I feel like staying out as much as I can, for me and the others, but I don't want our house to be like that anymore.
I feel constantly suffocated by my heart, my travelling thoughts, by everytime he steps his foot in or out of the house, by his scent, by his noises or by the thought of where he's sleeping that night.
I need to breath.
End of POV
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Y/n was walking past the entrance of the campus when she saw Minjun.
"Minjun!"
He looked over his shoulders and gave a big smile "Y/n!"
"How was the test?" she asked.
"I think I went well" he answered and both walked towards their classes building.
"How are you doing Y/n?"
"Uhm, not great" she answered with a sad smile "but I'll get better."
"Did he said something else?"
"No and I didn't let him. I just don't know what to do now."
"What are you feeling?"
"I'm still hurt by the whole thing, about how he lied and dismissed my feelings but I can't hate him and that's bugging me, like, everyday."
"Why can't you?"
"Because he's Jiwon"
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Classes were over and Y/n was back at her job in the library. The only place she felt comfortable on that moment. While she was separating the piles of books and spreadsheets, she found a poetry book and while she turned the pages, she found a small *poem about a broken heart. The beginning was something like,
"You entered the bedroom and fell to your knees. I wait the rest of my life to hear you say, I made a mistake."
She continued reading, with unexpected tears forming in her eyes, until she reached the end of it, that said,
"Occasionally you came in out of the rain and I was glad to have you."
She hold the book in her chest while she wiped, alone in that big room, her sobs echoing. She took that book home that day like she needed to examine it more and maybe understand what that meant to her.
I am hurt and I want to get over him. But I don't want him out of my life.
When she arrived home, she noticed how there was no one there. She grabbed some water from the fridge and headed to her room, enjoying the idea of being alone in there. Sitting at her bed, she noted a folded piece of paper in her stand-table. She grabbed it and opened.
"Hey Y/n, it's me, Jiwon.
I know a handwritten letter sounds very "not me" and believe me, I hesitated a lot before doing this, afraid you wouldn't believe me, but I couldn't find a better way. A text didn't seemed right and I just want the chance to say something before it's too late.
You have all the right in the world to avoid me and distance yourself from me and you don't need me to tell you that. But since I'm trying to be as honest as I can, I need to say that I acknowledge your reasons completely.
What I did, lying to you and being careless about your feelings, was shameful. I don't often get called on my bullshit since I'm so upfront about my intentions but I was a asshole with you and I'm afraid with other people too. So for my behavior, I wanted to say I'm really, really, sorry. I never thought I was this person until you showed me how I was, a asshole.
I'm sorry for harming our friendship, that I cherish a lot. I'm sorry for being a fucking asshole with you. I'd never thought I'd be at this side of the story, as someone who hurt their friend, that hurt you.
I know you hate me and I'm not asking for forgiveness or second chances but I'm being selfish by apologizing and getting this out off my chest.
Sorry again Y/n,
Jiwon."
----------------------------------------------------
She was lying in her bed in her pajamas when she heard the opening and closing of the front door followed by the opening and closing of the room beside hers, Jiwon's room. She got up and put her hands at the doorknob, taking a deep breath before getting our of her room and knocking on his door.
She gave three soft knocks with no answer, so she decided to open it anyway. He was taking his coat, facing his window.
"Jiwon" she softly spoke and he immediately turned her way.
"Y/n" he said, surprised, while shoving his beg off his bed.
"I...I've read your letter. You're right, I've never thought you'd be delivering one for me."
"I thought you'd think that" he gave a small nervous smile.
She was in silent, staring at him for a few minutes with a enigmatic expression.
"I can't hate you, Jiwon" she whispered.
"You should" he said with a sad expression.
"I know, I'm trying, trust me" she responded a sadder one.
"Y/n" he murmured, letting a tear skip.
"But I don't think I can. My broken heart was consuming me but our friendship screamed more than how terrible you can be as my first love"
He couldn't control the sobs after hearing that and she sat in the bed beside him. Both looked at his big window, the larger of the house, coming from the ground to the ceiling. All roommates envied his room but drawing straws needs to be respected.
"I'm so sorry" he said.
"I know. Look, I'll do my best to forgive and forget and you'll do your best to be the Jiwon you used to be with me ok? Deal?"
"Why are you forgiving me?" he looked at her, sincerely asking.
"Because I'm glad to have you in my life and I want to stay that way"
He just looked at her trying to figure out what that meant.
"Ok, I have some conditions though. Are you willing to accept it?"
"Yes"
"Ok, the first one is: you can't never treat me differently. I'm your friend, I want to be treated as your friend and that's it."
"I can do that"
"Second: you'll not hurt me again.Well, at least try harder"
"Yes."
"And third: we're not gonna talk about it, I mean, what happened, my messy feelings, etc."
