this is a fucking personal blog

[061119920735]

One of my old soccer friends started dating her boyfriend like a few months after Shane and I started dating and I guess they just recently broke up

And I might still have really mixed feelings about my whole relationship with Shane and I’m never gonna deny that him breaking up with me almost destroyed me, but man, am I so glad that we broke up when we did and not later

I don’t think I would have known how to survive if i had gone through most of high school and all of college with him.

[061119920735]

this post from 10+ years ago is even wilder because that very specific friend and her boyfriend got married and then he died in a freak accident and she became a widow at like 32. she'd never even kissed another person. she has a new partner now and seems to be doing okay but it fucked me up for a long time. our lives were parallel for a while and I've survived a lot of things but I couldn't imagine surviving that.

[061119920735]

Some days, I force myself to picture This played all the way out, in the worst possible way. You, crushing my glass heart heart in your first With all the strength I saw and encouraged in you. I force myself, because I need to remember that I am not the girl Who fairytales happen to. I am not the master of my own fate, I am the sub-par guardian of my own self. 23 years, 6 months, 2 days, and so far none of my decisions have turned out to be As good as I imagined them to be. I do not inhabit the kingdom of good judgment, you have watched me make careless and clumsy mistake after careless and clumsy mistake, so why should you trust me when I say it feels different this time? I wouldn’t trust me. I don’t. I pick at old wounds just to remind myself that I am broken, That I don’t deserve the new and shiny and whole. And so I picture this all played out, My heart in pieces on the floor, Sad again like it’s the only thing I know how to be. Don’t get ahead of yourself, girl, You can’t ever let yourself believe that you deserve this.

12/13/15

[061119920735]

Like, if you’re following me it might be because you got caught up in my personal life, it might be because you were interested in my activism. and those things together have culminated in the life and job I have now, and I like sharing that with people, I like being the proof that this work goes on “outside tumblr” and that there are real people fighting for survivors in higher education

But if you at all give a fuck about any of it, my personal wellbeing, my activism, you should be willing to listen when I say I want to strike a balance between sharing that stuff with you and not jeopardizing my well-being. I’ve already had this blog posted to 18+k people in a facebook group. I’ve been posted to tumblr in action 3 times. I was borderline stalked and harassed by someone who very likely could figure out my real name and personal information and could have made my life very very very difficult. 

I’m trying to “be the person you needed when you were younger” for myself, and for all my followers. And that’s why I’m downsizing right now, so I can hopefully keep doing that with as little anxiety and risk to myself as possible. 

[061119920735]

game. It would be nice, but once you post something in a public forum, you 100% have no control over where it goes. You can yell all day and put as many warnings up as you want, but it's kinda moot.

This has never been a “feminist blog” for all that people like to call it that. My posts and my blog always have been vastly, intensely personal. I never tagged posts outside the uconn tag where I was interacting with people I already knew. I wasn’t going around begging for followers, I was just living my life. 

Tumblr could alleviate this with a couple of quick changes to functionality but they don’t want to, but meanwhile folks on tumblr treat every text post as if it’s someone on a stage making a speech into a microphone even when sometimes a text post is a conversation you overhear between friends on the street. And yes, I can and do expect better of people. 

[061119920735]

You can't have a huge, popular feminist blog and suddenly decide that it's a personal blog and say people can't reblog personal posts. Like obviously you can say that, but you already have thousands of randos following you. Those randos probably follow hundreds of other blogs. They're not reading your tags and probably whiz by your warnings. Honestly, anything posted publicly on the Internet is unfortunately fair

and your point is...? 

I’m starting a new blog so you don’t have to worry about my desire for privacy any more. 

[061119920735]

I can’t sleep and my dash on my new blog is dead so I’m gonna write a post about makeup I’ve gotten recently that I like. Sorry if the pictures come out huge. 

1) Morphe Cosmetics 35T Palette- 

I’m usually into pretty neutral eye looks and basically now I never need to buy eyeshadow again with this. The quality is really really good, I think you can use ‘dupethat’ as a coupon, mine was about 22$? GREAT deal

 2) City Color HD Powder

Full disclosure: this came in my ipsy bag so I don’t know how much it costs but it is super smooth, doesn’t show up in camera flash, and it feels really soft on your skin. I even use it to blot matte lipsticks to make them last longer. 

3) Loreal Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation

I don’t have oily skin, and most matte foundations I’ve used have only highlighted skin imperfections, but this is technically ‘demi-matte’(?) and it’s the best of both worlds. It manages to stay on most of the day even though I touch my face a heckton. It’s more expensive than the other drugstore foundations I’ve bought in the past (it was like 13$ at CVS, I am a cheapo when it comes to makeup usually) but its not as liquidy and very full coverage so I think it will last me longer 

4) Maybelline Eye Studio Cream Liner

I’ve tried just about every type of product to get the liquid liner look-- several actual liquids, a pen one, self-sharpening kohl pens, etc. And this is my favorite so far. I don’t have to run around fanning my eyelids waiting for it to dry, but you can still get the dramatic looks. I use it over ELF shadow lock to make sure it stays and it’s stayed through lots of vigorous activity. 

6) Colourpop lippie stix in Lumiere 

This is such a pretty neutral color. It looks a little gray-purply on me, but I have very pale lips. It looks much pinker on other people

7) Colourpop Creme Gel Liner in Overboard

This is such a nice formula and I’m super excited to try all their other metallic eyeliners. 

Hope that helps somebody!!! 

[srabl00d]

it sucks when u have someone on ur mind that u can’t have in ur arms

[honeyproducer-blog]

Next level identity politix in 2016. Disclose every single trauma u ever experienced in ur life along with an itemized list of your mental illnesses and disorders as well as details about your personal relationship to sex in your public social media profile, and maybe just maybe I’ll decide to take u seriously

[afloweroutofstone]

I’m reminded of Matt Bruenig’s criticism of the idea that he calls identitarian deference (ID), “the idea that privileged individuals should defer to the opinions and views of oppressed individuals, especially on topics relevant to those individuals’ oppression.” When writing about the time that Shaun King was pressured into proving that he was black, Bruenig wrote: 

One of the problems of ID is that it makes identity policing necessary. As with any other theory of expertise, ID needs a way to separate the experts from the non-experts. Because ID bases expertise on identity, that necessarily means separating those in the identity from those outside the identity. On the prescriptive political level, identity policing is necessary in order to determine precisely whose ideas should be deferred to and adopted by others…

ID works the most smoothly for identities that are readily apparent. Most of the time, you can tell what someone’s gender and race is just by looking at them. But when the identity is less apparent, or indeed totally invisible, the only way to establish yourself as belonging to a particular identity is by revealing all sorts of private details about your life…

If you want to command ID for yourself on topics related to your invisible identities, there simply is no other way to do it than confess about your life… It’s also a problem because those who are not willing to hash out their personal life to establish their identities can be locked out of the discourse altogether.

[desireavenue]

[demegoddess]

go….. off

they are married to each other like yas fuck my whole life up

[kingdomheartstwo-deactivated201]

i feel like this never has enough info when it goes around so for those curious: this is ayabambi (otherwise known as aya sato and bambi), a japanese dance duo who are in fact engaged in real life and actually did a vogue photoshoot to celebrate the supreme court marriage ruling

theyve been in lots of music videos and adverts and stuff

[061119920735]

So my mom got me this 13" skillet and it's sooo nice and sooo perfect for one pan dishes. I luv it, it's so deep and the perfect shape. Ugh.

[only1600kids]

science side of tumblr:  pufferfish caught in a swirling vortex of bubbles caused by warm and cold water currents colliding

[evilrick-deactivated20181029]

SOMEBODY HELP THEM LMAOO

[kant-deactivated20190908]

let them suffer

[hobgoblinhero]

Bad and naughty fish are placed in the bubble spinner to atone for their sins

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Take them to the SHAME VORTEX

[061119920735]

I just realized that tomorrow is fat Tuesday and I don't know where to buy paczki except big y, which doesn't exist here HALP

[cutestofthecute]

[061119920735]

At least all the years of connects have taught me ways around my dislike of confrontation with students I'm gonna have them all fill out a self-evaluation and then cross check that with my records of what they've done and talk about it in a one-on-one And then have the ones who plan on coming back next year work out expectations for themselves I already outlined more expectations for the new students were recruiting and I'm gonna emphasize that in the interviews so hopefully it won't be a problem for the new ones It's just the couple we have who are only here to boost their resumes are really dragging everyone else down...

[whispering-wasteland]

netflix and stay up all night talking about your dreams and how you wanna change the world and religion and politics and literature and art

[061119920735]

I think the secondary trauma of knowing so many other survivors and hearing their stories and fighting constantly against people who just don't seem to care about sexual violence has been way worse for me than my own traumas and I'm not sure what that says about me. But every new story I hear weighs in me so heavily.

[childlikemperor]

i!!!!! love!!!!!! holding!!!!!! hands!!!!!!!!!