"You're feelings weren't messy"
"I said, let's not talk about it"
"Ok"
"Then deal"
"Deal."
She smiled, unexpected tears forming. She wiped them off and stood up to leave the room.
"Y/n?"
"Yes"
"Thank you so much for giving me another chance"
She smiled back.
So, like that, they friendship began to flourish again. Days of shy hello's turned into small talks, that turned into movie nights and sharing meals again, realizing almost 4 months have passed.
Jiwon made a lot of effort to be present, be respectful and patient and it all worked out. They seemed to be very close again.
Yuji could barely see any difference then how it was before. Y/n would laugh with and around Jiwon, that would comfortably reciprocate. Their music talks and movie week nights were on again as well as her coming to the record store to see him play. All that discreet tension, like when four months ago Y/n couldn't be at the same room as Jiwon, was completely gone.
Yuji was happy to have her best friends again. They've returned to their usual brightness and joy, a little less Jiwon, that was constantly working in multiple shifts that last month.
Jiwon didn't bring any of the woman he was involved with anymore in the last 5 months and that made him often sleep out at the beginning, which decreased drastically in those last months.
"I think Jiwon is more mindful with girls after all that happened, don't you think?" Yuji asked to Hanbin.
"What do you mean?" Hanbin answered, both not diverting their eyes from the TV screen.
"I mean, he hasn't bought any girl here in like, ages"
Hanbin gave a quick look to Yuji and looked back at the tv. "It's not like that"
"I think it is, I don't think it's only his work" she answered putting her hair in a ponytail.
"Me neither" Y/n said, coming out of behind the couch.
"Oh my god you scared me" Yuji jumped on the sofa.
"Sorry" she gave a shy smile and slided to Hanbin's side.
"I'm sorry I just made a observation" Yuji was a little embarrassed.
"No, I've been thinking about that too" Y/n affirmed, giving a look to both of them.
"Really?" Hanbin looked at her back.
"Yeah, I feel like he's still holding back and to be honest, that's making me a little uncomfortable"
"Why?" Hanbin asked.
"Because I feel like everything is back to normal, after I dragged you all into my drama" she timidly looked at both and than her hands "I feel completely free from him now and I wish he would just, go back to normal too, you know?"
"Maybe he just have other stuff in his mind" Hanbin answered with a serious expression.
"Who has other stuff in his mind?" Jiwon came back from work and inserted himself on the evening couch conversation.
"Oh my god why are y'all like ghosts?" Yuji complained with a racing heart.
"Only when we're gossiping" Y/n answered, giggling.
"You guys were gossiping?" Jiwon asked with a wicked smile.
"Not exactly. It's something I've been meaning to talk to you" Y/n stood up and got a little more serious.
"What is it?" he looked attentive.
"Aren't you going to bring girls here anymore?" Y/n asked, blurting it out like that.
"What?" Jiwon answered with a confused face.
"I'm sorry to intrude like that" Y/n started to play with her hands.
"I don't understand" he continued with a more confused face.
"It's just that, I know you've stopped bringing people here because of what happened but everything's over and buried and it feels weird to me now, I don't know"
"I'm sorry to make you uncomfortable" he answered with a serious tone.
"No! It's just...be the old Jiwon with the girls and going out and stuff and please don't worry about me, ok? I'm really fine now."
"The old Jiwon?" a weird chuckle left his lips.
"Yeah, you know, how you always was. Anyway, sorry for making everyone uncomfortable, i'm going to sleep now, good night" she awkwardly smiled and waved while doing a small run to her bedroom.
Jiwon, at the other side, stood there, with a serious expression on his face, a almost hurt one at the hallway and a few seconds later, he excused himself with a dry "good night."
Yuji and Hanbin only observed the overly awkward interaction. After Jiwon left, Hanbin turned his face to the TV again with a concerned countenance. Yuji stayed quiet, watching TV together with Hanbin until minutes later, when she decided to talk.
"He's weird" she sighed.
"Leave him be" he answered.
She examine his tense face and posture. Why Hanbin looked so nervous surrounding this subject even if it wasn't exactly his subject?
"Are you hiding something from me?" she asked.
"What, Yuji?"
"Is there something you know that I don't know?"
"No, I'm just saying"
"Bullshit, I know you too well. What are you hiding from me, huh?"
"Nothing"
"Hanbin!"
"Shhh, lower your voice, they can hear you"
"I'll not hush until you tell me what you know"
"I can't" he turned his face to her and stood up to go to his bed.
"Haaanbiiin" she grabbed his hands when he got up.
"Yuji!"
"What happened Hanbin?"
"He's in love with her."
"WHAT?"
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* the quoted poem is "Our Many Never Endings" by Courtney Queeney.
Thank you so much for reading it!
